“Yeah, but usually because of some dumb shit that I really can’t feel sorry for them over. But you, today, that was fucked up.”
“It’s just a part of my life,” I shrug.
He brushes a strand of hair off of my forehead. His touch is gentle, caressing, and I close my eyes and just enjoy being at the receiving end.
“Do you have other family?” he asks. “Besides your parents?”
I shake my head. “I’m an only child. So were both my parents, so no aunts or uncles or cousins. My father’s parents are alive, but they live in Washington State in some kind of nursing home.”
“Your dad put them in a nursing home?” He seems shocked by this, almost flinching as he says it.
“Yeah, I guess. We were never close with them anyway. I saw them sometimes in the summer when they took a vacation near us. But that was maybe six or seven times in my life that I remember.” I think back to the weird moments with them. Stifled tea hours. Odd conversations. No hugs, no kisses, no little presents like my friends’ grandparents brought them, even though mine had way more money and means. “They’re in their eighties, probably. They had my dad when they were older in life. So once they couldn’t live alone, Dad signed papers for them to live in this center. I remember hearing my parents discuss it.”
He whistles through his teeth. “They’re hard core.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because unless you cannot physically care for your family, you don’t put them in a nursing home, Dani. They’re your blood. Their sacrifices got you where you are, in part.” He cringes, as if maybe he’s overstepped. “I just didn’t grow up like that, I guess. My mom’s mom lives in a little guesthouse behind my parents. And if I have to take care of my mom when she gets old, I will. I won’t lock her up somewhere.” He chuckles. “Graham gets Dad though.”
I can’t help but laugh at the look on his face. “You really don’t see eye to eye with your dad, huh?”
“Nah, we get along. I’m just the most like my mom, I think. Dad is all about work and success and the Landry name. Mom is more about enjoying life, making a difference if you can.” He strokes my arm. “You know, when I first got signed by the Arrows, I remember thinking, ‘Maybe this will make Dad proud. I’m a professional. I’m an asset to our family.’”
“Lincoln . . .” I say softly. “I’m sure he’s proud of you either way.”
He just shrugs. We both sit still, lost in our thoughts, and, before I know it, my eyes are closing and sleep settles over me.
Lincoln
SHE STIRS. IT’S A SLOW process. At first her hand wiggles, then her feet start to rustle under the sheets. Her head goes back and forth and she yawns softly before her eyelashes start to slowly flutter.
It’s fascinating. I realize how creepy this may look—me lying on my side in my bed, watching a girl sleep. I don’t give a fuck. I want to be here when she opens her eyes. I want to be the first thing she sees.
Her lips press together as her lids lift. She startles for a half a second before realizing it’s me. “Hey,” she whispers, clearing her throat. “How’d I get in your room?”
“I carried you. Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah.” Her brows pull together. “What time is it? And when did you get new sheets?”
“I changed them today.”
“I’m impressed.” She yawns again. Her face looks pale, the start to bags evident under her eyes. Her normally smooth features are tight and I wonder what she was dreaming about. “Thank you for letting me come by.”
“Of course.”
She gives me an odd look, tugging the blankets around her. “What time is it?”
“It’s still pretty early. Want me to order some dinner?”
“I better get home. I’ll just grab something on the way.”
“Why?” I ask. “Why don’t you just stay here?”
“I work tomorrow.”
Kicking myself for missing such a huge point, I scramble for a solution. “Want me to stay with you?”
“You don’t have to do that. Thank you for taking care of me today. Thank you for being there for me.”
“Of course. I’m always here if you need me.”
Something I said hits her wrong and her eyes widen. She wiggles beneath the blankets, dragging in a deep breath.
“What?” I ask. “What did I say?”
Her head shakes from side to side. “Nothing.”
“Tell me the truth.”
After what feels like an eternity, she looks at me. “You are amazing. More amazing than I even imagined and that was a lot.”
“Naturally.”
A start of a smile slips on her lips. “I needed you today.”
She says it like those words say it all, like I should understand everything from the simple sentence. Furrowing my brow, I look at her. “I’m glad,” I say cautiously. “You should need me. That’s what I’m here for.”
“It’s not.” She climbs out of my bed, messing with her long, dark locks. “Things between us have been fun. Great, actually. But today when you walked into my office, I can’t even tell you the relief I felt.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, scrubbing my hands down my face. “How is that a bad thing?” I follow her into the living room where she slides on her shoes.
“Me needing you like I did today is another step into something I’m not sure I can handle,” she says, straightening up and facing me. “We are fun, Landry. This thing between us, whatever it is, has made me so happy.”
“Me too,” I say, feeling a little seed of unease settle in my gut.
“But it’s a short-term thing. You are going to head into the preseason soon and then you’ll be off for two hundred games.”
I don’t know what to say to this, so I say nothing and hope she clarifies.
“I told you before I don’t want to be a baseball girlfriend. I won’t, as a matter of fact,” she says, pulling her gaze from me. “I somehow convinced myself I could keep it light between us and enjoy it for what it was and let you go when the time came. But I’m in too far.”
“There’s no measuring stick to what’s too far,” I say, reaching for her. My heart plummets when she starts to retreat. “What are you doing, Dani?”
“I think I need to take a little step back, Lincoln. For my sanity.”
“What are you talking about?” She won’t look at me and I swear I must have misheard her. There’s no fucking way she just said that to me. I bounce back and forth from being confused, to pissed, to what might just be hurt. “I’m sorry, what did you just say?”
“You heard me,” she whispers.
I run my hands through my hair. “Why do we need to take a step back? What the hell does that even mean?”
She looks at the doorway. “It just means I don’t want to get to a point where I’m dependent on you or need you when I’m feeling crummy.”
“You’re fucking joking, right?” I repeat. My mind buzzes with a million thoughts, a thousand questions, a hundred replies to that. But I can’t get any of them to my tongue.
“When you came in my office today, right after I got my mother’s email, I was so happy to see you. And then you told me to come here, and Landry, I didn’t even hesitate. This is right where I wanted to be.”