“I, what—” she starts, but Jasper holds up a hand.
“Listen to me, and listen carefully.” It is his court voice: formal, educated, remote. A chill spikes through her. He’s never—never—spoken to her like that. Clients, opposing lawyers, the judge, yes. But her? Her heart flutters as it takes on a shot of pure adrenaline.
“You have put yourself in an untenable position, Lauren. I’ve just found out you’ve been lying to me for seventeen years, literally from the moment we met. Now you’re sneaking around in the middle of the night doing private searches on your computer for a man I’ve never heard of—”
“How can you see my private searches?”
“I saw the search over your shoulder last night. I am a very patient man, and I can handle a lot, but any more lies between us will not be tolerated. Do you understand me?”
She does. She hears him loud and clear.
She turns and walks out of the room. There is no way in hell she is going to explain herself right now. She can’t take that chance. And he is right; she shouldn’t lie to him again.
He follows, of course, bellowing her name. She doesn’t stop, doesn’t hesitate. She grabs her boots and her purse, the keys to her car, and keeps on moving, straight down the back stairs into the kitchen, out to the garage. Jasper keeps on her, calling, trying to block her way, but she simply looks through him until he gets exasperated and moves, allowing her to walk out the door.
She throws herself behind the wheel and dumps her things into the passenger seat. She finally meets his eyes, forcing away the qualms she feels when she sees how truly confused and upset he is. He has his anger on a tight leash, and she knows it. She needs to be very careful; she can’t afford to turn Jasper against her.
She puts down the window. “This story has nothing to do with you and is long, long past. I love you, and only you. Now, I’m going to see Mindy. I’d appreciate you not breaking into my computer again.”
The window slides up with a whisper, and she backs out of the garage, her bare feet cold on the pedals.
*
VAIL HEALTH HOSPITAL
“Mom!”
Mindy’s smile is wide and thrilled, and Lauren realizes Dr. Oliver was right. Mindy needed the break as much as she did.
“How are you, little peep?”
“I feel good today. Better. Whatever they gave me worked. I don’t hurt at all. They’re going to make me stay in here another day, then I can get back home. I slept all night, and Lolly and I had fun yesterday. She likes Sarah J. Maas too, so we talked for a long time about fantasy. You know, I think I want to be a writer. I mean, when I retire from skiing.”
“You do?” Lauren sits on the edge of her daughter’s bed, smoothing the jumbled sheets. “What do you want to write?”
“Novels, silly. Big, sweeping fantasy novels, where I can build the world myself, and make all the rules.”
“I think you’d be wonderful at it, sweetie. It’s a great plan. You’ll need something to do when you retire from competition. I can adjust our homeschool schedule to include a few more English modules if you’d like. Add in a creative writing class?”
“You’re the best, Mom. Who knows, maybe I’ll be an Olympian and World Cup champion and win the Nobel, too.”
“Writers usually have a better chance at winning the Pulitzer, darling, but that’s a great goal to have. I think you’d be a brilliant writer.”
“I think I might, too.”
This barrage of happiness, of planning for the future, rips Lauren’s stomach to shreds, but she keeps the smile glued to her face and nods and coos in all the right places. The change in her daughter is startling. Overnight, she has blossomed again. There is a blush on her cheeks; her eyes are bright.
You were stifling her. She was depressed watching you suffer.
No more. Only happy and excited from now on, she swears to herself. And space. Her daughter clearly needs space. She should have known her budding Buddhist would want some meditative time. She vows to do better.
“Mom, guess what else? Aunt J called. She’s coming up again today.”
“That will be nice. She’s fun, your aunt.”
Mindy’s eyes narrow only slightly at this; Lauren knows she hasn’t been very enthusiastic about her sister in front of her daughter and realizes she shouldn’t have done that. Especially now that Juliet knows the circumstances of Mindy’s birth.
“Don’t give me that look. You forget, she and I practically grew up in different decades. She was much younger, just a pest, and I had a lot on my plate.”
“Like what?”
“Like you and your daddy, silly. I wanted everything to be perfect for the two of you.”
“It has been, Mom. It’s been so much fun.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear it. Now, what should we do today? Do you want to study, do you want to go for a walk?”
“A walk. Definitely. I am shriveling up in here.” She slaps her legs. “Can we do some yoga? I found a great new routine from a girl who has a broken ankle, and I can modify all the moves like she did so I don’t put any pressure on the leg.”
“By all means, let’s do it. I’ll go see where we can practice, okay?”
Mindy beams and Lauren’s heart catches in her throat. She realizes she’s handled Mindy so badly. Normalcy, that’s what her girl needs. From now on, that’s what she is going to get.
Out in the hall, Lauren talks briefly to the nurses and gets permission to use the rehab mats for an impromptu yoga session. On impulse, she sticks her head into Dr. Oliver’s office. What luck, he is there.
“Lauren, come in. You’re looking better this morning.”
“I feel better. Thanks for sending me home. I needed the break but didn’t realize it. Mindy seems much better this morning, too. We’re going to do some yoga.”
He nods, his face suddenly grave. “I’m glad you stopped in, I was about to call you. Her numbers fell off a cliff last night, and I felt it necessary to put some energy into the tank. We gave her a little booster shot. Some B-12, vitamins, iron. She’ll burn through it in a week or so, but for the time being—”
Lauren sinks into the chair opposite the doctor’s desk. “What do you mean, her numbers fell off a cliff?”
“I mean we may have to do a transplant sooner than we’d hoped, with cells that aren’t the perfect match we’re looking for, but as close as we can find.”
“But—”
He suddenly looks so tired. Lauren often forgets she isn’t the only scared mother he’s dealing with. She hasn’t befriended any of the other parents on the ward, has kept everyone at arm’s length. She can’t handle their pain on top of her own. They don’t like her, but she couldn’t care less. But the doctor—she isn’t being fair to him.
Make that another person you’ve sucked dry with your worry and anger and fear.
“Lauren, listen to me. We’re doing everything we can. And I know you don’t want to talk about the circumstances you find yourself in, but Mindy is going to die if we don’t get her a solid transplant. Maybe not tomorrow, or next week, but her time is going to run out. I hate to have to be so frank with you, but her numbers yesterday were very worrisome. There are a few things we can do, like the vitamin shot, that are temporary fixes, but without a sustainable plan...we’re not finding any great matches in the database. We need someone close to her. If we don’t—”
Lauren holds up a hand. “I hear you. I understand.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to avoid this conversation, but I fear we’re out of time for tact. We need the information about Mindy’s biological mother.”
Lauren’s breath catches, and she forces herself to stay in the chair. She feels so betrayed, so wronged. This man she trusts, who’s said come to him at her own pace, has just thrown the gauntlet at her. But she thinks of Mindy’s face, the flush on her cheeks, the happiness, the energy, and she swallows her goddamn pride.
“I don’t know who she is. It was a closed adoption. She was a teenager, and the doctor who hooked me up with her is dead now. I don’t know how we get her records, or if they even exist.”