“So what, you’ve been in contact with him all along?”
“No, not a word. Remember Josh nearly didn’t go to America because he met a girl in Sydney?” Bridget nods.
“That was me.” She gasps, eyes wide, and puts her hands up to her mouth.
“No way.” I nod again.
“If you haven’t been in contact, what’s with the celibacy?” I shrug as I chew over her question.
“It hasn’t been on purpose. Every time I’m with a man I think I’m going to go through with it but when it comes close, I can’t do it. I feel like I’m cheating on him and, to be fair, the guys don’t really get me hot for it.”
“Shit,” Abbie whispers. “This is a fucking crisis meeting if I ever saw one.”
I smile. “I know.”
“Ok, let’s rehash,” Abbie takes charge of the crisis meeting with her spoon pointing. “So you were in love with Joshua.”
I nod, “Correct.”
“And last night was the first time you have seen each other since.”
I nod again, “Correct.”
“And what happened?” she looks to Bridget who is still biting her thumbnail as she hunches her shoulders.
“I think he still is attracted to her. No actually, I know he is still attracted to her. He was watching her like a serial killer stalking his next victim.” I can’t help the broad smile from appearing on my face.
Abbie looks back to me. “And this is good is it?” I hunch my shoulders and nod. “So are you still attracted to him?”
I nod again. “Yes, seriously.”
“What happened at the wedding?” She looks between Bridget and me.
“We danced.”
“Dirty danced,” Bridget adds.
“And then we kissed.”
“Kissed,” Abbie repeats. “In front of your family?”
“Yes, it wasn’t planned, I was just so turned on. He makes me so crazy I forgot where I was.” She pinches her lips while assessing the situation, deep in thought.
“So it’s physical then?”
I nod, “I think so. I lose all coherent thought when he is anywhere near me. He just has this way. I don’t know, I can’t explain it. His body talks to mine.”
“What so, he’s like, dominant?”
I nod. “Totally and he’s seriously fucking hot, so it’s a lethal combo. The way he touches me, it’s like he will die if he doesn’t have me. He consumes me, I feel like I can’t breathe. Like I was meant to please him, to hold him.”
Her eyes widen. “Hmm,” she’s thinking, “has he called you today?” I pull my phone out of my bag and check it for the hundredth time today.
“No,” I answer flatly while looking at the screen.
“Does he have your number?”
“I don’t know,” I answer.
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I have to get some closure. I know that for sure I can’t move on until I can get him out of my head.”
“Is that what you want? To move on.”
“Yes. We can’t have a future together. I know that. We both know that, but there was something still there. I felt it and I know he did too. He forgot where he was as well, but I need to finish this for once and for all. I’m sick of this longing from a distance shit.” We sit in silence.
“This is heavy shit Natasha,” Bridget whispers.
“I know, I need to sort my shit out and I will. I feel like maybe it’s coming to a head now he is back, and I will be able to finish it up.”
“Good,” Bridget smiles. “Can you imagine the shit that would go down if the family found out?” I roll my eyes, “Don’t even go there.”
Sunday morning I was positive I was going to hear from him. Sunday night I was pacing, staring at my phone, willing the bastard to ring. Monday morning I had decided to ring him, Monday afternoon decided against it. I already looked desperate. Looked desperate, god I was desperate. Monday night at the gym I ran 12 km, a feat I hadn’t done before. Ok, I train better when stressed, a no brainer here. Then I went home and ate a whole block of chocolate. Tuesday morning I had all but given up—he probably hadn’t even thought about it again. I’m overreacting as usual where he is concerned. He really is pissing me off though. Ring, damn you. At lunchtime my work friend Simon walks into our staff room.