I’d forgotten about this part. The last time I was on birth control was when I was with Blaine. I don’t know how many times Ronan has finished inside of me now, completely unprotected. But I won’t soon forget the panic on his face when I mentioned the possibility of getting pregnant.
As I walk down the hall to the bathroom and go through the process, I tell myself it’s not even possible. I mean, it was only a few times. And he did use a condom once. But then I try to count the dates in my head, and I start having a mini panic attack.
I haven’t been eating properly, and I’ve been a jittery stress head. I think I did miss my period last month, but now I’m not really sure. By the time I get back to the doctor, I’m a nervous wreck and she reads it on my face.
“I’ll do it right here,” she says, going about the process.
I don’t watch. I sit down on the couch and stare up at the ceiling. I was supposed to be leaving. If things had gone to plan, I’d already have been gone. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Because I had a plan. A light at the end of the tunnel. But before the doctor even says the words, I know it’s coming. And then she confirms it with her words, and everything swirls around me.
I’m pregnant.
With Ronan’s child. And if he finds out there’s a good chance he’ll either freak the fuck out or imprison me in this life forever. I don’t like either side of that coin toss.
The doctor reaches out and gently squeezes my shoulder.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” I reply with a jerky nod. “But this stays between us, right?”
“Of course,” she says. “I’d be happy to schedule you an appointment in my office if…”
“That’s okay.” I rush to stand up and almost fall over in the process. “I’ll make one later. I can do that, right?”
“Of course,” she says. “But I wouldn’t put it off too long. You’ll need a blood test and…”
“Okay,” I cut her off.
I know I’m being rude, but I just want that pregnancy test gone. She walks to the kitchen and cleans up and I pace the length of the dining room, staring out the window. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Oh God, what the hell am I going to do?
I don’t even wait for the doctor to leave before I shuffle down the hall to my room and scramble through my purse for my cell phone. But it isn’t there. And after digging through the rest of the boxes, I can’t find it anywhere.
A throat clears behind me, and I spin around to find Ronan in the door frame.
“All good?” he asks.
His gaze is probing, his voice tense. And it almost makes me want to tell him. Almost. But then there’s that boyish innocence in his eyes. God, how can one man be so contradictory? He’s a killer, a cold-blooded murderer for the mafia, and yet he can be so innocent sometimes.
“Where’s my phone?” I ask.
My question makes his eyes turn down, which puts me on guard.
“I had to get rid of it,” he answers. “It wasn’t safe.”
I don’t even have the energy for that argument, so instead I ask for his. When he hesitates again, I get irritated.
“I need to call Mack,” I snap. “Is that alright? Or can you have her come over? I want to see her.”
He still isn’t moving, or responding, and I feel as though I need to explain further for some reason. Like he can see right through me.
“I didn’t get to see her after the wedding,” I tell him. “She’ll think I just left town without saying goodbye.”
Finally, my words seem to find a crack in his armor. “I’ll sort something out,” he says.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ronan
“Are you going to kidnap and kill me?” Mack asks from the passenger seat.
My grip squeezes the wheel as I keep my eyes fixed on the road.
“If that were the case, do ye think I’d answer that question honestly?”
“Well, Ronan,” she says. “Yes, I actually think you would. You’re weird like that. I don’t think you really have it in you to tell a lie.”
Her words feel like an accusation though I know it’s just Mack’s personality. She doesn’t know how wrong she is in this case though.
“So what’s with all of the secrecy?” she asks. “I don’t like hiding things from Lach. We’re not doing that stuff anymore. So unless you give me a good reason…”
I glance at her across the car and I know she’s right. She’ll tell Crow, and he’ll rip me a new one even though he was in the same situation not too long ago.
“I needed Sasha to stay a little longer,” I tell her.
Mack stares at me and the car is silent for a long pause before she bursts into laughter. “Oh God, Ronan. What did you do?”
“Why does it matter?” I reply. “You wanted her to stay.”
“Of course I did,” Mack answers. “But not through coercion, or kidnapping, or whatever it is you’ve drummed up.”
“There are people that might have seen her with me,” I tell her. That part isn’t really a lie. Even though I would have noticed. And I would have taken them out the first chance I got. “I just need her to stay a little longer.”
“Right,” Mack says. “And she thinks she’s in danger, meanwhile. That’s a great plan you’ve got there, Ronan.”