“YOU NERVOUS?” she asks as we drive to the doctor. Immediately I feel like a dirt bag for not asking her the same question. World’s best father sitting right here.
Emma has a doctor’s appointment today and insisted I come. This whole baby thing is crazy town. I’m thirty-fucking-three years old. I should be able to handle a baby. Hell, I should have a whole house full of kids at this age, but for some reason, this baby scares the shit out of me. I’m not sure why I’m so nervous. I’ve always wanted kids, but I just feel like this is all wrong. Right woman, but the completely wrong time.
Little Collin or Laurel Jones will be entering the world in less than six months. At least those are the names as far as Emma is concerned. I have something a little edgier up my sleeve. Maybe something where my son won’t have to wear a pocket protector, and my daughter…oh fuck that! I don’t even want to think about having a daughter.
“Yeah. What about you?”
“I’m fine,” she answers with a weak smile.
I want to shut down and pretend like none of this is happening, but based on our conversation a few days ago, I need to be there for her.
“Liar.” I look over, flashing her a funny grin. I pray to the Lord it’s not as forced as it feels, but based on her deflated reaction, I know it is. “So tell me what’s going to happen. This is my first ever gynecology appointment, you know.” I chuckle at my own joke, but Emma sits emotionless beside me. “Hey,” I say to catch her attention. “Seriously, are you okay?”
“Sorry. I’m just really anxious and…worried. The nurse said they were going to do an ultrasound today. What if something’s wrong?”
“Emmy, that is our baby you are talking about. It is way too stubborn for anything to be wrong. It’s probably already cussing and telling dirty jokes.”
“No, he isn’t!” she yells.
“He?” I lift a questioning eyebrow.
“It needs to be a boy. You can’t handle a daughter.” She finally gives me a true Emma Jane smile, and just that one flash of her immediately calms my nerves.
“Thank God we agree.” I pull into the parking spot and waste not a single second planting a kiss on her lips. I hold her against my mouth for longer than necessary, but I try to transfer some of my false confidence. I’m nervous as fuck but still manage to say, “Let’s go meet our foul-mouthed son.”
I HAVE a horrible feeling about this. I know it’s just a simple routine checkup, but I feel like I’m going to puke. The butterflies in my stomach are threatening an all-out revolt. It’s making me edgy, and even Caleb’s being at my side isn’t helping calm my nerves.
“Emma Erickson,” the nurse calls, and I spring to my feet as I hear Caleb groan behind me. I can’t even focus on him long enough to question it.
“That’s me.” I stop in front of her.
“Right this way. I’m going to need you to leave a urine sample then have a seat in the back waiting room. I’ll let ultrasound tech know you are here.”
“Okay,” I reply, hoping to God Caleb was listening to what she said because I’m so distracted I barely even registered her words at all.
“Emmy.” He catches my attention. “Go pee in a cup,” he finishes with a laugh.
“Right.” I head into the bathroom.
When I come back out, I find Caleb standing in the hall staring at a huge board covered with pictures of happy, smiling families. I follow his gaze to a picture of a man sitting on the side of his wife’s hospital bed. Their left hands are crossed, showing off their wedding rings as they hold a wrinkly newborn. It’s a nice picture, but I could do better. I do envy them though.
They probably had time together, a life, a plan. I mean, it’s not exactly like we are teens with an unexpected pregnancy, but the timing is all wrong.
Caleb was right the other night. I wish we had more time together, just the two of us. Part of me wonders if we would even be together if it weren’t for the baby right now. Sure, Caleb said that he was trying to get his shit together before the baby bomb was dropped, but how much time would have passed before he just gave up completely? He’s had to make a lot of changes to be with me. How long before he decides it wasn’t worth it? Now, I have to worry that he’s only here because of the baby. I know he loves me, but where were all of his heartfelt speeches before we fell apart?
While I love him for making it easy for us to get back together, I don’t necessary believe his motives. Caleb has sacrificed more than enough in his life. The last thing I want is for him to sacrifice his future just to do what he thinks is right by our baby. I saw his fake smile in the car today and heard his groan when we were called to the back. He can say whatever he wants to me, but I know that he feels obligated. He’s a good guy. I don’t doubt that for a second
Stolen Course (Wrecked and Ruined #2)
Aly Martinez's books
- Among the Echoes
- The Fall Up
- Fighting Solitude (On The Ropes #3)
- Retrieval (The Retrieval Duet #1)
- Transfer (The Retrieval Duet #2)
- The Spiral Down (The Fall Up #2)
- Broken Course (Wrecked and Ruined #3)
- Changing Course (Wrecked and Ruined #1)
- Fighting Shadows (On the Ropes #2)
- Fighting Silence (On the Ropes #1)
- Savor Me