Bringing my hand down along my hip, I pressed the razor against my skin. I’d been cutting more often than usual. It used to be twice a month, if that, but it was up to almost three times a week, maybe more. The need to remind myself what kind of person I was seemed all-empowering. It always had been.
Pushing the corner into my skin, I let out the breath I’d been holding and dragged the blade an inch across my skin. I clenched my jaw as the nerves reacted, sending pain throughout my body like someone pinched me ten times harder than any normal pinch could possible hurt. The endorphins immediately flowed through me as the blood started to run down my leg.
I stared at it in wonderment. It never seemed to feel any different. The same calm always washed over me; a high that could never be replaced. There was no drug that could make me feel that sense of relief. I knew deep down I shouldn’t feel that way, that cutting wasn’t the answer, but it was the only other control I had in my life.
On the outside, I exuded power and strength, but deep down I was still stuck in the past, not able to let go. All the wrongs I’d done weighed on my chest with no escape.
Dropping the bloodied razor into the sink, I made my way to the shower. I stepped in and let the water flow over me, my tainted blood rushing down the drain. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back into the water, running a hand through my hair. I could already feel my arousal. The sense of control I got from a cut always set me off. Pictures of Emma lying chest down on my desk with her ass in the air earlier that day flowed through my mind. It was a beautiful fucking sight, one I was sure would get me off on many occasions.
Grabbing my dick, I stroked myself slowly as I envisioned Emma on her knees in front of me. Her tongue wetting her top lip as she stared on and watched me stroke myself, all too willing to please. But I’d make her watch. I wouldn’t let her touch herself or me. She’d have to endure the agony of her arousal as she watched me get off.
Reaching down, I grabbed onto my balls and squeezed to the point of pain as I pumped myself harder to visions of Emma panting as she stared at my cock, wanting so badly to put it in her mouth.
I groaned as image after image flowed through my mind. Her fingers itching to touch, caress, and please. It was all too much. With a loud groan I came, shooting my release all over the shower wall, pumping my dick and squeezing the head as I went. Picturing releasing myself all over her face and chest and her all too willing to lick her lips and enjoy it.
I rested my head against the shower wall, taking a moment to catch my breath. I had to figure out how I was going to handle our situation because in the end, someone was going to get hurt, and it wasn’t going to be me.
After washing up and bandaging the cut, I dressed and made my way out of the house. I had things that needed to be done. I needed a new girl and there was no way to get around it.
Chapter 21
Emmalynn
I received a text from Brian around ten Tuesday morning after my class and waited for him to arrive in the library. I was ready to get going on the case we needed to look over; anything to get my mind off Mason.
Thoughts of our night together and desk action kept flowing through my mind. I still couldn’t believe I’d done it, and it was all I was able to think about. It was consuming my every thought. I’d even looked for him when I’d arrived on campus, hoping maybe I’d run into him or just see him for a moment. It was a disturbing behavior, one I wasn’t too comfortable possessing. I’d never behaved that way with anyone else before, so I wasn’t sure how to handle it.
Brian arrived at twenty after ten with his laptop in tow. He grabbed the chair next to mine and sat with a smile.
“So, did you finish reading over that case?” he asked, situating his things on the table I’d claimed as mine.
I pulled up the case notes I’d typed the night before and pointed to them. “I got a lot done last night. What about you?”
“Yeah, I have a lot of notes, too.” He pulled out a notebook and flipped open to his pages of notes. “Reading over this case makes me wish I could’ve been the detective on the scene. They have just as much to prove as we do as lawyers, ya know.”
I smiled and nodded as I pulled out my case file and opened it to the back page where Mason had listed some points he wanted proved.
“So, this is what I’m thinking,” I started as I went over all my ideas on the case and what I thought was missing.
We each discussed our notes and I was surprised to see we had the same mentality of thinking. We both thought the wife did it, but we had our differences on the motive. We’d each have to do some digging on the wife and per Mason’s notes, we needed to be creative in retrieving any information, but do it legally. He wouldn’t be subject to anything we did that would get us into trouble.
After two and a half hours of going over information and coming up with a plan on how we could investigate a little further, we decided to break for lunch.