“I met him in prison.”
She moved so that she was lying almost on her stomach with her arms resting on my chest. Her eyes met mine; questioning. This wasn’t something I ever spoke about; it was all new to her. “Because you were open about that, I’m going to assume you’re okay with talking about it but if not, just tell me to back off. What were you in prison for?”
I ran my hand over her hair as I answered her; I liked the constant contact with her when she was near. It helped calm my demons; the demons that pushed to the surface when I thought about this time in my life. “For assault.”
Her eyes were kind; she held no judgment. “How long were you there?”
“Two years.”
Silence surrounded us as she took it in, her eyes never leaving mine. She seemed to be weighing something up. Finally, she asked, “Nash, have you ever talked about this with anyone?”
“Yeah, babe.” I fought the rising anxiety, and focused on her in an effort to quiet it.
She chewed her lip and then wiggled her way up my body a little bit so that our faces were closer. Her warm breath settled on my skin as we stared at each other. When she reached her hand up to run her fingers through my hair, my anxiety calmed and I blew out a breath.
She saw me relax and smiled. “You okay, now?” she whispered.
It was in that moment, I realised Velvet knew what she was doing. I nodded. “You know?”
“That you’re suffering from anxiety?”
“Yeah,” I said, softly. Time slowed. My focus was entirely on Velvet; I saw only her. It was like the maddening assault of emotions and feelings quieted, and receded, allowing me full control over my attention for the first time in a long time.
“My mum suffered from it for years. I recognised the symptoms. Have you had it treated?”
“Yeah, baby,” I admitted, and then added, “You’re the only person I’ve told though, besides my doctor.”
“Your family don’t know?”
“I’m sure they realise, but it’s not something we talk about. They’ve tried to get me to, but talking about it brings up shit I don’t want to deal with.”
She continued to run her fingers through my hair.
Soft.
Calming.
Loving.
Exactly what I needed.
“I’m here for you, whatever you need. Tell me you hear me when I say that,” she said, her piercing gaze demanding so much from me.
Fuck.
I hesitated, but she didn’t let me off. She held my gaze, and I knew she wasn’t budging an inch. I had to give her what she’d asked for. And I knew it was going to be both my undoing and my healing.
Fuck.
Slowly, I nodded. “Yes, I hear you.”
Her hand moved to my face, her fingers tracing soft patterns on my cheek. Never in my life had I been with a woman who was so caring; who didn’t ask me for anything in return. Velvet just loved. She’d loved me as a friend for so long now and I hadn’t truly acknowledged that for what it was. It was way past time to do that.
I took her hand in mine. “Thank you.”
She smiled. “You’re welcome.”
I shook my head. She didn’t know what I was thanking her for. “No, baby. I’m thanking you for what you’ve already done for me, not for what you’re offering to do now.”
Confusion flickered over her face. “What have I already done for you, Nash?”
“You’ve been a friend to me. And I was a bastard to you on more than one occasion. I don’t fuckin’ deserve you but I’m gonna take you and everything you’re offering.”
She swallowed hard, and her eyes teared up.
“Shit, sweet thing, I didn’t want to make you cry,” I murmured.
Smiling through her tears, she said, “They’re happy tears, baby.”
“Happy for what?”
“You reminded me that I’m worthy of love. James took that belief from me and I’ve struggled ever since to feel worthy again. And you do deserve me, Nash. I see your pain. I know there’s more, and I know you’ll share it with me eventually, but whatever has happened to make you think you don’t deserve love, it’s not true.”
Fuck me, she was an angel. I wasn’t sure I’d ever deserve her. I rolled us over so I was lying over her. Bending my lips to hers, I murmured, “You’re mine now, Velvet.”
Our lips joined in a slow, gentle kiss. A kiss that stirred long buried desires. Life had thrown a lot of fucking curve balls, and hadn’t turned out the way I’d planned. And although I’d never have the one thing I’d always truly desired, I knew that having Velvet would help me deal with the loss of that dream. Fuck knew, it was time to finally deal with that; ten years was long enough to hold onto that heartache.
Chapter 24
Brave ~ Sara Bareilles
––––––––
Velvet
Mine.