“It doesn’t even matter. He can date whoever he wants.”
“He’d probably like to date you,” Ella said carefully, giving me the side-eye from behind the steering wheel.
I decided not to respond. I could have agreed with her, or told her it couldn’t be true. Either reality was too harsh to think about. So I tried not to. Instead, we spent the next thirty minutes in silence as we made our way to Portland.
I took a few quick steps to get to the door of Poppy before Ella, holding it open so she could push her stroller through with ease. She gave me a thankful smile as she passed, and then I saw her eyes go into boss mode. She looked around the sales floor and I could only imagine what was running through her mind. She was probably examining inventory levels, employee productivity, all kinds of things she’d learned to manage as the owner of a small business and assess with just a sweep of her eyes.
“Hey, Fella,” Megan called before we were halfway through the store. “Kalli!” she nearly squealed when her eyes found me. “I’m so excited to see you.” She came toward us, giving us each a hug. Then she bent down in front of the stroller and used her baby voice on Mattie. “Hello, sweet girl. How’s my favorite niece?”
Mattie gurgled her response.
“Are you ready to go?” Ella asked, taking another sweep of her eyes through the store.
“Yeah, Brittany’s here, so I’m good.”
Almost as if she’d heard her name, Brittany came out of the back room and saw us.
“Hey guys. How’s it going?”
“Just headed out for a girls’ day,” Ella said, smiling warmly at Brittany.
“Sounds fun.”
“Could you take a minute to finalize the schedule so it can be posted by tomorrow?” Megan asked Brittany. “I’ve already looked it over, but if you can do it too, I’ll feel more comfortable.”
“Of course. Want me to post it before I leave?”
“That would be awesome. I probably won’t be back today. After girls’ day, Patrick is taking me out to dinner. It’s our six-month wedding anniversary.”
“Awww…” Brittany sighed.
“You guys are too cute,” Ella said with a little bit of disgust in her voice.
“Oh, my God,” I cried. “You have no room to talk, Ella. You and Porter are, like, sickening to be around. Let your sister celebrate her anniversary.”
All four of us laughed.
“Okay, okay. Let’s go,” Ella said, shaking her head.
We spent the afternoon shopping downtown, taking frequent and needed breaks to tend to Mattie. She was a wonderful shopping partner, being a happy baby, but she needed attention more often than us. We’d found a cute coffee shop to stop at while Ella fed Mattie, and I enjoyed a few minutes of just chatting with my best friends.
“So, what are you working on right now, Kalli?” Megan asked.
“There’s a small theatre company in Portland who lost their costume designer over the summer. She’s on maternity leave. So I’m outfitting their fall production.”
“That sounds fun.”
“It’s so fun,” I said with enthusiasm. “Their budget is pretty good and I’ve been able to hand-make some of the pieces. Makes me feel like I’m back in the lab in college, designing pieces and then making them real. It’s refreshing.”
“Seems almost therapeutic,” Ella added. “Like you could get a lot of thinking done at a sewing machine.”
“Yeah. That’s true,” I said, taking a sip of my cold coffee drink. “My mind’s pretty much running a million miles an hour anyway. But you’re right, having to sit in a quiet room for hours on end does let me get a lot of thinking done.”
“What’s your mind been telling you?” Megan asked.
I sighed. If anyone deserved a glimpse into my mind, it was Ella and Megan. They’d been supporting me emotionally for months, even if that meant stepping away and letting me deal quietly. I knew they wanted in, wanted me to talk to them, and I figured I owed it to them.
“My mind tells me different things every day. One day I feel like I’ve finally gotten over the hardest part of all this, but then the next day I wake up crying and missing Marcus so much, it feels like he just passed yesterday.” I shook my head. Grief was a nasty thing. “But lately, I’ve been feeling pretty solid.”
“She even looked up Riot on the Internet today,” Ella supplied, then looked at me with wide eyes, expecting me to be upset she’d mentioned it. I wasn’t. This was girl talk. I was a little sad my friends thought they had to walk on eggshells around me. I made a mental note to try to be more open with them.
“Images even,” I added, giving Ella a smile.
“Oh, lord,” Megan said.