I swelled and bloomed under his words, and a small smile crept onto my face. I was bursting to tell him how I felt, but the terror was too much to handle. I brought my lips back to his, hoping he would understand.
He pushed me back onto the bed, tossing the bra to the side. “You just lie there and look beautiful, baby. Let me show you how beautiful you are.”
A bigger smile grew across my face. “I think you showed me back in the woods.”
“Not like this,” he said, his voice low and full of desire. I felt it from my spine down to the tips of my toes. His lips traced a wet, searing trail down my neck to my collarbone, between my breasts. One of his hands cupped my breast, his thumb tracing light circles on the smooth skin. His mouth came down on the other breast, his tongue a soft sweep on my nipple. I gasped, surprised at the immediate pleasure that sped through me. I whimpered as his warm tongue traced the circle again.
“Ash,” I breathed in, my teeth biting down hard on my lip. I was in a haze, wondering how it was possible to feel this way. My hands were lost in the softness of his long hair, and I could feel the roughness of the stubble on his chin against my bare skin.
“Hmm?” he said, switching his mouth to the other breast. I sighed, my head thrown back against the pillow. “Do you want me to stop?”
“Oh, god, no,” I said, my breaths coming out fast and hard. My hands were at the buttons of his jeans and they unbuttoned easily. I found myself pushing them down. Ash’s hands reached out to grab mine and stopped them from undressing him.
“No, you first,” he insisted. His eyes met mine, and they were so full of desire and want and need, and I wanted to stay like this forever, in this bed. His hands were tugging my shorts off, and his hands were on me, soft against the skin there. My fingernails dug deep into his arms, my gasps coming out quicker. I started shaking, knowing what was coming next. I was both excited and terrified.
Ash must have sensed some of my unease because he pulled back. His blue eyes were now full of concern, as he leaned over me. “Are you okay, Zoey? Do you want to stop?” he asked, his own breathing labored. He was so sexy and so incredibly beautiful, and in this crappy world, he was the one bright light left. “We can stop if you need to. But we should do it now because I honestly don’t know how much longer I can let this go…”
My fingers traced circles on his arms, and I thought for a moment, looking up at him. “I’m scared…and nervous. I’m not experienced. I’ve never…I’m not…I haven’t…” I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself. “I’ve never done this before.”
Ash smiled at me, an achingly perfect smile that made me melt into a puddle right then and there on the bed. “It’s okay, Z. We can do this together.”
“But you and Heather…” I protested.
He looked uncomfortable for a moment. “Zoey, I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t done something that I have. I wouldn’t do that to you. But I can tell you this: whatever I had with Heather pales in comparison with the way I feel right now.”
My skin was still tingling from his touch. “How do you feel now?”
“I want you,” he said immediately. “Every bit of you. No one else matters. No one else has ever mattered but you.”
“I’m scared,” I repeated, my voice barely above a whisper.
His hands were lingering on my hips, his eyes intent on mine. He looked nervous. “I’ve been trying to tell you for weeks and weeks, but it never felt right. It never felt like the right moment and I wanted it to be the right moment for you, for both of us.” He took a deep breath, shaky and unsure. “I love you, Zoey.”
I had known for so long, or at least I had suspected, hoped, ever since we had fought the Awakened that had killed my dad. But I had never believed it. Not after he had sewed me back together and told me I was beautiful. Not when he had climbed into my bed and soothed me to sleep after the nightmares. Not even when he had lifted me onto that kitchen counter and kissed me with incredible passion. No, I hadn’t believed it. Not until now, when he said the words out loud.
“Zoey?” He sounded scared. No. He sounded more than scared. He sounded absolutely terrified. He had just bared himself to me, and I was having a hard time getting the words out in my surprise at his words.
“Ash,” I said, my voice soft, pulling him down for another desperate, searing kiss. His mouth explored mine tentatively as my tongue traced the curve of his bottom lip. I pulled away, my lips still grazing his. “I love you too. God, I love you so much.”