Lily sat next to Charles in church, holding hands, and she wished she could feel for him the way he felt toward her. It wouldn’t be too long from now that she was going to have to talk to him. She had already told him they had no future and he needed to find someone else, but he had just shook his head, saying he would wait.
Lily smiled sadly to herself. He would wait forever for her if she gave him the least bit of encouragement. She didn’t want that for him, though; it wasn’t fair. He deserved a woman that loved him as much as he loved her. She knew she didn’t have the stomach to be cruel to him like Shade suggested; she resolved that she could make him understand without hurting him.
Lily stood up when it came time to sing, her gaze caught by Rachel as she sat with her nephew and brothers. Holly and Mrs. Langley sat in the same pew. She and Rachel had worked long into the afternoon yesterday organizing the basement, talking throughout the long day, and she had found herself sharing things with her that she’d imparted only to Beth. Rachel was easy to talk to and she was Lily’s own age, sharing many of the same experiences. She would miss their days together when she went back to college, which she was already dreading with Penni’s absence.
After church, Charles went to the diner with her and they sat at the same table with Beth and The Last Riders. It was uncomfortable at first, yet gradually everyone at the table just ignored them as they sat at the end of the table talking quietly. All except Shade, whose eyes she could feel on them even though he had his sunglasses on.
“We’re going swimming, Lily. Want to come?” Beth invited.
“No, thanks. I’m going to stay at home and relax.” Lily refused the invitation, knowing they would refrain from taking their cooler of beer if she went. She didn’t want to spoil the day for them.
“Are you sure?” Beth asked.
“Yes.”
Not long after, Charles finished, bending down to give her his usual kiss on the cheek before he left.
A cup smashed on the floor and everyone jumped.
“Sorry, my elbow hit my cup,” Beth apologized.
“You didn’t get cut by any glass, did you?” Lily saw the smashed cup on the floor by her sister’s feet.
“No, I’m fine. Just clumsy.”
“I’ll call you tonight,” Charles said before leaving, ignoring the strained silence at the table.
When they got home a few minutes later, Beth and Razer went upstairs to change into their swimsuits. While they changed, Lily loaded the cooler with cold sandwiches and fruit for when they became hungry. Opening the refrigerator, she found some bottled water and sodas, putting those in the cooler, as well.
As she had taken out the water and soda, she had noticed that the beers Shade had left behind were still inside the fridge. Beth hadn’t asked why there was beer in there, so Lily had come to the conclusion that she had asked Shade to keep an eye on her. She felt ashamed that Shade had been put in the position of watching a grown woman.
“You sure you don’t want to change your mind and go?” Beth asked, coming into the kitchen.
“No, thanks. I think I’ll read for a while in the backyard and get some sun that way.”
“All right, if you’re sure.” Giving Razer a glance, she said, “We may just spend the night at the club, if that’s all right?”
“Of course. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”
Lily watched them leave, remembering the days that she and Beth would go spend the day together swimming. She missed those times with Beth. She didn’t resent Razer or the others. It was her own fault she couldn’t bear to be around them when they were drinking.
She changed into her bikini before fixing herself an iced tea and going outside into the backyard. She sat down on a lounge chair, putting on some tanning lotion before she lay back to read a self-help book.
She enjoyed lying in the warm sun, especially in the backyard that was completely closed off with a privacy fence and mature trees that prevented anyone from looking into it. It was her own safe-zone of privacy to just be herself since the houses on both sides were one-story and the home behind theirs was empty. It had been that way for years, but it was regularly maintained, and every now and then, they would see a car outside. Their father had told them it belonged to a couple who vacationed there twice a year.
Lily rolled onto her stomach after laying the lounge chair flat. She felt the swimsuit’s bottom ride up a little, but she was too drowsy to fiddle with it, knowing no one would see. It was getting a little snug on her and she needed to get a new one. She’d had the same one since high school, though as she seldom wore it, she didn’t want to waste the money.
Lily later woke from her nap startled, feeling warm hands rubbing cold lotion into her skin. Her hands went to her side, ready to jump up from the lounge chair.
“Stay still. I didn’t want you to burn,” Shade’s voice sounded behind her as his hands rubbed more lotion onto the backs of her legs.
“That’s enough. I was going to go in and get changed,” Lily protested.