“Oh, it’s you,” she said.
He recognized the voice—Jodie, who he’d been talking to earlier. He turned. “Hey.”
“You’re missing the party,” she said.
“Not really,” he said wryly.
She tilted her head, then said, “Wow, you’re rude.”
His chin jerked back. “What?”
“You’re at a birthday party. You were hanging out all by yourself in the dining room earlier, now you’re out here. It seems a little rude to your host and hostess to not even hide the fact that you don’t want to be here.”
That obvious, huh? He scrubbed a hand over his mouth. “At least I came,” he muttered.
She gave him a disbelieving look. “You didn’t even want to come to your own friend’s birthday party?” She shook her head. “That’s sad.”
Annoyance rubbed inside him. Who the hell was she to judge him?
“Hey, is that a cigar?” She moved closer.
“Yeah.” He gave his head a shake at the swift change of topic.
“Can I have a puff?”
“Uh…” He looked down at the cigar, bemused, then held it out to her. She took it and, damn, watching her put her lips on it where his had been was inexplicably hot. She leaned on the balcony railing next to him and blew out smoke into the cool night. “Nice.”
“Only the best for Hallsy.”
“So why are you such a grouch? Not enough fiber in your diet? Can’t be PMS.” She puffed again on the cigar, then handed it back to him. “Oh, I know—not enough sex. That’ll do it.”
He choked. “Jesus.”
“Sex does have a positive impact on mood,” she continued. “Although depression can affect your libido. Maybe that’s the problem.” She slanted him a glance. “Have you sought medical attention?”
“Christ, no.” He glared at her.
“Hmm. So just a lack of sex then. But it’s not that easy, I know. I mean, sex is great but it’s not a magic mood booster. Bad sex or sex for the wrong reasons won’t help your mood. On the other hand, mediocre sex could give you an ego boost and improve your mood a lot.”
“Are you offering?”
Jesus fucking Christ. What did he just say? The words had popped out before he could think them through. Heat washed up from his chest into his face.
She laughed, luckily not taking offense. “I doubt you need me to help. You’re a professional athlete. Don’t you have groupies stalking you night and day?”
Yeah, that did happen, but he wasn’t much into the bar scene anymore, and puck bunnies didn’t usually hang out at Home Depot or Menards. He just shook his head.
“Seriously, there are lots of benefits from having sex, including mood boosting. Stronger immune system. A lack of sex can make you more susceptible to erectile dysfunction and prostate cancer.”
“Christ.” He rubbed his mouth. Who was this woman?
“Although I’m more familiar with the effects of sex, or lack of sex, on women,” she continued cheerfully. “Did you know that there are compounds in semen—melatonin, serotonin, oxytocin—that have mood-boosting benefits for women who have unprotected sex?”
“Uh…”
“On the other hand, unprotected sex doesn’t improve your mood if it results in an unwanted pregnancy or an STD.”
He blinked, mouth open, watching her spout off. Unbelievable.
He’d already made an escape from her once on the pretext of needing another drink. He couldn’t use that again. Although, in truth it wasn’t a pretext—he most definitely needed another drink. He set his cigar into a big ashtray. “You must be cold. Let’s go back in and join the party.”
“Great idea!” They walked back into the warmth of the condo. She stopped short. “Oh my God! Is that Jordyn Banks?”
Nick glanced across the room, where his teammate Chase Hartman stood, still wearing his jacket. Must have just arrived. And yes, he was accompanied by Jordyn Banks, who he was apparently dating now. Obviously Jodie knew who Jordyn was—a pretty famous rising pop singer. “Yeah.”
“Holy crap!” She blinked her long eyelashes rapidly behind her glasses, staring at the couple. Then she muttered, “I knew I wasn’t going to fit in at this party.”
He frowned. What the hell did that mean?
“Uh, everyone’s a little starstruck around her,” he said.
She grimaced. “Oh, sure. You’re all freakin’ famous.”
Kendra waved at them from where she stood talking to Chaser and Jordyn, beckoning them over. Jodie stretched her mouth into a smile and started toward them.
Most people would rush over to meet a famous pop star. She seemed…reluctant. Huh.
Nick headed the other direction over to the bar to pour another generous splash of Scotch into his empty glass, then gulped back a mouthful that burned its way down his esophagus. Good thing he’d taken an Uber here.
Kendra was motioning him to come meet Jordyn Banks too. Swallowing a sigh, he crossed the room and let Kendra introduce him. “Nice to meet you,” he said to Jordyn, shaking the pop star’s hand.
“I heard you had to have surgery on your vocal cords,” Jodie said to Jordyn. “That must have been scary.”
“It was. But I seem to be recovering well, so I’m staying positive.”
Nick made an effort to be sociable as Boosh and Brick joined them, and somehow the conversation took a turn into the bizarre.
“You gotta be careful having sex,” Brick said. “I read about this guy who went blind because he came so hard.”
Jodie choked on her wine.
“Bullshit.” Chaser frowned. “I mean, I’ve gone temporarily blind, but you can’t go blind from an orgasm.”
Jordyn lifted a hand to her mouth to cover her smile.
“No, for real. He lost the sight in one eye.”
“I don’t believe it.” Chaser shook his head.
“How much you wanna bet?”
“Shit.” Now Chase started to look doubtful.
“I think it could be true,” Jodie offered. “He probably had a hemorrhage in his eye—popped a blood vessel.”
“Yeah, I think that was it,” Brick said. “I don’t think it was permanent.”
“Okay, never mind the bet,” Chaser said. “You would have ended up washing my jockstraps for the next year.”
Jodie grinned, and Nick blinked. And stared. She had a gorgeous smile. Then he frowned because Brick and Boosh were both staring at her too. Brick moved closer to her, eyes on her face. “Sex injuries—the struggle is real.”
She shot him an amused look. “Speaking from experience?”
“Not me.” Brick grinned. “Well, unless you count carpet burn.”
Jodie laughed, a low musical sound that made the base of Nick’s spine tingle. “I guess that counts,” she said. “Lucky girl.”
Everybody laughed. Except Nick. Brick’s gaze honed in on Jodie even more.
Nick’s lip curled.
“I knew a guy who broke his penis,” Boosh said, wincing.
All the guys made sounds of pain.
“Also, shower sex sounds fun,” Brick said. “But remember last year when Pilker was out for a few games? Well, apparently it was because he slipped in the shower doing the deed and fell on his shoulder.”
“Shut up!” Chaser laughed. “Is that true? Why didn’t we know that?”
Brick shrugged. “Like he’d want us to know that. Remember, he was acting all weird and evasive about how it happened?”
“Non-slip mats give new meaning to the words ‘safe sex,’?” Jodie commented.
Brick grinned approvingly.
“Oh, remember the stories we heard about sex toys getting lost up in there?” Kendra said to Jodie.
“Oh yeah.” Jodie nodded. “It’s pretty common actually.”
The men all gave her mildly horrified looks.
“It’s worse when it’s not actually a toy,” she added. “Sometimes people improvise with, ah, other objects. Phallic-shaped objects. Food.”
“Say no more,” Brick said. He moved closer to Jodie with a flirtatious smile. “So you and Kendra are business partners in your sex toy company, right?”
Oh, that was why she liked to talk about sex so much. Jesus. Nick scowled as Brick and Jodie separated from the group, watching Jodie as she laughed and gave Brick a flirty smile back.