Something shifted across Nash’s face and I felt his body tense. His voice was gruff when he asked me, “You wanted kids with him?”
My heart ached dredging this up. “Yes,” I whispered, “It was all I ever wanted. The idea of creating my own family that I could love and give everything to that I never had, that was what kept me going some days.”
Nash stopped caressing my back. His hand stilled as he asked, “What happened, sweetheart?”
I swallowed, the tightness in my throat making it hard. I raised my eyes to look at his face. The concern I found there reached out and touched me lovingly. In that moment, I fell a little more. “I fell pregnant pretty much straight away but I miscarried. And James kept getting me pregnant only to lose the baby each time. Falling pregnant was never hard, but I just couldn’t carry a baby to term. With every baby lost, James became more of an asshole and chipped away a little more of my self belief each day. Until the day he decided I was useless to him, and he erased me from his life.” My voice caught and I held back a sob. It wasn’t the memories of James that threatened tears; I mourned my lost babies. When the one thing you want in life is given but then ripped from you, over and over, it causes wounds that never truly heal.
Nash moved to lay over me. He held himself just above me, his powerful frame rigid, his muscles flexing. His eyes held mine for a moment, and then he shifted to lie on his side, resting on his elbow. He reached out and cradled my cheek with his hand, letting his thumb rub gently over my skin. “In my experience, it’s the ones we love the most who have the ability to crush us. They have the fuckin’ ability to rip our hearts out and shred them until we’re left broken and hopeless. And then life has a way of trampling us even more when we’re down. I’m in fuckin’ awe of you, baby. You took that shit that happened to you, all of it, and you said to fuck with it. And you’ve built your life into something good. In fuckin’ spite of all those assholes.”
My heart constricted. Nash saw me clearly. He saw all the pain I’d experienced, all the obstacles I’d faced, the struggle of my life. And he saw what I’d done with all of that.
He got me.
The first tear escaped and he brushed it away. When the subsequent tears fell, he leant down and kissed them away. I couldn’t stop them; it was years worth of tears that I’d been holding in. They just kept flowing. And Nash let them. He sat with my pain in a way that no-one in my life ever had before.
I opened my mouth to say something, but he gently laid a finger over my lips. “Shhh, baby, there’s no need for words. Just let it all out,” he whispered.
I did what he said, and sobbed quietly in his arms. He watched me, not flinching from it, and when I started to settle, he shifted again on the bed to lie on his back. His arm rested over my shoulders and he settled me close to him.
“Go to sleep, darlin’, tomorrow’s a new day, and I’m gonna make you breakfast and take you for a long ride. Best way to blow some of the shit out of your head as far as I’m concerned.”
Some of the heaviness in my heart had shifted; opening myself up and sharing my pain with Nash had freed me. Sleep would claim me soon, but until then my thoughts were focused on him. He cared deeply; I sensed it in my soul. I’d caught glimpses of it in him over the years, but he’d kept it well hidden. Nash was so broken that he didn’t allow himself to share the love he had to give, and he didn’t allow anyone in to give him the love he needed. I wanted to give him what he’d just given me. I wanted to help him unshackle himself from the pain holding him back.
Chapter 23
Who I am With You ~ Chris Young
Nash
Velvet blasted me with a smile that stole me. She’d already stolen my body. Now she stole my fucking heart. Truth be told, she’d stolen it last night when she bared her soul to me. The moment she reached deep inside and laid herself out for me was the moment she had it; the moment she finally owned me. I’d known it was coming, I just thought it would take a lot fucking longer.
And I was okay with it. I was more than fucking okay with it. Call me a pussy, I didn’t give a fuck. This woman was going to revive me; I was sure of it.
She eyed me with a questioning look. “I didn’t think you made anyone breakfast, Nash Walker.”
I grinned at her. “Turns out I was wrong. Now sit your ass down, woman. You’re about to have your mind blown by my food.”
“Your talents extend to cooking?”
“Baby, you ain’t seen nothing yet. My talents are many and varied.”
“Well bring it on, dude. Hit me.”
I’d made eggs benedict for her, and her eyes widened in appreciation when I placed it in front of her.
“A biker who can cook?” she mused as she began eating. Her face lit up after her first bite. “Oh my God, Nash, you can actually cook!”
I laughed. “You’ve met my mother, sweet thing. She’s not the kind of woman to send her boys out into the world without cooking skills.”