I looked down at my feet. “I don’t know, Jared. I need some more time to think.”
The answer should have been simple. I wanted to be there, he wanted me there, and we loved each other. But normal was here. I wasn’t ready to give that up, yet.
Jared smiled half-heartedly. “That’s what I meant.”
I narrowed my eyes, irritated that he had proved his point in that way. “That’s not fair.”
He leaned his forehead against mine. “I’d better go. I’ll see you soon.”
“Sooner than I’ll see you,” I grimaced.
“You could change that if you weren’t so worried about what everyone else thinks,” he said, trying to keep the disappointment from his eyes.
“I told you that isn’t the case. Well, not entirely.”
“I know. I understand,” he said. He kissed my forehead again before he left me to walk to my room alone.
I felt wretched. We’d had a horrible morning, a heated afternoon, and then I’d ruined it with my stupid, selfish, stubborn theories on normal. There were other reasons, but I couldn’t pin point what they were. I just wasn’t ready.
I walked into my empty room and sighed. I had a few hours yet before study group. Both Jared’s and Ryan’s sweat were on me, a scent mixed between Ryan’s salty boy smell and Jared’s salty angel smell. It only confused me more, so I made a bee line for the showers.
Under the steaming water, I couldn’t help but think of Jared’s shower. The water pressure was better, the smell was certainly better, and I didn’t have to wear flip flops to walk around in it. I sighed again, knowing nothing would make me happier than to call Jared and give him the green light to move my things. I couldn’t help but smile at the sound of his voice when I broke the news to him, and how I would feel walking into the loft, knowing I was home.
As I walked down the hallway in my robe, I tried to come up with more pros than cons for staying at Andrews. I focused on what my father would want; at first I reasoned that he would want me to stay, but then my thoughts drifted to the fact that Jack would want me to be where I was the safest. And I was definitely safer in Jared’s arms. Loft…I meant the loft.
I closed the door behind me and pulled off my robe. There was a knock on the door and I automatically tightened my towel around me, anticipating Jared’s smiling face at the other side of the door.
When I pulled on the knob, Ryan stood before me, clean and dressed. He gave me an once-over as I stood in front of him shocked and still dripping.
“Well, hello,” Ryan said, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.
I slammed the door in his face.
I pulled on a pair of jeans and slipped on a random pink t-shirt before hearing a knock on the door once again.
“Nina?” he said in a muffled voice.
“Just a minute!” I called, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks. I opened the door once again, “Sorry,” I breathed. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I see that. Can I come in?”
“I needed to talk to you anyway,” I said, stepping to the side.
“Uh-oh. Hubby’s jealous?” he smiled, strolling past me with his hands in his pockets.
I closed the door behind him and picked up a brush, raking it through my hair. “This isn’t about him, it’s about me. You can’t kiss me like that, especially with Jared right there. Did you honestly think that was okay?”
“No, I just wanted to do it.”
I threw my brush onto my desk and glared at him. “But you can’t just do it. It makes things more difficult.”
“For Jared?”
“For us,” I sighed. “It makes it more difficult for us to be friends.”
“I said I wasn’t going to fight with you about Jared anymore, I never said I wasn’t going to fight for you.”
“What?”
Ryan rolled his eyes and then smiled. “I love you.”
I heard the words, but I was still processing what he’d said before. I shook my head. “What?”
Ryan took a few steps closer to me and cinched his hands around my hips. “You heard me. I’m not stupid; I can see what’s going on with you and Jared. But I also see the way you look at me. And don’t give me that crap about how you care about me because we’re friends, either. It’s something else and you know it.”
I felt my cheeks flush. “I know you’re delusional.”
Ryan shook his head. “No. I’ve waited. I’ve watched. Today I’m sure. For whatever reasons you’re refusing to acknowledge it, but you know it’s there, same as I do. The only reason we’re not together right now is because you met Jared first. That’s not a good enough reason for me to walk away.”