I furrowed my brow in confusion then stood up to walk to the door. Emma’s here. Now. Of all the people who could’ve showed up at my door, I wouldn’t have thought it’d be her.
“You know,” Luke started as he followed me down the hall. “You’re lucky she didn’t see me first. You should have seen the look she gave me when I opened the door.”
I approached the door and stopped to turn to Luke. “I think it’s time you left now,” I told him with a smile as I reached for the knob and opened it.
He laughed and placed a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” he asked, switching back to concerned mode.
I nodded and watched as he walked out the door before my eyes finally drifted to Emma’s. Just seeing her standing there made everything I knew I had to do that much harder.
I smiled and moved aside so she could walk through.
“I really hope you don’t mind that I stopped by. I hadn’t heard from you in a couple of days and figured you might be sick, so I brought you a ‘get well’ basket,” she rambled as she lifted the basket to show me.
I smiled at her gesture and guided her into the sitting room to the right.
“I appreciate the thought,” I told her as I took the basket from her and placed it on the table, then walked slowly toward the couch and sat down. She followed close behind and sat next to me.
I gazed at her and we sat there, not saying a word. She was so fucking beautiful and all I wanted to do was dominate that mouth of hers, but I knew I couldn’t do it. I needed to end things and get it over with, no matter how much I didn’t want to.
Everything changed for me that night at Donicko’s. If the plan I have in play ends up working, I don’t want Emma anywhere near me. Although, I was sure once she knew the truth, she’d leave on her own.
My eyes drifted from hers down to the lip she was nibbling on, and I had to look away.
“Are you sick?” she asked suddenly.
“No,” I answered honestly.
She furrowed her brow for a brief moment then asked another question.
“Is everything okay?” She sounded concerned.
I sighed and leaned forward, trying not to tighten the muscle on my thigh and pull the stitches.
“No,” I answered again.
I didn’t know what else to say. The mask I’d worn was gone. The guilt and lies felt like they were burned into my flesh, on display for everyone to see. I hadn’t been okay in a very long time, and it would be another very long time before I was okay again.
“Can I be honest with you for a minute?”
I turned to look at her again to see her expression had changed.
“I’ve told you, Emma. I always want you to be honest with me.”
She nodded and looked down at her lap, a trait that reminded me so much of Sophia.
“I’m getting a vibe like you don’t want me here.”
I lifted my hands and rubbed at my eyes, biding my time. I didn’t know what to say. I did want her there, but then again, she needed to be as far away from me as possible. My mind was such a jumbled mess that I was giving myself a headache.
Sitting back, I reached a hand out, wrapped it around her neck and pulled her closer to me. She looked surprised at first, but she didn’t pull away. I watched her looking at me, and I could see what she was feeling. All of it. She was unsure of my feelings, but lustful enough not to care.
Bringing her closer, I closed my eyes as our foreheads touched.
“I do want you here, Emma. I just have so much going on right now.”
She pulled back slightly and adjusted herself on the couch so she was sitting closer to me. Then she lifted a hand and rested it on my cheek.
“I told you I didn’t want this. I told you I needed to focus on school. You’re the one who said you wanted to do this. I’m here. You changed my mind. I never experienced what I did last Friday with anyone but you. I don’t want to lose that. That’s a ‘once in a lifetime’ feeling. If you can’t succumb to it, then you need to tell me, Mason. Please, don’t string me along. I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
I could hear her voice breaking as she spoke, and I realized I’d already started hurting her. I truly was no good at this.
“I’ve told you before, Emma. I’ve never done this. But even past that point, I’m not good for you.”
She pushed away, putting space between us as her face scrunched up with anger. “Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?”
I shook my head. “No, because you have no idea what you’d be judging.”
“Then tell me.”
“I can’t.”
She stood from the couch and placed her hands on her hips, and fuck me if she didn’t look sexy as hell pissed off.