“I love you,” he said.
I sat up and wiped my face, trying to look him in the eyes. He walked over to me and pulled me to my feet, wrapping his arms around me.
“I want you to come home with me,” he said against my hair.
I nodded. It was the only thing I was capable of.
We kept pace with one another in silence down the hall. Jared didn’t reach for my hand; he simply walked beside me, opening the various doors for me as we walked to the Escalade. When he pulled away from the curb I struggled to keep the tears at bay.
Jared reached over and gently placed his hand on mine. “Don’t cry,” he whispered.
I shut my eyes, praying he wouldn’t offer further comfort.
He drove to the loft and parked. Neither of us moved after he switched off the ignition.
“I can have Claire grab some of your things if you decide to stay,” he said, looking ahead.
“Do you want me to stay?” I looked down at our hands, afraid of his answer.
Jared’s eyes darted over to me. “Do you even have to ask?”
“You shouldn’t want me. I’m a horrible person. You must be so angry.”
“I’m not angry. You feel bad enough for the both of us,” he paused for a moment, and then continued. “This isn’t your fault. It’s not even his fault…I did this. You’re supposed to be with him,” he said, his voice breaking at the end.
“Don’t I have a say in who I want? Don’t I have a choice? I don’t feel that I do. Even you act as if I don’t. No matter what I do, I lose.”
“You don’t know that, Nina. I could just be in the way.”
I shook my head, refusing to even consider that.
Jared gently pulled my chin to face him. “He said he wouldn’t make you choose. But if you don’t have a choice, I’m the one that loses. So I’m going to make you choose, Nina. Choose me. Please….choose me.” He shook his head. “I can’t live without you.”
I held his face and kissed him tenderly, pulling back to look into his eyes. “I’ve already made my choice, Jared. I’ll make it a thousand times if I have to.”
Jared buried his face into my chest and I held him to me, knowing he was as close to despair as I was. He had promised to fight fate for me, but I could see he was terrified that the fight wasn’t his at all—it was mine.
The next morning I felt marginally better. The fact that Jared’s arms were around me made the world seem right again.
“How did you sleep?” he whispered.
I turned over and pressed my cheek into his chest. “Like a rock. I don’t remember falling asleep. How about you?”
Jared shrugged. “All right, I guess. For me.”
“Did you get more than an hour?”
“No, not really.”
“You didn’t sleep at all, did you?” I grimaced.
“I had a lot to think about,” he justified.
When he noted my expression, he leaned down to kiss the top of my head and hugged me to him. “There are a lot of things for me to think about right now.”
“Like what?”
“How about you get in the shower, and I’ll get us breakfast. Waffles sound good?
“Waffles sound great. Don’t change the subject.”
He chuckled. “I don’t want to start out the morning rehashing the chaos. Let’s just have a normal morning, okay? You have a test in a couple of hours and I’m just about ready for Little Corn. Once we get those out of the way, we can talk the whole thing to death to your heart’s content.”
I ignored his dig. “Little Corn. Mmmmm. Hammocks, sun, beach, ocean…that sounds even better than waffles.”
I left the bed, pulling off his shirt on the way to the bathroom. I tossed the crumpled fabric into the hamper as I passed. Jared’s footsteps stopped abruptly and I smiled as I heard him continue down the stairs with a loud, flustered sigh.
The next days passed quickly. Before I knew it, the tests were over, the papers were turned in, and school had been dismissed for Spring Break. I spent Friday night with Jared, but even in his warm arms I was too excited to sleep. Saturday was spent packing, and I teased Jared with the dozens of bikinis I’d purchased for the trip.
Sunday finally arrived. I could barely contain my enthusiasm when I stepped out onto the tarmac. Cynthia had chartered a jet for our trip, as my father had always done. I had never understood before, but seeing the crates being wheeled in and loaded, I knew that flying commercially wouldn’t be possible. I tried to remember earlier vacations, scanning my mind for similar memories of Jared or Gabe directing traffic and giving orders as I boarded the plane. There was none. My only memories were of the smiling faces of our flight attendants as I was led into the fuselage by the large hand of my father.