“What was that for?”
“For being stupid,” She says and her eyes are sparking with anger. She gets up and starts walking away.
“Where in the hell are you going?”
“Anywhere away from you,” She tosses back at me, but she doesn’t bother to turn around or stop. I get up and take off after her.
“Carrie, damn it.”
She’s walking along the concrete pathway by the lake.
“We’re on my bike! Are you planning on walking all the way home?” I yell aggravated.
“If I have to! Who knows maybe someone will pick me up along the side of the road and we’ll fall madly in love! I’m stupid like that. I can fall in love with man after man. Heck! Sometimes I fall in love with three a day!”
She’s screaming and it’s a nice evening, so the marina is not empty. People are staring at her likes she’s crazy. There’s nothing about our situation funny, but I can’t help the smile that breaks out on my face. I increase my pace and catch her, grab her arm and turn her around to me. The smile on my face dies when I see the tears in her eyes and how pale her face looks.
“I’m sorry Care Bear, it was a stupid thing to say.”
She pushes the hair away from her face and tugs until I let her go. I bury my hands in my pockets to keep from picking her up and carrying her away.
“I won’t do this with you anymore, Jacob. I can’t. If you don’t understand by now how much I love you? How much I’ve bent over backwards for you and swallowed your hateful words? Damn it! If you don’t get it by now, you’re never going to and I’m tired of banging my head against a brick wall! It hurts! I don’t understand what else I’m supposed to do so that you finally get it!”
“Get what, Care Bear?”
“That I love you! You and only you, Jacob Blake! I am not five years old, with a case of puppy love for the older boy! I am here now! I know you’re riddled with problems and God knows there’s nothing perfect about you! I get it! I live with it every day and I’m still here!”
I listen to her words. My heart picks up in beat. I want to believe in her…I think I’m starting to.
“You got to know that doesn’t sound like you love me. It doesn’t even sound like you like me, Princess.”
She stops her tirade and turns her head to the side like she thinks I am insane and hell maybe I am.
“I told you I’m not a girly-girl.”
“No, you’re mine,” I tell her and I almost believe it.
Chapter 30
Carrie
I am lying in bed as the front door closes. Jacob’s headed to the club. He thinks I’m clueless to the secrets he’s keeping. I’m not. I know he’s not sleeping when he’s in our bed. Worse, the therapist called the house a couple of weeks ago wondering if Jacob had found other services. He had missed his scheduled appointments and failed to respond to their calls and letters. He’s been lying to me, saying he’s going to therapy.
I need to talk to him about all of this. I’ve been afraid to rock the boat, so I’ve let it go. I let a lot of things go. Most notably the fact that I am pregnant. I went to the doctor yesterday. I thought I had a vitamin problem because I’m just so tired all the time. I’m not. I’m pregnant. I. Am. Pregnant.
Yeah I keep telling myself that over and over and it’s still not totally sinking in. My hand moves over my stomach which is still flat of course, but I swear I can almost feel a warmth that has never been there before. I have Jacob’s baby inside of me. Jacob’s baby! I don’t know anything about being a mom. I don’t even have my mom to lean on to show me the ropes. I’m scared.
I lock down that thought before it blossoms. I’ve done that since my parents died. I can’t think about it, not right now. I can’t handle it! I’ll tackle it all later. That’s been my motto. At first it was, I’ll deal with it all after Dragon finds the man who hurt us. Now it’s after I get everything better with Jacob. I know it’s not healthy. I do. I just can’t seem to stop myself.