“It was nothing Lauren, don’t worry about it, stop over reacting”
I reach over and turn on the bedside lamp, what is he saying? What is he telling me, is he outright confessing that he’s been unfaithful? My brain automatically gives me an image of Gabe and what we could have been doing right now, if I had only been armed with this information earlier. There is something seriously wrong with my thought process right now, the man I have been in a relationship with for 26 years, married to for 25, the man who thinks it’s okay to push, pull and drag me about, has just confessed to sleeping with someone else and my first thoughts are of another man, does that make me as bad as Jay, as I’m just as guilty of adultery as he is?
“Don’t worry about it, just go to sleep, it must be four in the morning I have to be out at 6 I’m playing golf”
“What the fuck difference does it make what time it is? It could be three in the arvo, tell me what the fuck is going on here, are you fucking someone else? Fucking tell me”
I know I am starting to become hysterical, I don’t feel like crying but I do want answers and he is just brushing me off and has turned over away from me. Anger starts to kick in as he says “turn the light off and go to sleep, no wonder I don’t wanna fuck ya, you miserable bitch”
I turn my back on him and say nothing, I can’t speak, I have so many thoughts charging through my mind, I am quite literally, gob smacked.
“Turn the fucking light off” I jump as he roars at me….
“Fuck you Jay; turn the fucking light off yourself”
Without warning I feel his feet kick right into the middle of my back and I fly out of the bed, crashing into the bed side chest of drawers face first. The small chest falls over with the force and I land on it with my arm out trying to protect myself from the impact. The drawers turn and my hand slips, sending my ribs smashing into the corner. I am aware of a sharp pain in my shoulder but for a few seconds I am completely stunned. I start to get up but let out a cry as pain shoots through my shoulder again.
“Here we go with the dramatics. Turn the light off while you’re down there, there’s a good girl” He actually laughs as he turns over and away from me, closing his eyes.
I get up onto my knees and attempt to stand. I am aware of the sound of blood dripping onto the carpet. My nose is bleeding but there is blood dripping down my back too. I put my hand into my hair it’s soaked; I am momentarily horrified by the amount of the dark red blood coming from my head and just stand and stare... Think, think, think.... I want to curl up in a ball and hide....I swipe the back of my arm across my nose and attempt to calm my breathing and steady my legs. Adrenalin is coursing through me and I am shaking badly. The pain in my shoulder is excruciating to the point that I think I'm going to vomit. I try to hold onto it, I don't want to make any kind of noise that might wake Jason up but he is now snoring so I rush into the toilet and empty the contents of my stomach. Calm, calm, calm is all that I'm thinking. I need to stay calm and get myself out of here before he wakes. I walk into my wardrobe and pull on my UGGS and I grab a hoody but I almost cry out loud when I try to pull it over my vest and shorts. I check that I can still hear Jason snoring and instead grab a long cardigan and just put one arm in. I know I have enough time to grab my bag and throw in my purse, phone and glasses, I grab my charger too, another of life's essentials and not planning on returning here, ever again, I creep out of the bedroom, out of the front door and out of my marriage.
I run down the street and onto a back road. I want to avoid the main roads incase Jason wakes up and realises I’m missing. I pull out my phone and press Jo in my contacts. I choose her because she lives alone so it’s only her I will be disturbing and not an entire household as I would if I called Jem or Lu.
I carry on walking as I wait for an answer but the call rings out and goes to message bank. I know I need to calm myself but I’m terrified he will drive along and find me. I call twice more before Jo answers
“Lauren, what's wrong?”
“Jo” I sob “Jo can you come and get me please, I've had a fight with Jay”
“Where are you?”
“I have no idea...I got out of the house and ran when he went to sleep, I can’t see the name of the street” I’m crying and trying to catch my breath... I do know the name of this street but my brain won't function properly. A car drives by and I'm frozen with fear, it drives straight on and I actually whimper with relief. I can hear Jo calling my name down the phone.
“Lauren, listen to me, please calm down and listen to me, go to the little row of shops where the bakers are and wait there, I'm already in the car and on my way. I'll be as quick as I can, calm yourself down and just wait for me”