“Ask me anything and you shall receive.”
That grabbed her attention instantly. “Anything at all?”
Maybe I jumped the gun on that one. The thought was suddenly making me nervous, but I needed to do something. I needed her to see that I was trying.
I stared into her eyes and stayed true to my statement. “Anything.”
She leaned over to put her untouched scotch on the table then turned her body toward mine.
“You will answer one hundred percent truthfully and you won’t give me the runaround?” she asked with a raised brow.
“Is this your question?” I responded with a smirk.
She playfully slapped me on the arm with a slight laugh. “No, I’m setting the rules.”
“Rules?”
“Yes, you seem to like rules, so I’m going to set them so you can’t back down.”
I perked up at that statement because I could tell she was already picking up things from me. That’s exactly how I handled things. Rules were a big deal to me.
“Ah, yes, but aren’t rules made to be broken?” I teased.
She shook her head. “Not by you.”
I chuckled. “Okay, yes, I’ll answer anything you ask me, and truthfully. Now, what shall it be?”
She glanced away from me and licked her lips, taking a deep breath as if to calm her nerves. Then she looked up and gazed into my eyes.
“Why do you cut yourself?”
I furrowed my brow at the bluntness of her question, but was I honestly expecting her to ask me something simple?
“Okay, wait a minute,” she blurted before I could speak. “I can tell by the look on your face that this is probably something you don’t speak of and it’s completely none of my business. First, I want to say that I respect your privacy; anything we do or say together stays between us. I’m not in this to make a buck. I like you, and I want to get to know you better. So, with that being said, I’m asking because I honestly want to know. If you and I are going to try this out, I want to know if something I did or do is going to trigger you to harm yourself, because that’s the last thing I’d ever want. I spent too much time in my relationship with Tim avoiding things and not speaking up. And please don’t deny it again. I saw it with my own eyes.”
Shame washed through me once more. It was one thing to feel it around Luke, but around Emma? It pissed me off. I shouldn’t be ashamed for something that had been my escape for so long, but I did.
Standing up from the couch, I avoided her gaze and paced the room. I didn’t know how to answer that question or if I even should. I told her to ask me anything, but that was the last thing I thought she’d try to ask me, especially after she tried in the classroom.
I ran a hand through my hair and stopped pacing in front of the window that looked out the side of the house. I’d told myself there were only certain things I’d share. Discussing my past wasn’t going to happen, but I could get by without giving too much. It wasn’t as if she didn’t see the scars. She knows what I’ve been doing. Now she’s curious. It’s why I’d kept my body hidden for so long; I didn’t want to answer questions to some random fucks. They were there to please me, and that was it. But Emma was different. I could break my own rule and give her something, even if it wasn’t really an answer at all.
I could see her reflection in the mirror and watched as she stood from the couch and walked in my direction.
“Just ignore my rudeness, Mason. Honestly, I shouldn’t have even asked. I have no right when we’ve just started to get to know each—”
“No,” I blurted as I turned toward her. “Don’t go back on what you believe just because I can’t get the words to come out.” I ran my fingertips down the side of her face until they reached under her chin, then I tilted her head up so she was looking directly into my eyes. “Never back down, Emma. A good lawyer never would. Always go with your first instinct and never waver. It’s weakness, and you, princess, are anything but weak.”
Dropping my hand from her chin, I grabbed her hand and walked us back to the couch to take a seat.
“I don’t know why I do it. It’s a question that’s been asked before, and it’s not something I can honestly answer because I don’t know myself.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before resting my back on the cushion, avoiding eye contact as I spoke. It was the only way I’d get some of this out. “It’s a distraction from my life. Something I’ve always turned to, to block out…everything. It’s been my way of having control over my life. I know this doesn’t make sense,” I confessed as I turned to look at her, “because it doesn’t necessarily make sense to me.”
“No, I get it. You’re in control of it. You decide when, how, where.”