Definitely worried now, Jessica felt her heart sink. She didn’t want her going gaga on her. Justin was bound to ask how she was and she could hardly lie to him about that. He might well talk to Alicia. She couldn’t tell him she was fine if she wasn’t. ‘No, Ali, I don’t think you’re a trollop. And neither do you. It’s just the drink, lovely. It’s making you emotional.’
‘Justin will think I am though, won’t he?’ A tear spilling down her cheek, Alicia went back to her phone. ‘So, c’est la vie.’ She shrugged and tried to focus on the screen. ‘I might as well live up to my reputation, mightn’t I?’
‘Right.’ Jessica heaved in a breath. ‘Alicia, what are you doing exactly?’ she asked, as Alicia continued to squint at her phone.
‘Picking up a man,’ Alicia supplied, with a determined nod, which was completely at odds with the tears now streaming down her face.
‘From Facebook?’ Shaking her head, Jessica eyed the ceiling. ‘I think you need a bit more practice, sweetie,’ she said, reaching to ease the phone from her hand as Alicia plopped back down on the bed – and almost missed it.
Damn. Jessica swallowed as a thought occurred. ‘You haven’t taken the sleeping tablet I gave you, have you?’ she asked worriedly.
Wiping her hand under her nose, Alicia shook her head. ‘No,’ she said, her voice full of anguish. ‘They make me feel ill in the mornings.’
Thank God for that. Jessica blew out a sigh of relief. Having to ring Justin in his medical capacity to tell him his wife was popping pills and washing them down with wine wasn’t something she would have relished doing. Then again, should she tell him, for Alicia’s sake?
‘You need to lie down, Alicia,’ she said firmly, as her sister leaned precariously to one side, ‘before you fall down.’
Encouraging her to lie back, Jessica played mother – not that it was a role she wanted right now. ‘There we go,’ she said, making sure her feet were in and then fluffing up her pillows and tugging up the duvet.
Flicking on the bedside lamp, she fetched the tray and offered her the toast.
‘I can’t, Jess.’ Alicia shook her head, looking a little green around the gills. ‘I’m sorry.’
Jessica huffed inwardly. She had her hair to wash and her nails to do. She didn’t want to be playing nursemaid half the night. ‘All right,’ she relented. ‘But you have to promise to eat something in the morning. You need to stay strong for your family.’
The last came out a little more stridently than she’d intended, and Jessica felt a bit guilty as she watched another tear slide down her sister’s cheek.
‘Come on, Ali,’ she said, holding on to her patience and smoothing her hair away from her face. ‘Things will look better in the morning.’
‘Do you think?’ Alicia emitted a strangulated laugh at that.
Jessica actually didn’t think they would. And Alicia would definitely be feeling ill after drinking that lot on top of no food. She did hope she wasn’t going to have a complete breakdown. Her eyes were bloodshot, red-rimmed and, frankly, looked like two peepholes in the snow against her pallid complexion. She’d lost an awful lot of weight – Jessica felt the tiniest bit peeved about that, having been struggling to lose even a pound over the last two weeks. She’d barely uttered a word since she got back, and when she did speak it was distractedly, with a glazed, faraway look in her eye.
Jessica sat with her a while. When, at last, Alicia’s eyelids finally grew heavy, Jessica was hugely relieved. She had things to do.
Fifty-Seven
SOPHIE
‘What did you say this was again?’ Sophie asked, referring to the classical music he was fond of playing while she helped him clear up after their meal. It had been pasta again – which it seemed he was also fond of – but without the meat. Garlicky mushroom penne he’d said it was, and it hadn’t been bad.
‘Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata,’ Paul supplied, wiping down the cooker, which he kept meticulously clean. Sophie stacked the dishwasher, making sure to put everything in the exact order he’d specified, since she’d apparently stacked it completely wrong last time. ‘I find this one particularly calming. It’s scientifically proven that calm classical music is an effective way to alleviate stress. Did you know that? Listening to soothing music has a relaxing effect on the body and mind. It mesmerises you.’ He paused in his rigorous wiping. ‘Captivates you, almost. Allows you to explore your emotions, delve deep inside and…’
Sophie watched him interestedly as he narrowed his eyes, glancing off somewhere.
He obviously sensed her watching him. ‘And you don’t really like it, do you?’ He looked at her with a tolerant half-smile.
‘I do,’ Sophie refuted. ‘I like most music, but…’ She screwed up her nose. ‘It’s a bit maudlin, isn’t it? This particular track, I mean.’
Paul sighed and shook his head, clearly despairing of her musical ignorance. ‘So, what mood-inspiring music do you fancy then?
‘Adele?’ Sophie suggested hopefully.
He rolled his eyes. ‘Adele it is,’ he said, instructing Alexa accordingly.
‘Brilliant.’ Sophie grinned and turned back to her task. ‘I’ve missed my music… without my phone.’ Dropping a subtle hint, she sneaked another peek at him.
Paul’s sigh was longer this time. ‘Go on then,’ he said, retrieving a credit card from his phone wallet. ‘Go and order one online,’ he said, offering it to her.
Sophie stared at it agog. ‘Really?’
‘Well, you obviously can’t live without one.’ Paul shrugged good-naturedly. ‘But run it by me before you hit purchase,’ he said, as Sophie gleefully grabbed the card.
‘Will do.’ Sophie smiled, delighted. ‘Cheers, Paul.’
‘No worries. Get yourself some shoes, while you’re browsing. Can’t have you running around in your socks forever, can we? It’s not very hygienic.’
‘Yes. Right.’ Sophie furrowed her brow. She hadn’t heard that one before. ‘Small problem,’ she said.
Paul arched an eye curiously.
‘I don’t have anything to browse on,’ Sophie pointed out.
‘Ah. Of course you don’t.’ Paul downed his cloth and went to the dining area, where his jacket was hanging on a chair. ‘You can use my laptop,’ he said, retrieving his study keys to go and fetch it.
‘No dipping into files, though, Sophie,’ he said, coming back with the laptop and setting it up on the dining table. ‘I have confidential client information on here, remember?’
‘I won’t,’ Sophie assured him, her eyes straying to the jacket pocket he’d dropped his keys back into. He’d kept the study locked since he’d found her in there. She supposed it was fair enough, since he had all that confidential stuff. She still wanted to know what was in those desk drawers he’d been so concerned about, though, and why it was her mother’s photo he kept on his desk.
Fifty-Eight
ALICIA
Alicia couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Justin had called every day since Sophie went missing, but today she hadn’t heard a thing from him. Her useless attempt to explain why she’d taken a decision to ruin his life had driven him to some darker place than he had already been in. She would never forget the emotion in his voice when he’d confirmed that Sophie had given him something worth living for.
Had given him, was the thought that had been plaguing her. Assisted by far too much wine, she’d drifted off to sleep with that thought in her head. Her nightmares had been as bad as her reality. She’d found herself in an Alice in Wonderland, haunted distortion of her house, where she heard her family – voices and laughter and tears emerging from rooms she couldn’t reach, no matter how hard she ran. Stairs – first one flight, then two – stretched before her like elongated rubber.
She’d left Justin in an empty house as haunted to him as hers was in her dreams, with nothing but the hope he might find Sophie. He’d been working on the studio to keep that hope alive. He would be so desperately lonely, so broken inside. She had to talk to him. If only to hear him say he didn’t want to talk to her, she had to hear his voice, know that he was all right physically, if not emotionally. Hesitating for a second, she selected his number, and her anxiety increased as his phone went straight to voicemail.