“Yeah, but why don’t you date now? You give me all this advice about men and women, and you seem to know your shit, so any woman you date is going to be lucky.” Her voice softened. “Ashley was awhile ago, Blade. Don’t you think it’s time for you to move on?”
“Are we talking dating or are we talking fucking? ‘Cause I’ve got one of those covered, and I’m not interested in the other.” My voice had hardened, and I couldn’t control that as much as I may have wanted to.
“I worry about you,” she said, concern clear in her tone.
“Don’t worry about me. I can look out for myself; been doing it my whole fucking life.”
“I know you have, but you’ve got me in your life now, and it’s my job as your sister to worry and make sure you’re okay. I think you should reconsider the dating thing.”
Keeping myself under control around Madison was something I worked hard at. I didn’t bother with anyone else, except my mother. However, she was pushing me today, and I feared I was about to snap. My tone was hard and firm when I said, “Madison, it’s not going to happen.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but I silenced her with a glare. After a moment, she said, “Okay, I’ll let it be for now, but I’ll revisit this at some point. Someone’s gotta push you and I know you don’t have anyone else who is game, so it looks like it has to be me.”
At that moment, Harlow came over with our coffees and pancakes. I looked up at her. “Thank you.”
She smiled. “Anytime.”
I watched as she made her way back to where Scott was waiting for her. He looked our way and nodded at me before giving his attention back to Harlow.
Madison drew me back to our conversation. “Did you hear what I said?”
“Yes, and I have no doubt you’ll do what you said, but babe, you need to know Ashley was everything to me, and I’ve never met a woman since who even came close.”
“But how are you going to know if you’re so closed off to it?”
“I’ll know. Trust me, when a woman has what Ashley had, I’ll fucking know.”
She took that in, and finally acknowledged what I’d said. “She must have been pretty special.”
Memories flooded my mind and pierced my heart. Fuck, they still managed to do that even now, and I feared they always would. “She was.” I took a moment to get the words out. “She was the kindest, gentlest woman I’ve ever met who had a heart of gold. She accepted me and accepted what I did, but challenged me to do better. She dragged me out of that shit, and set me on a new path. If it wasn’t for her, I’d still be in deep.”
Madison leant across the table and reached for my hand. “I think you’re amazing, Blade. You’re too hard on yourself sometimes.”
Fuck, if only she knew the half of it.
I pulled my hand away from hers. “I’m not, and if you knew the truth about me you wouldn’t think that,” I snapped.
She knew I was angry now, but she wasn’t the type of woman who was easily affected by that. Having grown up surrounded by bikers would have taught her how to handle herself. She fixed a dirty glare on me and said, “Well, perhaps if you shared more about yourself with me, I would be able to show you that nothing you tell me would make me see you any differently. I love you and accept you for who you are; all of it, the good and the bad.”
I was done with fucking deep and meaningful for the day. Pointing at her pancakes, I said, “Eat up, I’ve got shit to do today, and discussing my feelings is not on that list.”
She huffed at me but did as I said.
We sat in silence until Scott joined us a few moments later. Eyeing me, he asked, “You heard from Marcus recently?”
“No,” I replied, taking in the dark circles under his eyes and exhausted features.
“Me either,” he murmured, deep in thought. “We should have a sit-down soon, go over where we’re all at with this.”
“Yeah. Work out a time with the boys and let me know.”
“You free tomorrow morning? My house.”
“Yeah, eight good for you?”
He nodded, then looked at Madison, and asked, “You okay?”
“Yes, apart from having brothers who don’t tell me shit,” she answered with a glare.
Frustration crossed Scott’s face. “Right, I’m out of here. See you tomorrow.”
As she watched him go, Madison blew out a long breath. They frustrated each other, and yet I could easily see the love and concern they shared. Madison’s was more obvious, but Scott’s was just as deep; he just showed it in his own way. Growing up, I would have done anything to have that kind of love in my life. Funny how the universe conspires endlessly against some people . . . but I’d fought back and took what I could when I had the opportunity. Having Madison’s love now was something I was grateful for, and I’d always do everything necessary to keep it. Showing her my true self would almost guarantee the loss of that love, though, and I wasn’t willing to take that gamble.