“I’ll kill him before he gets the chance. I got Felix and Machete looking for him now.” I swallow, thankful I have Felix and Machete in my life. “In the bath, let’s go.” He pats at my bottom. Turning, he climbs in first, and I settle in between his legs. Sitting back against his warm chest, he slides my hair over to one shoulder, and dries my tears.
“So, it’s true. You’re pregnant?” he whispers in my ear. Closing my eyes, my stomach clenches tightly when remembering the episode with Frank and Cross and the test. It could be traumatizing if I let the memory overwhelm me, but I won’t. I’m stronger than that, and can overcome anything with Zeek—and my gun—by my side.
“Yes. I mean, they made me piss on the test, and it was positive.” My toes play with the water coming out of the faucet. “The lines were faint, so I don’t think I’m far along.”
Silence fills the bathroom, the only noise surrounding us is the water splashing into the tub.
I take in a deep breath, scared of what he’s going to say. People break up over things like this. I don’t know if I can just walk away from Zeek after everything we’ve been through.
His fingers running along the top of my shoulder. “Have you had any symptoms or anything?”
I shrug, pulling my knees up and hugging them. “Now that I think about it I have been kind of nauseous, my boobs hurt, a lot actually.”
That awkward silence thing happening again.
“Do you want to keep it?”
Wow, the question of the hour. Do I want to keep the baby? If I do, I’ll be put on desk duty, if I even get my job back, that is. Not to mention the father is a criminal, putting us both in danger. I guess that’s not fair, my job is equally as dangerous. But what if Cross comes for the baby?
“You’re not sure?” he answers for me.
“I don’t know. There are so many pros and cons, I just…”
“What is bothering you?”
“Us, look at us. We are not the safest, or the most normal couple to raise a child. The baby was used against us and it’s not even here yet. I’m scared, I could be a terrible parent. I can see it now, I’ll be preaching about school rules, and how to handle bullies the right way. Plus, my job. If I even get it back, I’ll be put on desk duty for a while. I hate desk duty. And Cross…he’s missing, what if he comes for the baby?” I ramble. Diving into everything that has crossed my mind since I found out I was pregnant.
Zeek grabs at my shoulders, pulling me back into his strong hold.
“That won’t happen.” He sounds so sure.
“You weren’t there, you didn’t see the look in Cross’s eyes. He wants this baby.”
“Cross is running, if he comes back it’ll be for me, baby. Not our kid.”
“How do you know?”
“Cross was just trying to get in your head, that’s what he does. He was toying with you, like cat and mouse. You are the least of his problems.” He kisses my forehead.
“You think keeping the baby is a good idea?” My chest blooms with uncertainty, the stress making me dizzy.
“I think everything you named off is crap every parent worries about. I’m scared, too, but just think about it. Take your time trying to put everything back in order, babe.” He kisses my temple, and stands, grabbing a towel.
“Don’t be so noncommittal, tell me, do you want to keep it?” Gesturing for me to stand he wraps me in a towel, turning me to face him.
“I want whatever will make you happy. I’ve never thought I’d have kids, but if I’m going to have them, I’d want to have them with you. I also think we’d be the perfect parents. Where you’re strict and rule abiding, I’m loose and fun. I think we’d balance each other out nicely.”
His words roll through my head like a stray wheel bouncing down the freeway.
“Do you think what Frank said is true, about Cross being your dad?” The words spill from my mouth before I can stop them.
He tenses, and I cringe at my stupid question. The idea of Cross being the grandfather though, that his blood is running through me, has been on my mind since Frank revealed the dirty secret.
“I do.” His words are soft, and almost pained. Why did I ask such a stupid question?
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“It’s okay, baby, don’t be sorry. My mother hated my father, it doesn’t surprise me she cheated. The way she looked at me as if I was the Devil, it was because she knew the Devil was in my soul. My father might have been the gatekeeper of Hell, but Cross fucking ran that shit. And I…I’m the prodigy of a very fucked up situation.”
“Don’t say that. It isn’t true…you’re too hard on yourself. I wish you could see what I see.” Hearing my own words I know for a fact that Zeek will be a great dad, and nothing like Cross or the man he thought was his dad. Zeek has compassion, even if he doesn’t want to see it. I see it.