In the end, I decided to go to the dry grad with Amy and her new boyfriend. Ryan really wanted to go, and in a way, so did I. Ryan told me it would be stupid to miss out on something just because of Shauna. When he looked at me with his brown eyes all hopeful, sliding his hand up my shirt, talking about how we could bring a blanket out to the lake for later, I had to say yes.
I found a dress at a consignment store, a simple sheath in a deep red, kind of 1950s old Hollywood glamour. I also found some long gloves and a beaded clutch purse. I felt good when I brought it all home, but the night of the grad I started second-guessing everything. Maybe my outfit wasn’t glamorous, just weird and old-fashioned. I regretted not taking Amy up on her offer to get ready together but I’d thought it might be too distracting, and there was a part of me that was still holding back a little from her.
Nicole came to the bathroom door when I was staring at myself in the mirror. “Wow. You look so pretty—that dress makes your body look amazing.”
I thought she was being sarcastic and spun around to tell her off, but she looked sincere, had this proud sort of smile on her face. I muttered, “Thanks,” and turned back to the mirror, holding my hair up, trying to decide what to do with it.
“Do you need help? I can do your makeup,” Nicole said.
I wanted to tell her to screw off after how she’d been treating me for months, but she sounded like she meant the offer—and she was really good at makeup. I wanted to look different that night, classier, so I said, “Okay. Thanks.”
Nicole put my hair in a loose chignon and did some cool things to my eyes with pencil, shadow, and mascara. When she was done, she said I looked like a dark-haired Marilyn Monroe, and I felt beautiful. I couldn’t wait to see Ryan’s face. While Nicole was working on me, we laughed and joked for the first time in a long time. It was so nice I almost forgot everything we’d gone through, until my mom called out, “Phone, Nicole. It’s Shauna.” And she ran downstairs, after giving me a guilty look. I felt sick, wondering if they’d planned something for that night. Was that why Nicole had helped me? Just so Shauna could humiliate me later? I stared at myself in the mirror, at the girl I barely recognized. For a moment I was tempted to take all the makeup off and let my hair just go loose, but then the doorbell rang.
Ryan looked handsome in his tuxedo as he made small talk with my mom and dad, and confident, like he’d worn one all his life. The expression on his face as I walked toward him—stunned, proud, awestruck—made me glad I hadn’t undone all of Nicole’s work. He gestured down at himself, his eyebrows raised. I gave a thumbs-up and he laughed. In the other room, I could see Nicole still talking on the phone. She smiled, but there was something in her face now that I didn’t like, a nervous guilt. Dad took our photos, Mom calling out, “Come on, Nicole. I want one of you girls together.”
Finally Nicole put down the phone and we got a picture together, but her body language was different now, tense, almost like she thought being nice to me was the betrayal.
*
At the dry grad Shauna stayed to one side of the gym with her girls and I stayed on the other with Ryan, Amy, and her boyfriend. I tried to relax and have a good time, but I was tense, waiting for something to happen. I was even nervous about being there with Amy. Though she was being like always, and if anything a little nicer, still trying to make up for our fight, I couldn’t help wondering if it was all an act. Shauna looked really pretty in a tight white satin dress with her hair curled, and seemed to be enjoying her date, who was the captain of the hockey team. Cathy and Rachel were also beautifully dressed, though I noticed Shauna had made sure her dress was the tightest, and each had dates—other players on the team. Kim had brought one of the guys who was part of the drama club.
Whenever Ryan and I danced, we stayed out of Shauna’s sight. I buried my face in his neck and tried to let myself get carried away by the music and the feel of his body against mine, but I kept taking little peeks, trying to see what Shauna was doing. Once, she danced by me and mouthed, I’m going to get you, skank.
Ryan told me to brush it off and spun me away, but the night was ruined for me after that. What had she planned? How was she going to get me this time? Was there something else she knew about me, some other lie she could make up?
Finally, the teachers announced the night was over. I watched Shauna and her friends filter out, still shocked that they hadn’t done anything. I half expected them to have written something on Ryan’s truck, but nothing seemed to be wrong with it.
“I told you they weren’t going to do anything,” Ryan said.
“There’s still the party.”
“Nothing will happen.”