V,
Sorry it’s been so long since I wrote. I’ve been having a long summer. Mood swings galore, and I’ve been pretty down. I have to go back on medication, or my mother threatened me with a weekend visit to the local nut ward, which I refuse to do. So back on the soul-sucking drugs go I. It’s fine, though. I need to get myself together. Before I fell down the rabbit hole again, I was accepted to an art college here. I must have been high to apply, but I was trying to impress a current boyfriend, who was very insistent that I must have a “life plan.” He didn’t understand why I wasn’t interested in the whole go to college, pledge a sorority, major in MRS thing. I’m dumping him before I leave, for sure.
But here’s the deal. I’m concerned about my privacy at this new school. So if you write, can you please not mention anything about where we met? I’m not ashamed, I just don’t feel like it’s anyone’s business what happened. Cool?
Love you,
Liesel
September 1996
Liesel,
You mean you want me not to mention we were both locked in school that taught us exceptional coping mechanisms and bitchin’ art skills, with an emphasis on interpersonal relations so we had the best chance in life to succeed? Copy that, Starbuck! (wink wink) In other news, Ratchet’s having another kid. Still no ring. Mystery semen!!
Love,
V
January 1997
Hey V,
I have an email address!!! Now we can write immediately instead of waiting months between letters. My address is [email protected] Hope you’re doing well–what’s been happening lately? It’s been a while– Email me!
Love,
Liesel
January 1998
Liesel,
It’s taken me a while to answer you because I AM OUT!!!!! For good this time.
I am living (sort of) on my own, in a halfway house near our old neighborhood, and I couldn’t be happier. It’s broken into apartments. I have a nice roommate, and I feel like I’m on solid ground for the first time in a very long time. One day soon, I hope to have enough money saved up to come visit you. You’re so far away now! I hope life has been treating you well. I also have a part-time job at a restaurant near my house, just bussing tables, but the owner said once I’m fully trained he will promote me to hostess. Can you imagine, me, a hostess?
I also have a boyfriend, though I think I’m going to dump him. He’s too maudlin for me. Hung like a horse, though. He likes my piercings. I didn’t tell you, I added another to my belly button, it’s super cool. You should do it, the double ring looks really sexy.
Love you, friend,
V
PS: Sorry about the email, I don’t have a computer. Besides, letters are so much better. Email feels like too many people are watching.
May 1998
Dear V,
You’re aren’t going to believe this, but I’ve gotten married!
His name is Kyle Noonan, and he is a big shot lawyer here in town. We eloped! My mom is so upset with me. Almost as mad as when I got that tattoo right after I got out of “school,” and she made me have it removed. God, that hurt.
Anyway. Kyle’s a great guy. I hope you understand why I didn’t ask you to be in the wedding. We decided to do it, and went and did it. Vegas, baby! It was crazy, and I’m not sure it’s the wedding I always dreamed about, but he is handsome and kind, and this is going to be such an exciting ride.
We’re going to try for a baby, too. I’ve always wanted to be a young mother, as you well know.
I’ll send pictures once they’re developed!
Love,
Liesel
December 1998
My darling Liesel,
That’s awesome! Big news here too: I’ve met someone. Like, the guy, someone. He’s amazing. Tall, and handsome, and smart. He came into the restaurant, and I served him. I acted like an idiot, all fumble fingers, but he left me a massive tip with his phone number!! We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months now, and I have to say, I don’t think I have ever been happier. Thing are moving fast, and he asked me to move into his apartment on base. He said if I like it, we can stay there, and if I’m not happy, we can get a little house together somewhere. I think he’s amazing.
Since I will no longer be a single white female, I have a huge favor to ask. As you can see, I’ve enclosed all your letters in this package. I am scared to death he might find them during the move. Once we’re settled, and he’s deployed again, you can send them back. But for now, can you keep them safe for me? I treasure our correspondence. It’s kept me going through dark times and through light.
You are going to love him, Liesel! Can’t wait to meet Kyle, too!
Love,
V
January 1999
V,
Completely understand. Your secrets are safe with me. He sounds DIVINE!!! Send pictures soon! Oh, if you have access, you can always email me. We can talk there if it’s easier for you. It’s [email protected]. Don’t tell anyone yet, but I missed my period. Shhhh– Love,
Liesel
April 1999
Liesel, my dear,
Oh wow, L. I am very happy for you. I apologize that the email isn’t working out, as our internet connection sucks big time, and it takes as long to open my email as the Pony Express took to go cross country. Z deploys soon. You’ll be able to mail back the letters, and I will find a safe place for them.
He says he wants to marry me when he gets back from this tour. Can you imagine? I will make sure you have a spot at my side and are wearing something gorgeous. Lavender, maybe. It would look so pretty with your dark hair.
Love,
V
May 1999
V,
Just a quick note to say I think it’s fabulous that you’re getting married!
Though not sure about lavender, as I’m no longer dark haired. I’ve been highlighting mine for a couple of years, now. It’s all the rage here, and it looks pretty. I like being a blonde. It’s like I’m a whole different person.
Now, the not so great news. I miscarried. Kyle said he wasn’t sad about it, either, which sort of broke my heart. I am going to try again in two months like the doctor says. I’ll have time to convince Kyle what a wonderful idea it is.
Are you going to have children?
Love,
Liesel
February 2000
Dear V,
I’m pregnant again! The doctor says this time it’s going to stick. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I’m going to wait to tell Kyle until I’m past the danger time. But I had to tell you. I am so excited!!!
What are you doing? How’s your hot hubby?
Love,
Liesel
March 2000
Liesel,
Oh wow. Congratulations! I’m so excited for you!
And here’s some news: I’m pregnant, too.
I can’t begin to tell you how freaked out I am. Knowing you’re incredibly excited for me is a help. I’m scared to death. But I’ll figure it out. I have to stop taking my meds, they can interfere with the baby’s growth. So it’s talk talk talk therapy for me—joy! I’ve been seeing Dr. Freeman. Can you believe he’s still at University? He made an exception since I am such an old patient.
Anyway, it’s cool that we can experience this together. It will help me feel less alone. I’m due in August, by the way. Jesus, that’s forever from now.
Love,
V
PS: As you can see, I’ve sent another batch of our letters for your safekeeping. I know you said I should just come clean to Zack, but I don’t have the heart to tell him what I’ve been through. He’s such a strong man. I don’t want him to see me as anything less than his warrior wife.
*
There’s no question in Mindy’s mind who V is anymore. Mindy’s heart is broken for her biological mother. For her illness. Her sadness.
And she is so very confused.
How did Mindy actually end up with Lauren and Jasper? And who killed Vivian?
She needs to talk to her mom. But she doesn’t quite know what to say.
Maybe Zack can help her make sense of the letters. She’ll ask him the next time she’s allowed to see him.
In the meantime, she lies in the strange bed, mind spinning with possibilities, awaiting her fate.
PART THREE
68
VAIL HEALTH HOSPITAL