Begin? Was I not here just to give a urine sample?
“I need to start by asking you a few questions, if that’s okay?”
“Absolutely. Fire away,” I replied, sitting down, kicking my feet out and crossing my legs at the ankle.
“When did you become sexually active?”
“Wow, you’re straight to it.” She cracked a smile and shrugged. “I was fourteen.”
“And how many sexual partners have you had?”
I winced. “Ballpark?”
She looked up through her lashes and cocked her eyebrow. “That will do if you’re unsure.”
Shifting awkwardly in my seat, I replied, “Forty to fifty.”
Her sharp looks and manner made me feel like I was under siege but I could well be dreaming it because I felt like an arsehole.
“Alright, and when was the last time you had unprotected sex?”
Nell. About a month ago in the front seat of my car, we were coming back from a night out and she got rather horny and carried away. The memory of having her bareback on top of me in a confined space got me hot under the collar.
“Err, that was about four or five weeks ago,” I replied, trying to keep my cool. Nell had better take me in the car like that again after doing this for her.
“And do you think you could have an infection? Are there any changes you’ve noticed or anything you’re concerned about?”
“No, but I was in Kavos last week and thought it’s probably time to get checked out.”
“Did you have unprotected or oral sex while you were there?”
“Not unprotected sex.”
She smiled and nodded her head. “Okay, I’ll need a urine sample to test for chlamydia and gonorrhoea, and a blood sample to test for HIV and syphilis. Since you have no symptoms or changes in your genitals, we don’t need to test for herpes.”
I rubbed my hand over my face. Shit. When someone utters the word HIV things become very real. I was nervous and worried even though I knew I’d been careful. “Can’t we do the other one, too? I’d like to test for everything,” I said, seriously stretching the definition of the word like.
“As you wish,” she replied. “Can you please roll up your sleeve so I can take the blood sample?”
I shoved my sleeve up past my elbow and rested it on the arm of the chair. She removed a needle from a packet and popped a tube in the end. The needle pinched as it pierced my skin and I watched my blood trickle into the tube but it was over in seconds.
“Alright,” she said, placing a cotton ball where the needle entered as she slowly extracted it from my vein. “Keep pressure on that for a minute and it should be fine. Unless you’d like a plaster?”
Was she serious? “I’m fine, thank you.”
“Okay. I’ll give you a minute to undress from the waist down and lay back on the bed.”
My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Sorry, what?”
“I need to take a swab of your urethra for the herpes test.”
I instantly jerked forwards and pressed my legs together. “You what? I thought this was all done by urine and blood now?”
“Most are but…”
“Oh God, I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I muttered.
“If you’d prefer not to that’s fine. I honestly don’t believe you need this test. We don’t usually do it unless a patient has experienced sores on their genitals or anus.”
This day just keeps getting better and better.
“Perfect,” I said dryly. “It’s fine, I’ll be happier knowing I’m clear of everything.”
“Okay,” she replied and turned around. “I’ll give you a minute, let me know when you’re ready.”
I would never, ever be prepared or ready for what she was about to do.
Nell had better give me the mother of all blowjobs after this. I put the cotton ball dotted with a speck of my blood down on the chair and dropped my trousers. Hopping on the table, I laid my head back on my arms.
“I’m ready,” I said, taking a deep breath.
She was back, eager to do this and hurt I’m sure. “Alright, this won’t take long and I’ll be as gentle as I can.”
Too fucking right she would.
Usually a pretty woman in a nurse-like getup touching my dick would get me hot and hard but knowing what was coming had it trying to shove its way inside my body. I felt something on the tip and braced myself. She pushed it inside and my eyes widened. I grabbed hold of the sides of the bed and clawed the faux leather material.
“Fuck. Fucking hell, fuck. Get it out!”
“Almost done.” I was positive I saw her crack a smile. She pulled the swab out and I cowered, covering my area and closing my eyes.
That did not feel good.
“There. Are you alright?”
Do I look alright?