I’m dragged from sleep by the unusual sound of chatter coming from the house and garden and I can also hear splashing in the pool; I force my eyes open, for a change Gabe isn’t wrapped around me but is lying on his back, one arm bent at the elbow and covering his eyes, the other lying across his hips, his hand over his crown jewels, as if protecting them, he’s kicked the doona completely off himself in the night and apart from his boxers, he’s gloriously naked and I take my time looking over him, I can see his lashes fanning out across his cheeks, I push myself up on one elbow to get a better view, his nose is very straight, his nostrils quite wide, his philtrum is quite deep as it runs down to meet the perfect bow of his full top lip. Lips that have kissed and sucked every inch of my body. My face burns at that thought and for a few seconds I fight to control the anxiety that starts to crush my chest. Why? Why does the thought of him kissing and sucking and licking every square inch of me almost bring on an anxiety attack? I’m a grown woman, we are a pair of consenting adults, and we are in love with each other.
There, there it is again, the little rush of panic and as much as it pisses me off, even to admit it to myself, it’s because of the self-doubt I still have. I know that he loves me, he’s fought for me, for us, he’s begged me to come back to him when I left and he begged me to marry him until I agreed and last night in front of all our friends and family, he stood up and told them how much he loved me and how happy he is that I have agreed to become his wife and then he sung me the most beautiful love song, in front of everyone, no shame, no embarrassment, he sung to me. So what more do I need, what more can he possibly do to convince me that it’s me he loves, me he wants to spend the rest of his life with? And finally, finally it starts to sink into my stupid, self-doubting brain, that there is nothing more he can do, he’s done what he can, the rest is up to me, up to me to finally accept that I am worthy of this second chance, worthy of this beautiful man and the life and love he wants to share with me and I resolve to myself, that from this moment, I will no longer question or doubt him, I will accept and enjoy everything he wants to throw my way. From his inexperienced words of love, to his absolute expert sexing skills, I will take it all and enjoy, every word, every look, every touch and every thrust he wants to send my way, without question. I let out a big sigh, well that’s that sorted then.