***
The rest of my day went fairly smoothly. That was, until Merrick broke news to me that pissed me off. We’d been going through my appointments for today and tomorrow when he paused for a moment before continuing in a slightly pained voice, “I’ve heard rumblings that Phil Deacon wants a shot at the Hurley construction job. Apparently, he’ll be bidding for it, and has made threats that he’ll do whatever it takes to win it over you.”
Our construction company was a huge part of our organisation these days. It was one of the areas we’d branched into after we walked away from drugs and prostitution years ago. The Hurley job was massive, and I didn’t intend for us to lose it.
I began pacing the room. Phil was a loose cannon; one never knew entirely what his next move would be. We’d have to tread carefully where he was concerned, because the fucker wasn’t afraid of using dirty tricks or violence to get what he wanted. “Keep an eye on him. I refuse to lose the job to him so I imagine it’ll get dirty for awhile.”
Merrick nodded. “Yeah, I figured. I’ll put Ben on him.”
Ben was a good choice: brilliant at what he did and not afraid to take whatever action was needed to ensure our end goals were met. “Good.”
I stopped pacing, my mood shifting as control eased back into me. “Has my mother called?”
A frown creased his forehead. “No. Doesn’t she usually call your direct number?”
“Yes, but I just realised I didn’t hear from her yesterday. Figured she may have called you instead.”
Understanding flickered in his eyes. “I’m sure she’s alright.”
“I’ll phone her, make sure.” My mother phoned me every day, checking in and letting me know she was okay. She’d started doing it when Marcus stopped seeing her late last year. I’d been surprised as fuck when he’d made that move, and I had to admit I’d been waiting for the day he changed his mind. She’d been distraught when he’d stopped seeing her, and I knew she’d fall at his feet whenever he said the word. For her to miss a call made me consider the possibility he’d taken her back.
As he left, Merrick added, “You’re a good man.”
I scoffed. “Hardly.” What the fuck was up with people telling me this shit today?
“Sure, we’ve been through some shit over the years, but this work we’re doing now is good.”
“Don’t let it fool you, Merrick. The good doesn’t negate the bad. And it certainly doesn’t make me a good person.”
He raised his eyebrows, the look on his face one of irritation. “I see things a little differently from you, Blade.”
He walked out of the room, and I sat back at my desk. Surveying my office, I thought back to when we started doing this work. The day Merrick and I took matters into our own hands was burned into my memory. Ashley had been the catalyst of that, had shown me the truth of the lie I’d been living up until that point. It had been a bloody battle that day; a battle I hadn’t hesitated to take charge of and do whatever was necessary to ensure victory. Justice had been served to the one who had wronged so many. The fact Ashley wasn’t here to witness the results of everything we’d put in motion that day broke my fucking heart. But it just reminded me life had a way of taking the good and fucking with it when you least expected it. All you could do was savour what you had, while you had it, and hope like hell you kept it for a long time.
***
My childhood memories weren’t happy ones. As I watched my mother lie to me the next morning, I recalled similar situations from when I was younger. I’d lost count of the number of times I begged her to stop seeing my father, and I’d lost count of the number of lies she’d told me when she agreed she would tell him to go. I knew she didn’t lie to me intentionally. She lied to herself as well. There were a few times she did follow through and kick him out, but within a couple of months, he was always back.
Theirs was such a dysfunctional love. I could never work out why they clung to each other like they did. The moments where I glimpsed tenderness between them gave me hope, but it was always short-lived, until the day when I was a teen and I decided enough was enough. I decided there had to be more to love than false hope and bullshit promises. If the person you loved couldn’t be there for you always, they weren’t worthy of your time or your affection.
It had been over a year since Marcus stopped seeing my mother. She’d grieved the loss of him, and I hoped she’d grown stronger through that experience; strong enough to say no to him the day he showed up again, back at her door. He’d stayed away longer than I thought he would, but I was sure he was back now. However, mum was denying it.
“Why aren’t you telling me the truth?” I demanded, a lifetime of anger flaring up.