I didn’t know Paw would take me to a trap house, but I wasn’t about to refuse it either. We need somewhere to lay low for a while, and this will be perfect. I know it’s against everything Jillian stands for, I know she’s been pushed so far past that line of blue she lives by it’s not even in sight anymore.
This shit with her dad though, I gotta squash it. I know I’m not supposed to reveal shit to her. It’s the club rules not to share details about what goes down in the club to ol’ ladies. But Jillian isn’t just my ol’ lady, she’s a fucking cop. A double-edged sword in the way of the rules. However, she’s had a front row seat to what goes on in my world, I think I owe it to her to know just who the fuck Lieutenant Oaks really was. Not telling her is weighing on me, and pissing me off with every accusatory glance her beautiful eyes swing my way. She’s breaking.
I can’t stand to have her look at me like she hates me one second longer. It makes me want to grab the nearest person and rip their fucking throat out. My hands flex at the thought of violence. I’m getting antsy doing all this damn running. I don’t run from shit, I face it with vengeance.
Doing this back and forth crap with Jillian is getting old too. I’m not the boyfriend type yet here I am trying to make up for the piece of shit I am.
Love is exhausting. Who actually wakes up wanting to find love? It’s painful as fuck. I’ve had bullet wounds hurt less than this shit.
Grabbing the bag Paw brought I pull out a bottle of Jack Daniels, a burner phone, and two bags of chips.
Keeping hold of the whiskey, I toss the other shit on the counter.
On second thought, I know why people find love. It’s those moments that make you feel like you’re going crazy. Like when Jillian wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me. I can’t help but take in the smell of her, and think if anyone came between us I’d fucking slit their throat and fuck Jillian in their blood for trying to take that moment away from me.
A hug used to seem like a simple gesture but it’s not. The feel of her beating heart against mine, the meaning of her arms pulling me in close, it all means something. It breaks barriers, it broke mine. It made me fade from numb to something more human.
I take a giant sip of the booze.
I hate love. It’s painful. It reminds me of cancer. Starting from somewhere small inside, and spreading throughout your entire being until you feel like you might actually die.
Fuck love.
Setting the Jack on the counter, I set up the burner phone and call Felix.
“Hello?”
“It’s me.”
“Dude. What the fuck?” He’s worried. Like a parent who turned around for one minute only to find their child missing the next.
“Sorry, been running. It ain’t easy doing it with someone who doesn’t want to run.” I growl, taking a sip of the Jack.
“Oh, yeah, how’s that going?”
“She fucking hates me, as to be expected.”
“Wouldn’t you?” he rebuttals.
“How is shit there?” I ask, ignoring his question. I don’t blame Jillian for hating me, but I ain’t about to say that to him. I remember the hell I went through when I found out when my club was ratting. I broke, questioning everyone, including myself.
“Uncle Frank took over the club, man. I mean, me, Machete, Mac, and Gats are still your boys. We’re just waiting for your call to find out where the hell to go. Machete nearly got himself killed when Frank took over. Frank basically made us the bitches. We’re fucking doing Prospect shit. You gotta come back.”
“You told me to run, you told me to take Jillian and run. If I hadn’t ran, you know he would have her killed and me.”
“Right to get her to safety, because I know she has you wrapped around her fucking finger. But I didn’t know you wouldn’t come back. You gotta get back here and take back what is yours, Zeek, this club is all I have.”
I rub at my temples. “It’s all I have, too. Trust me, I know I should be there taking my club back.”
“Man, to be honest, we need more men. There is no way just us can take Frank, he has all the power, especially with the Mob behind him. That is why Machete went nuts, it’s out of our control, and we just have to sit back and let it happen.”
“Oh, trust me, I’m getting it back.” I know that for sure. I have a plan, it’s just going to take time. Nothing great and worth a damn happens overnight.
“How do you plan to do that?” His voice is doubtful.
“I’m going to the Devil’s Dust, to Lip. Maybe I can get him to help me take back the club.”
“HA! That won’t backfire.”
“Yeah, well I’m hoping he sees that we’re family, or maybe we can do a trade in services, at the very least.” I sigh heavily. “I don’t have much of a choice. I don’t trust anyone else not to turn against me, and side with Frank.”
“It would be great if you can pull it off.”
“I gotta get Jillian situated first.” Crazy how she comes first before anything else, even with the possibility she’ll never forgive me.