“Fine,” I bit out. She turned around again and I used the opportunity to get my trousers back on fucking quickly. I pulled up the zip, careful not to let it rub because it still felt tender. There had to be a better way to do that.
She looked at the details I’d filled in while I was waiting. “You’ll get your results via text message like you opted for within a week. If you test positive you’ll be invited back so we can discuss the results and plan treatment.”
“Okay. Is that all?”
Laughing quietly, she nodded. “That’s all.”
“Thank you,” I replied and got the hell out of there as soon as I could. Why would anyone volunteer themself for that? Something was very wrong with me. I loved all kinds of sex with Nell and would do just about anything to get her naked but this was insanity.
Nell
I sat opposite Chloe in Bella Italia enjoying my lunch hour and a break from The Ogre and his offspring. We had just ordered and she now had her serious face on. Her amber eyes were distant and dreamlike.
“What gives, Chlo?”
“Me and Logan are going to Scotland to look at this gorgeous castle you can get married in and I wondered if you’d come too?”
What? “Okay, back up. Scotland?”
“Logan’s great grandad was Scottish…apparently.”
“So you want a wedding in Scotland because a member of his family that he’s never met was–”
“No, that’s not the only reason. I want it to be away, somewhere that’s not ten minutes down the road.”
“A castle?”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s not as princess-y as it sounds. The castle is now a hotel and you can get married there.”
“Hey, it’s your wedding, have it where you want. But you really want me to come on your romantic weekend?”
“Well, I thought Damon could come too.”
“Ah, there it is,” I said and thanked the waiter as he gave us our drinks.
She sipped her Pepsi and replied, “There what is?”
“You playing Cupid. Neither of us are interested in a relationship, Chloe.”
She dropped her straw and held her hands up. “I’m not saying you are. I thought it’d be nice to get away for the weekend. I need your help because if I leave it to Logan…” She raised her eyebrows. “Yeah. Come on, it’ll be great, they have a spa so we can chill and Logan and Damon can prop themselves up at the bar.”
She didn’t really need to sell it to me; if she needed help I’d be there. Plus I was all over a dirty weekend with Damon.
“So…?”
I nodded. “I’m in, and I’ll ask Damon later.”
“You seeing him tonight?”
“I’ll talk to him tonight, seeing him tomorrow…”
“I’m not judging you, Nell. As long as you’re happy I’m happy.”
Seeing straight through her fake smile, I asked, “You don’t think I’m happy?”
“I can see you are. I just worry that it won’t last, not with the way things are.”
“It’s been six years and I’ve not wanted to marry the guy yet, I think I’ll be fine.”
“But what about Damon?”
I shrugged. “What about him?”
“What if he wants more?”
No. Simple. We worked and our situation worked because we were open about everything. If he wanted more I’d know. And I’d run like the motherfucking wind.
“He doesn’t. We’re both completely honest with each other and if at any point things change, we’ll deal with it.”
“And by that you mean if he wants more you’ll end it?”
I gulped. That was not something I wanted to happen – at all – but we couldn’t continue if we wanted different things. “Yeah, I would.”
She tilted her head. “Nell…”
“I don’t want a relationship. Maybe that makes me a freak or whatever but I don’t.”
“It doesn’t make you a freak. Just be careful, casual rarely stays casual forever. Be happy.”
I nodded. “Happy is the plan.”
Happy was always the plan and there were moments when I did feel happy but it always seemed on a surface-only level. I had fun with Chloe and a lot of fun with Damon but at the end of the day I was still alone. People were more than capable of being happy alone though, so why did I feel like something was missing? It was my choice to stay relationship-free so I should be satisfied with that.
Life was a never-ending shit sandwich.
“Good. So, you’re at your mum’s tonight?”
“Yep.” I went to my mum’s for dinner most weeks. When she wasn’t with my dad things were better between us and I was happy to go over there. I was making the most of her single stints between the drama. “You doing your fiancé tonight?”
Rolling her eyes, she smiled and then replied, “Absolutely.”
Chloe and I finished lunch and I retuned to work to muddle through the rest of the day, all while wanting to tell my boss what I thought of him and leave. I could really have done with a night in drinking wine and watching mind-numbing TV, but I had to get through dinner with my mum first.
I stopped off at home briefly to change out of my work clothes and into jeans and a knitted jumper before heading back out.