Suddenly that bursting feeling felt all too literal. There was too much. Too much happiness, too much love. Too much fear. My body shook as it struggled to contain the explosion. However it would come, it wouldn’t be pretty—I never was.
I turned in his arms, needing the intimacy of face-to-face. He resisted at first, wanting to continue his assault on me, but I was insistent. It was his turn. Or really it was mine. Nothing felt better than pleasuring this man.
The air was thick with moisture—that had to be why my breaths were shallow and my eyelashes wet. His eyes were the potent black of a lake, drowning me, but his arms rested at his sides. I surveyed his body like an explorer does a map. I wanted to visit each place if only I could decide where to go first.
I sprinkled my fingertips across his shoulders, then trailed them lower to his flat, brown nipples. Leaning forward, I licked one of them, then nibbled across to the other. I started to kiss my way down. I knew where he wanted my mouth, of course. I wanted it there too.
I flashed back to when I’d tried to go down on him the very first time we’d had sex. He’d stopped me. I hadn’t understood what he was about, then. He’d wanted to give me pleasure; that was nice. But he didn’t want to receive pleasure, and that was just perverse, especially for a man.
I realized something. He’d been respectful and generous, not things I’d expected nor even wanted from a guy at the club. But something he hadn’t been was open. He’d kept himself closed off from me, piercing my walls but not letting me in himself. I’d been so distracted by his invasion, his domination of me, that I hadn’t noticed his own reserve. It had been okay, then. We’d been strangers.
But not now. Oh, he’d let me blow him now. I’d already done it several times, and I was sure I’d do it again tonight, but he still held himself back from me. As horrible as the last time we’d had sex had been, at least I had reached him inside then. Of course, I’d reached him through pain and shame in a way that neither of us wanted to repeat. Could I reach him this way, through pleasure? I could try.
Tugging on his arm, I made him turn around. He looked a little bit confused and a little more frustrated he wouldn’t be getting what he wanted. Have patience. I grinned at him.
I placed his hands against the wall at the back of the shower so that his body canted forward. And then I did what I wanted to do, hoping it would please him too. I licked along the seams of his muscles, starting on his back as high as I could reach on my tiptoes, and making my way down. I took my time, stopping to explore every path, every route, sometimes backing up to taste another. I used my hands to mark my progress along his backside, occasionally slipping them around front to stroke his erection, like an erotic compass.
I roved over his ass, tracing the indents at his side and even slipping my tongue in the crease. Then lower, across the backs of his thighs. I knelt behind him, a supplicant with all the power. Above me he shook and groaned into the wall, but I barely heard him over the rush of water in my ears.
I had just reached his calves when he snapped.
Without warning he turned. One hand behind my head and the other on his cock, he guided my mouth to him. He pushed his cock inside, held it there, and then pulled back. Then again. In and out, he thrust. I rested my hands on his thighs and let him use my mouth.
And Colin, my taciturn, reserved Colin, spoke to me in words of sex and love. “Fuck, yes,” he said. “I love your mouth. Jesus…Fucking…Christ, take me. That’s right. Deeper. Christ, Allie. Fuck!”
I could feel the shudders that worked through him, telling of restraint, but he wasn’t gentle. I felt no respect or generosity, kneeling here on the hard tub bottom as he fucked my mouth, but he’d let me in. This was Colin, harsh and demanding. Open and beautiful.
“You’re so fucking sexy,” he said. “Jesus! Beautiful. There, suck on the tip. Now open, deeper. All the way, hold it. Yes.”
The words tumbled out of his mouth. I’d opened the floodgates. Even though I knew they’d close again eventually, this was as close as I’d ever be to him, here with his cock in my mouth.
“I want to hold it in,” he said. “Just for a little while. Take a deep breath. Now, there. Ahhh, Jesus. You’re okay. I’ve got you. Fuck…fuck.”
He pulled me back, and I sucked in breaths. I’d gagged, and tears had streamed down my cheeks, but thank God, he hadn’t stopped. We did it twice more, my nose to his groin while his cock pulsed inside my throat. There could be no greater gift than my breaths. No greater sign of trust than my life in his hands.