He tilts my chin up and looks down at me, even in my heels he is over a foot taller than me, he must be at least six three, six four. That’s really tall when you’re only five feet two inches tall/small?
He kisses me very, very softly on my mouth, not letting go of my chin. My arms go up and around his neck, his arms move around my back and he pulls me in and presses me tightly against him, our kiss grows deeper and I pull on his hair, his taste, his smell, everything about him feels like it was made especially for me, to fit me and I know that sometime in the very near future, I will have sex with this man, and I can’t wait. He breaks away first and rests his chin on top of my head for a minute, then he whispers into my ear
“Fuck Lauren, what are you doing to me? I want you like you wouldn’t know, I really need to go before I drag you out of here by force” Mmmmm force, I like force, when it’s between consenting adults of course.
“That look isn’t helping my resolve Lauren, I meant bad force, not kinky force but I will store that thought away for the future, I’m going, I will see you in the morning, Ciao Bella” How did he know that? How did he know what I was thinking? He kisses my forehead and is gone. I actually feel a stab of physical pain at his departure and miss him instantly! Grow up Lauren, my brain is screaming at me. Grow up, what are you thinking? He is so not what you need in your life right now.
I look over to my girlfriends, they are all looking back at me.
“What are you thinking Lauren?” Shit, I must have made such a show of myself. “Go home with him for fucks sake, he’s hot and he obviously wants you, go and let him fuck your brains out, and then go home to Jay smelling of another man, a real man”
Ahhh Jo if only you knew how tenuously my grip is hanging on to my morals right now. I shake my head at them all and blow out a big breath.
‘Better Be Home Soon’ is being sung, another favourite. Who am I kidding, every song is my favourite when I've had a drink! But we do love this song, It's our anthem, it’s what we always sing at the end of a drunken night together, and the song we play down the phone if ever one of us is missing from a night out. When we start singing this, our husbands know it’s time to take us home, that’s the way it has been in the past at least. Well not anymore, from now on, I won't go home 'till I'm ready. Which was probably a couple of hours ago.
“Woohoo, Chooooooon gotta be done” I shout as we head back onto the dance floor.
CHAPTER THREE
It’s almost 3.30 in the morning when I let myself in. Jays car isn’t on the drive but that doesn’t mean he's not home, if he's had a drink, he would have taken a cab home. I’m not entirely sure what his plans were for the evening but I know he was going out and I know he has a golf day and an early start in the morning so he may well already be home
I open the bedroom door as quietly as possible and am relieved to see he is still out but quite literally, as I slide into bed, I hear his key turn in the door. I take in a few deep breaths and steady my breathing and settle into my pretend sleep mode but the effects of the alcohol and the late hour mean that I fall into a deep sleep almost instantly. I’m not sure how much time has passed when something wakes me up, taking a few seconds to get my bearings and still feeling very drunk, I realise that Jay is pulling at my sleep shorts.
“Jay, what the fuck...I’m sleeping, wait till morning” I mumble
“Shhhh, come on; get your shorts off” he slurs. Jason has never been a big drinker but every now and then he gives it a good go and being a big bloke I know he must have drunk a lot to be slurring his words.
“Come on Ren” he says into my neck as he tries to put his hand up my vest
"I’ve missed you, I haven’t had sex for a week, come on, just fuckin do it, don't fuck me about”
My blood runs cold…What did he just say? He hasn’t had sex for a week? I haven’t had sex for well over a month. I am suddenly stone cold sober and sit up in my bed, pushing his arms away.
“You haven’t had sex for a week….so who the fuck was it you were having sex with a week ago, because it certainly wasn’t me Jay?”
“What are you banging on about Lauren? Just take off your shorts and fuck me, I’ll be quick” My head’s spinning but it’s not from the alcohol I’ve consumed, it’s from the cold harsh reality that’s slowly sinking into my brain.
“Who have you been fucking Jay? We haven’t fucked in over a month and yet you had sex a week ago, who are you fucking?”
I don’t know if I’m angry, relived, devastated. He is fucking about behind my back and then coming home and beating me? Why have I stayed, why didn’t I get out years ago? I just cannot believe this, how did I not know, how did I not realise, I’m an idiot, a complete and utter idiot!