Nodding, she walked off to my bedroom, leaving me calculating the probability of this being a robot or alien version of Nell. Something had changed for her to come here tonight. I was worried about what that was. She could be in trouble but I had no idea what she could have possibly done.
Flicking off the lights, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and headed in to find Nell. I thought my heart was going to rip right through my chest when I saw her curled up in my bed. She had the cover right up to her chin and her face tucked against the edge of my pillow.
What’s happened to her?
Her vulnerability was difficult to witness.
“Hey you,” I said, slipping my jeans off.
Smiling up at me she replied, “Hey back.”
“Been a long day?”
Snorting, she raised her eyebrows. “Long life.” I sat on the bed and she shook her head. “Sorry, I’m being really depressing, aren’t I?”
“You don’t have to be happy and carefree all the time, Nell.”
Her silence told me she thought she did. Whatever she was hiding she’d been doing it for a long time. She’d mastered the art of pretending everything was fine. I wanted to know it all but the lengths she went to, to protect her secret scared me. I clenched my jaw as worst-case scenarios plagued my mind. What if she was hurt, abused?
“Hey,” I said, laying down and stiffly pulling her into my arms. I needed to snap out of it and focus on taking care of her.
She made a quiet gasping sound, like she was choked up, and burrowed into my side. I closed my eyes. That was better. Having her body tucked against mine felt like the most natural thing in the world. “It’s okay if you’re not okay. It’s normal.”
“Maybe I’m not normal.”
Smiling against her forehead, I replied, “Yes, you’re definitely not normal, but you know what I’m getting at here. Everyone has bad days and you don’t have to hide them from the people that care for you.”
The person that’s fallen so fucking much in love with you it kills.
“I just don’t like to be one of those miseries that brings everyone down.”
“You wouldn’t do that by showing when you’re struggling.”
“I’m not struggling,” she replied instantly, defensive.
“Perhaps that was the wrong word but you know what I mean, Nell. If you’re pissed off and down, be pissed off and down. It’s fine.”
Sighing, she kissed my bare chest and said, “Thanks, Damon.”
“Sleep now, okay, and if you want to talk in the morning I’m here.”
She wouldn’t want to talk in the morning of course, but at least she knew the option was there and I didn’t care if she wasn’t bouncing-off-the-walls happy.
It was half past six in the evening and we were in bed. No amount of hunger was going to tear me away from her tonight, not for a second. This was exactly where I needed to be.
Nell slept in long after I got up at 6am. She flat out refused to get up before seven. It was now ten minutes to, but apparently that ‘holy’ ten minutes was going to be spent with her face pressed in my pillow on my side of the bed.
We both had work today and I enjoyed the normality of getting ready together a bit too much. Or I would when she actually got up.
“Nell,” I said.
She rolled over leaving a mass of shiny black hair fanned out on the pillow behind her. Her lips pouted and she groaned. “I don’t want to leave this bed, I’m still exhausted.”
“I managed it.”
“Well, congratulations to you.”
I laughed and slipped my shirt on, buttoning it up. “Will you get up for coffee?”
“I’ll do anything for coffee.”
My hand froze on my button. “Why didn’t you say that sooner? I’ll get these trousers off.”
She bolted upright and put her palm up. “Oh no you don’t, you sex pest. I’m still tired so there is no way your ultra-randy self is coming anywhere near me until tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?”
With a nod of the head she replied, “Tomorrow. Come over. Oh and be nice.”
“I’m always nice.”
“Fine, be gentle then.”
“That’s probably the only time I’ve ever heard you ask for it to be gentle.”
She frowned and her nose scrunched up at the tip. “And don’t you think I’m mad at you for making me want that?”
I laughed and went back to getting dressed, picking out a slim, red tie. “Don’t be mad. I happen to be very good at gentle too.”
“Well, I look forward to tonight then.”
“Tonight? You said tomorrow.”
“You look good in a suit and it’s making me hot. Tonight.”
“I won’t argue with that. We have time now…”
She held her hand up. “Definitely not. I need a shower and time to get ready. I don’t want to be sore and late.”
“You are no fun in the mornings.”
“Fuck off, Damon,” she muttered, making her way to the bathroom.
I laughed, enjoying having her here to get ready with me, despite her not being a morning person. She walked a little gingerly into my en-suite, still raw from opening herself up and asking for help last night.
“What do you want for breakfast?” I called, finishing fixing my tie.
“Anything, I don’t mind.”
God, I hated it when women said that. Why couldn’t she just tell me what she wanted?
“Bagel?”