The hallucinations, if that’s what they were, were worse upstairs, where the smells of his family were overwhelming: Alicia’s lingering perfume; the faded scent of the joss sticks Sophie burned. The sounds. Wherever he went, he couldn’t escape them: Sophie’s soulful singing; the butterfly wind chime Alicia had hung in the nursery to encourage Luke’s hand movements; Luke’s gurgles of pleasure as he batted it or managed to catch hold of it. That was the sound that haunted him most. Even in the basement, he heard it. In his single room, he heard it. It would haunt him for the rest of his life.
Hearing the chimes as he bypassed the nursery room door, Justin didn’t try to block it out, accepting it instead as part of the insanity his life had become. It was possible, he supposed, that he might be going out of his mind. He couldn’t seem to keep a rein on his thoughts – definitely not on his emotions. Everything seemed to mingle into one lately: days, nights, dreams, reality. He’d be thinking, only to realise he’d been verbalising his thoughts. Talking, only to realise he’d stopped and drifted off into some distant memory. When he counted, he sometimes found himself counting out loud, which earned him wary looks from people passing by.
Would it bother him, he wondered as he showered, if the only sounds he heard were those of his kids? If he simply stopped functioning in other areas of his life? He wasn’t sure it would. He didn’t want to let go of them. Couldn’t.
* * *
Towelling his hair ten minutes later, he was halfway down the stairs when he realised there was someone at the front door. Justin quashed his irritation as he pulled the door open to find Taylor standing there. Was he doing follow-up calls now, checking up on victims of crime? As if they gave a damn any more who’d broken into their house. That was history. The here and now, the painful reality, was that their daughter was still missing. They still had no idea where she was. And this paragon of the law, what was he doing? Nothing.
Sighing, Justin draped his towel around his neck and eyed the man questioningly.
‘We have the forensics team here.’ Taylor offered him his short smile – and a completely nonsensical explanation for his visit.
‘Forensics?’ Justin squinted at him, confused.
Taylor knitted his brow. ‘I left you a message, on your voicemail. I spoke with your sister-in-law, too. She said she would pass the information on to Alicia. I assumed she might have told you.’
‘No.’ Justin shook his head. It seemed Alicia wasn’t in the habit of telling him very much at all. ‘No, she didn’t. So, what is it you’re looking for?’
‘Anything we might have missed,’ Taylor supplied. ‘There’s been another break-in in the area. It’s not exactly a crime wave, but we found some footmarks at the other property. I thought it was worth taking another look here. We’ll be concentrating mainly on the gardens, but if it’s inconvenient…? It’s just, as we already have the men here...’
‘No, no major inconvenience.’ Justin sighed, thinking he would need to call Alicia, assuming she didn’t call first to postpone their meeting now the police were here. It occurred to him she might have thought this was a useful way to avoid facing him. It wouldn’t be easy for her: explaining why she’d cheated on him, and then compounded that deceit with a decision that might ultimately crucify him. ‘Help yourself.’ He shrugged indifferently. ‘Have a field day.’
Taylor looked mildly amused at that. ‘Am I to take it you’re moving back in?’ He nodded past him, to where Justin’s tools made it obvious he’d been working.
Justin shook his head. ‘Under the circumstances, no,’ he said, holding the man’s gaze. ‘We might well sell up. I just came to check the house over and attend to a few things.’
‘Oh.’ Taylor nodded awkwardly. ‘That’s a shame. It’s a nice property.’
‘A family property,’ Justin said pointedly. ‘Can I do something else for you, Detective? It’s just that I’d quite like to get on with searching for my daughter.’
Taylor glanced down and back. ‘We are looking, Justin,’ he said, with a heavy sigh. ‘Every one of my officers has her photograph.’
‘You’re not looking hard enough,’ Justin said, attempting – and failing – to quell a rush of anger as he turned away. ‘Fuck it!’ he cursed, managing to trip over the drill he’d left in the hall.
‘Emotions not entirely under control then?’ Taylor observed drily behind him.
‘You know what?’ Disentangling himself from his drill, Justin turned around, making no attempt this time to hide his anger. ‘No, they’re not. Would yours be? I mean, look at it from my point of view: my daughter’s missing and the people who are supposed to be out finding her are digging up my fucking front garden!’
Taylor drew in a breath and stepped inside, nudging the front door closed behind him. Obviously, he didn’t want to be embarrassed in front of the officers whose resources he was wasting on a completely futile task. ‘You need to get some sleep, Justin,’ he said, his expression dour. ‘You’re exhausted.’
Justin laughed. ‘Shrewd observation,’ he said. ‘I can see why you’re a detective.’
‘And make sure you stay away from Paul Radley,’ Taylor added, his eyes holding a warning. ‘He’s leaving for Dubai shortly, isn’t he? Just let him go quietly and try to get on with your life.’
Dragging a hand over his neck, Justin smiled contemptuously. ‘I’d love to,’ he said. ‘Unfortunately, thanks to that bastard, I don’t have one.’
‘I get that.’ Taylor nodded empathetically. ‘I’ve been there, remember, though not under such tragic circumstances. But you have to let it go, Justin. Let him go back, and then try to pick up the pieces of your life.’
Justin said nothing. There were no pieces. Clearly, Taylor didn’t get it.
‘Violence rarely solves anything, Justin,’ Taylor went on, echoing what Justin had once thought – in another lifetime. ‘You could well have been up on a charge of grievous bodily harm with intent. How would that have helped anything?’
‘Oh, the intent was definitely there.’ Justin couldn’t help himself.
Shooting him a despairing look, Taylor ignored that. ‘Between you and me, I have no doubt he had it coming, but you don’t deserve the repercussions, and nor does your wife. I might be completely out of line here, and you can tell me to mind my own business, but she cares about you, Justin. Don’t let her go without a fight.’
Justin eyed him with ironic amusement.
‘Of the non-physical variety,’ Taylor added wryly.
Fifty-Two
ALICIA
Seeing Justin’s car parked outside the house as she pulled into their road, Alicia felt an overpowering sense of heart-crushing homesickness engulf her, and then a flash of panic as she noted the police car beyond it. Parking behind Justin’s car, she scrambled out, her insides twisting as she realised two white-suited officers were poking around in the soil of the garden. What on earth were they looking for? Her panic escalating, she hurried towards them and was surprised to see DI Taylor coming around the side of the house.
‘Morning,’ he said, smiling as he came towards her. ‘Oh. I take it you didn’t get my message either then? I left one with your sister.’
‘No.’ Alicia looked at him with a mixture of alarm and apprehension.
‘We were investigating another property in the area,’ Taylor filled her in, ‘and we thought we might take the opportunity to check we hadn’t missed anything forensically here. I did run it by your husband, obviously, when we arrived. I hope it’s not going to cause you any inconvenience?’
The knot of tension in Alicia’s stomach slackened. She’d been imagining all sorts of things in those few seconds climbing from the car. ‘No,’ she said, ‘not if Justin doesn’t mind. So, have you found anything?’ She nodded curiously towards one of his men, on his hands and knees brushing at the mud.
‘Nothing much, no.’ DI Taylor followed her gaze. ‘Although I did spot your rather nice rose tree. Climbing Lady Hillingdon, isn’t it, if I’m not mistaken?’
He was a gardener then? Alicia looked at him interestedly. She hadn’t really considered the man beyond the policeman. ‘That’s right,’ she said, an immediate sense of sadness overwhelming her as she glanced towards where the huge creamy butterscotch flowers would bloom come spring.