The next week at school, Shauna kept hanging around in the hallway outside my locker or waiting in the parking lot with the other girls. If they saw me with Ryan, they’d walk away, but it was clear that they were trying to intimidate me. Ryan kept telling me, “Just ignore them,” but I didn’t know how much longer I’d be able to handle it.
That Friday night there was a party at one of Ryan’s friends’—his parents were out of town. Ryan picked me up and we smoked a joint on the way over. My parents knew I smoked cigarettes and probably had their suspicions about pot. Mom had found cigarettes in my coat pocket once, and I’d endured a few lectures about that. I told them I didn’t smoke a lot, which was true, but I didn’t tell them I liked it because it was a ritual Ryan and I had together. I loved going to Tim Hortons with him, getting a coffee, then sitting at the beach and sharing a smoke. I’d started smoking pot the same year. I figured it was okay as long as I stayed away from the hard drugs. I liked how it made everything in life feel a little better, softer somehow, like shit just didn’t matter as much. We weren’t hurting anyone or doing really stupid crap. We were just having fun.
By the time we got to the party, things were well under way. The guys were standing around, smoking and drinking beer. The girls were hanging out on the couches or dancing in the living room, trying to look sexy for the boys.
I was feeling good, sitting on Ryan’s lap in the corner, making out and grooving to the music, when I caught a flash of a face I didn’t expect to see.
Nicole.
I sat up. “What the hell is she doing here?” I’d seen her at home earlier, getting ready to go out, but she’d told Mom she was going to the movies with Darlene, who picked her up in her car.
Ryan turned around, noticed Nicole. “Wow, she looks good.”
I gave him a shove. “Hey!”
“Not like that,” he said. “I’m just not used to seeing her dressed up and stuff.” He gave me a kiss. “I’ve only got eyes for you, babe.” I knew he hadn’t really meant anything by his comment about Nicole, it was just an observation—and he had a point. She did look good, really good.
Her hair was loose and shiny black, and she’d used some rollers or something to style it, so it fell around her face and down her back in thick waves. She was wearing more makeup than normal, her eyes seeming exotic and mysterious and her lips shining with gloss. It even looked like she was wearing some foundation and blush, her skin smooth, and her cheekbones insanely high.
The real surprise was her clothes. She was wearing fitted jeans, faded and low-slung on her hips, with some cool brown belt I’d never seen before and a snug white T-shirt that rode up when she lifted her arms, revealing a bit of tanned skin around her waist. The shirt was V-neck, showing a hint of cleavage I didn’t know my sister had, making me think she might even be wearing a push-up bra. She looked older—older than me. And super-hot.
I got off Ryan and made my way over to Nicole, who was swaying back and forth to the music, plastic cup in her hand. She was talking to Darlene and they were both looking over at a group of guys. One of them was kind of looking back at her. I tapped Nicole on the shoulder. She spun around. “Toni!”
She was flushed and her eyes were glassy. I lifted the drink out of her hand and took a sip that filled my mouth with a burst of sour peach. A wine cooler. I handed the drink back.
“What are you doing here?” I said.
“Just hanging out.” She was nervous, her gaze flicking to Darlene, to the group of guys, back to me.
“I thought you were at the movies.”
“And I thought you were at Ryan’s.”
It was the first time she’d shown some scrappiness, her chin jutting out and her eyes angry. I was surprised but also kind of impressed.
“Mom would flip out about you being here and drinking,” I said.
She hesitated, then said, “Screw you, Toni. If you tell, I’m telling.”
What the hell had gotten into my sister? I was pissed and wanted to put her in her place, but Mom would freak if she knew we were at someone’s house when his parents were away. Did I want another fight with her over a stupid party?
“Fuck you.” I grabbed Nicole’s drink back and walked away.
She yelled, “You don’t have to be such a bitch to me all the time!”
I went back to Ryan, still fuming.
“What’s going on?” he said.
“I don’t know why she’s here—but she’s up to something. She’s acting totally weird.”
“She’s just trying to have fun, like we are.”
“Maybe.…”
I watched my sister, who was now walking off with Darlene. It looked like they were going out the back door to the patio. Over her shoulder, she gave the group of guys another look. One of them broke off and also headed outside. I couldn’t make out much about the dude, just that he was tall and wearing a hockey jersey. I had a feeling he was meeting up with Nicole, where I couldn’t see them. Should I check on her? Was the guy drunk too? He looked older than her. Then I thought about my mom, how she was always checking up on me, acting like I wasn’t smart enough to figure out shit on my own.
Nicole was sixteen now—she could look after herself.