Grabbing the razor, I stared at it. This was my control. Everything about the cutting was about control.
I lowered the razor to my hip and slid it across my skin. I breathed out heavily as the coldness of the blade turned hot against the cut. The relief was immediate, as if I could breathe again. I closed my eyes as the blood run down my leg. I’d never understand it, but it was the one thing I could never stop.
After taking a shower and bandaging my hip, I grabbed my phone off the side table and headed downstairs. I had no classes that day, and I needed to get out of the house. Opening my contacts, I pulled up Luke’s number.
He picked up on the second ring.
“And to what do I owe the pleasure?” Luke answered in a condescending tone.
“Asshole as usual, I see.” I smirked. “I’m going out tonight. You want to round the boys up for a drink?”
He laughed. “Of course I do. Have I ever turned down a night out?” He laughed. “Where do you want to meet?”
I stared out the window in my study, looking at the hazy blue sky as a smile formed on my lips. “Costello’s at ten.”
The plan formed in my mind as I was taking a shower. I knew I’d see her in class, but I didn’t want to wait. I just hoped she was actually working and the night wouldn’t be for nothing.
Chapter 15
Emmalynn
After I got home from Mason’s condo, I cried myself to sleep. As much as I wanted to brush it off, I couldn’t. How do you let something that embarrassing go? I was literally giving myself to him, but I should have known better. Nothing good would have come out of that situation. He was my teacher, for Christ’s sake. How could I think sleeping with him was a good idea?
The next two days went by without incident. I used my off time to go over everything we’d learned in class. Melanie noticed how closed off I was and asked if everything was okay, so I pasted a smile on my face. I didn’t want her thinking I was still upset over everything that had happened with Tim. She was the only one who knew about my run-in with the slut-bitch on Wednesday and I knew she was concerned, but I reassured her I was fine. I just needed to stay focused on school.
After a long day of lying around and reading my law books, Friday night approached before I knew it. I had done a great job of keeping my mind busy and not thinking about what had happened Wednesday night, until Victoria called me. I knew why she was calling. I didn’t want to get into it, but I knew if I ignored her, she’d continue to call until I picked up.
“Hey,” I said as I answered the phone.
“Why have you not called me?” she blasted into the phone.
I pursed my lips as I walked to the couch. “It honestly never crossed my mind. I’ve been so busy with school stuff and reading these damn textbooks.”
“You’re telling me that after your night out with Professor Hottie, you didn’t jump at the chance to tell me how it was,” she scoffed. “You’re killing me. I’ve been dying to know how it went. I have no man, so I’m living through you right now. Spill the beans.”
I bit the inside of my cheek as she spoke. I didn’t know what to say. I really didn’t want to tell her what happened and live out my embarrassment again. “Nothing happened,” I finally said after a few moments. “We had dinner together, but something came up and he had to leave.”
“Ugh, man, that really sucks. Are you guys going to meet up again?”
I shook my head to myself. “No, I doubt it. I’m actually glad things didn’t go as I thought they would. I don’t think it would have been a good idea. I’m already feeling weird about seeing him on Monday now.”
That wasn’t a lie, because I didn’t know how I was going to face him in class. I knew it would take everything I had to focus on the lesson and not his body or how he’d felt pressed against me. Although, all I really had to do was think about how he’d left me there, but I couldn’t get the way he made me feel out of my head.
It was a catch-22.
“Does he know you’ve changed your mind?” Victoria asked.
I sighed. “No, but he will. That is if he brings it up again, which I’m not counting on. Anyway, I have to go get ready for work. Are you guys coming out tonight?”
“Yeah, that was another reason why I was calling you. We were invited to Dean’s place. You remember that nerdy guy with the thick, black glasses Becky had a thing for sophomore year?”
“Yeah.” I laughed.
“Apparently he got offered some swanky job which pays a helluva lot and he’s throwing himself a party.”
“Oh, well, have fun and be safe. I probably won’t get out of work until around two, like usual.”
I was always missing the fun nights out.
“Wish you were going,” she pouted into the phone. “Next weekend we’re having a girls’ night. So, make sure your ass is off. You need it.”