“They saved the baby?”Samantha asked through her tears.
He nodded. “Elizabeth’s here now.”
Michael limped around on one sandal while holding the other torn one in his hand. He attempted several times to place the broken sandal back on his foot but it kept slipping off when he tried to take a step.
“Great,”he muttered under his breath.
He took the other sandal off as the rain continued to pound down. His feet felt relief as he waded through the puddles. The raindrops massaged his bruised shoulders while cooling off his head and neck. He looked skyward and opened his mouth, letting the water collect there. He swallowed gratefully.
“Thank you.”
He stopped near a large puddle, then stepped into it as if he were getting into a bathtub. He rinsed the mud off his feet and legs, thinking how he needed to get out of this rain and see Elizabeth.
Michael started back toward Leah’s house, looking for familiar landmarks. The sky was still dark gray, making it difficult for him to determine the time.
When the rain let up, he began to shiver. He looked to his left—the aqueduct! His heart raced. Michael started to run hard, not caring that his feet were bare.
Soon Leah’s house appeared in the distance. He could make out two figures standing near the front gate.
“Dad!”Elizabeth sprinted to meet him. She threw her arms around him and held on tightly. “Oh, Dad, did they . . . ?”
“They did . . . they did . . . and I helped . . . I carried the cross they nailed him to.”
Michael tried to push Elizabeth away but she clung to him. “Daddy, no,”she murmured. “You helped him. . . you helped him.”
“Come with me,”said the nurse at the desk. She led him down the corridor to a bank of elevators, then pressed 8 when they got inside. The elevator shook as it made its ascent.
“This way,”she said when the doors opened. They made a left turn and went down another series of hallways that led to a security door that read no admittance without proper identification. The nurse entered a code on the accompanying keypad, and the doors opened automatically.
Balloon paintings covered the walls as she led him toward the nursing station. A man and woman stood with their arms around each other, cooing and tapping on the glass. Michael stopped near them.
“Not here,”the nurse said, motioning him to continue walking.
She led him down a dimly lit hallway past a door that bore the simple inscription CHAPEL. As he approached this other nursing station, Michael noticed the bare walls and the hushed tone of the staff.
“Wait here, please,”the nurse said kindly. She picked up a phone on the wall. “Mr. Stewart is ready to see his daughter. . . . Okay, okay. We’ll go over there.”
She led him past the nursing station and around a corner to a small window. Michael peered through it into a large room with only four incubators. He noticed all the equipment inside: machines, tubes, monitors. A nurse came up to him on the other side of the glass and pointed at a baby lying in an incubator.
Oh, Vicki. Oh, Vicki.
She looked so small to him. She was only wearing a diaper and had an IV connected to her left heel. Where her belly button would be was now clamped off by a yellow tag. On her right ankle was a plastic band that read STEWART, BABY GIRL—STEWART, VICTORIA (D).
Michael stared at the band. Vicki’s middle name didn’t start with a D.
He paused and looked at Elizabeth moving her arms and stretching her legs.
“Vicki’s middle name doesn’t start with D,”he said, turning to the nurse next to him. “It’s Evelyn.”
When the nurse only looked at Michael, he knew immediately what it meant.
“Oh my God. D for ‘deceased’?”
The nurse stood silent.
“Answer me, please.”
Michael began fervently tapping on the window, trying to get the attention of the nurse inside the room. “Take that off,”he said, pointing to the ankle band.
“Take it off now !”
The nurse inside couldn’t hear him. He slammed his hands against the glass again.
“Mr. Stewart, please,”the nurse next to him said. “Stop. Please.”
“No!”Michael looked down the hall for the door to the nursery. He didn’t see any entrance.
Turning back to the window he tried again to get the nurse inside to understand him. “Take it off!”he said, pointing angrily at the ankle band.
“Mr. Stewart, please stop,”the nurse said, touching his shoulder. “Please. I’ll have to call security. Please, sir, I don’t want to have to do that to you.”
Michael looked at his hands pounding against the glass. Suddenly exhausted and embarrassed, he covered his face and slid to the ground.
The nurse looked at him for a few moments before reaching down to lift his arm. “Mr. Stewart,”she said gently, “it’s time to get up.”
Michael found his feet again but couldn’t feel his legs. He stood up and smiled at the nurse oddly. Then, turning back to the window, he looked again at Elizabeth.
She’s so small.
“Oh, Elizabeth, I’m so sorry,”he said under his breath, pressing his face dejectedly against the window. “I’m so sorry. I’m not sure I can take care of you now. I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I don’t know how.”
Michael began banging his head gently against the glass but saw Elizabeth start to cry. He turned to the nurse.
“Is she okay?”
“She was born a few days too soon but she’ll be fine.”The nurse touched Michael gently on his right arm. “I’ll be back in a couple of minutes to take you inside. If you need me, I’m at the nurses’ station. Would you like to see a priest?”
“No.”
Michael watched the nurse walk away. He turned back to look into the NICU window. Michael could see a sticker on the baby’s tiny chest, monitoring her heartbeat. Her eyes were bright blue and her cheeks were puffy and red. She continued to cry.
“Oh, Elizabeth, please stop,”he said, starting to cry, too. “Please, I’ll be strong for you. I promise you I won’t ever leave you. You’ll be the only person in my life now. The only person. No one will ever get between us. I promise . . . I promise.”
“If you don’t want me to go, I won’t.”
He lay there, surprised at his own words and thinking about the consequences of his statement. He remembered falling into a deep sleep, but now, in the early-morning hours, he was surprised to find her next to him.
“Well, maybe you can come back with us, Leah,”he whispered, not wanting to wake her. He held her hand more tightly, pulling it up slightly so he could kiss it. It was intoxicating lying there, so close that he could feel her every breath. His heart beat rapidly.
“I don’t want to be alone anymore, Leah. It’s been too long. Elizabeth has grown up so quickly. She’s become such a beautiful person. Each day that comes is one less day she needs me, or, in some cases—wants to be around me.”
He laughed quietly, unaware that Elizabeth had woken and was standing at the foot of the ladder to the roof.
“For the longest time I didn’t know how to love again, Leah. You taught me that love is worth having. I just didn’t think I would find it here—in Jerusalem—in this time.”
He shook his head in disbelief. He couldn’t believe he’d just uttered those words.