I spend the next half hour with Gabe squeezed between my thighs, my arms wrapped around his waist as we dodge and weave our way across the lake; when we get back to the boat the kids are all desperate for another turn so I take Ava with me. Jackie instantly volunteers to take one of the other kids but none of them want to go with her, so Charlie jumps on, everyone seems to be amazed, apparently Jackie renews her license every year but none of them have ever seen her on the boat or a Jet Ski…ever. CJ jumps on the back of Gabe and we all head out. I love the sensation of the wind and the spray off the water on my face as we pick up speed.
“Hold tight,” I shout to Ava as I turn in the water. She screams “Woohoo Lauren you’re the best” as she squeezes me tight; I never thought it was possible to love a child that wasn’t of your flesh and blood as much as you do your own but in that moment I realise that I do, I love Ava as if she were my own and quite possibly feel even a little more protective of her because she’s a girl and I have never had that dynamic. We stop just as we get back to the boat, Gabe pulls up alongside us, with a boyish grin on his face; I squirm and smile back at him stupidly; he stands and leans forward and gives me a salty kiss.
“Having fun?”
“Hell yeah.”
“Get a room you two” Ava and CJ say in unison and laugh.
Gabe’s eyes are on me, all intense and hooded and I know exactly what’s on his mind. We had been thwarted at our attempts to have a quickie this morning by the amount of people coming in and out of our bedroom and despite last night’s antics, I am so desperately horny for him.
“Let’s head back, it’s getting late” Gabe states.
Mouthing to me “I wanna fuck you” I start to blush in case Ava has worked out what he just said from over my shoulder. I’m vaguely aware of the sound of an engine…then, nothing, black.
GABRIEL
CHAPTER 12
I jolt awake, taking a few seconds to get my bearings, a few seconds before cold, icy reality sinks in, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, I don’t want this to be real. The smell and the sounds are the first to invade and shatter my oblivion. Antiseptic, disinfectant, bleach, sickness, death? Whatever the fuck it is, all hospitals smell of it, public or private, they all have that 'hospital smell'. Then there are the sounds; the quiet hum of conversation, the occasional sound of someone crying, trolleys squeaking, machines bleeping. I'm aware of all of this before my world once again comes crashing down around me. Fuck, no, no, no.... Please, I don't want this to be true, I don’t want any part of this to be true. I kiss her hand as she lies there in the bed, looking tiny, fragile and yet so peaceful. There are tubes in her hand, up her nose and down her throat, machines bleeping at the end of the bed and a blood pressure cuff that tightens around her arm every so often. I don't think I have cried so many tears in my life, I have begged and I have pleaded for divine intervention, I've asked my Mum, who I have always believed is watching over me to help. I've offered myself. Let it be me, please, take me, just let her live, because if she doesn't, I don't think I will be able to go on; but nothing, nothing at all has changed, she still just lays there looking serene and beautiful and totally oblivious to the chaos and heartache that's going on all around her and every now and then that makes me angry, if she just knew, just for a split second, what we are all going through, how much we love her and want her well again, I just know she would wake up; but she doesn't and that makes me angry and helpless, I can't do anything, I can't change anything, I can't make her wake up and I can't make it all go away; and that makes me so fucking angry.
I've made her hand wet with my tears. I sniff and wipe my face on my T-shirt.
“Baby, please wake up, please, I love you so much, so, so much, please try, for me, please try.”