‘Skewed how?’
Tosan scoffed as if the answer were obvious. ‘Brother Sodar – like Master Flint before him – thinks he can serve the people of Chaenbalu as their spiritual mentor, that by listening to them recount their sins – their sorrows – he can counsel them to lead better lives. But tell me. Should the people of Chaenbalu be more frightened by the evil in themselves, or the evil that lurks outside the village?’
Annev’s mind flashed to the Rod of Healing from Dorstal’s classroom. He recalled his desire to drain the man’s lifeblood. To splatter Fyn’s brains across the walls.
‘I think people should fear their own destruction … in whatever form it chooses.’
Tosan smiled. ‘A clever answer – and I admit there is some advantage to knowing what lurks in the hearts of our villagers. But this dual-minded approach is not helping you become an avatar.’
‘You feel my duties at the chapel have distracted me?’
‘No, I think Sodar is distracting you.’
‘But he’s been nothing but encouraging,’ Annev said again.
‘Yes,’ Tosan agreed, ‘but the behaviours he encourages are not conducive to your success.’ When it was clear Annev did not see the correlation, Tosan slowed his pace, stopped, and turned to face Annev.
‘You helped one of your classmates pass a test this afternoon. The boy was paralysed, so you slipped him two of your own medallions and hid him so no one else could take them.’ Tosan tilted his head, scrutinising Annev’s face. ‘Is that right?’
Annev was almost alarmed by how much Tosan knew.
‘Yes, Elder Tosan.’
‘Did your friend deserve to pass that test? Are his skills so superior to your classmates’ that he should be exempt from the challenge?’
Annev hung his head. ‘No.’
‘And my daughter?’
Annev looked up, his stomach churning at the possibility that Tosan had seen him search Myjun in the shadows of the nave. He met Tosan’s eyes, searching for an answer.
‘Myjun deserved to pass that test,’ he said at last. ‘She’s very competent.’
Tosan studied him for a long moment. ‘So why did you aid your highly competent adversary?’
Annev didn’t think it appropriate to say he had helped the headmaster’s daughter because he loved her. Though, as Annev thought back, he realised that really wasn’t why he had helped her; the truth was, when he had left the badges, he hadn’t known it was Myjun under that mask. He’d possessed no ulterior motives; he was just trying to be kind.
‘I guess … I didn’t want to be the cause of another student’s failure,’ Annev said, realising that was the truth. Tosan raised an eyebrow, doubtful. ‘I’d already passed the test,’ Annev continued, ‘so I didn’t think it was fair for another student to—’
‘Fair?’
‘Hmm?’
‘You didn’t think it was fair,’ Tosan repeated. Annev nodded and the headmaster huffed. ‘Then you’re a fool twice over.’ Before Annev could respond, the ancient continued down the hall. Annev had to jog to catch him.
‘Wait,’ Annev said. ‘Why a fool?’
Tosan snorted, not slowing his pace. ‘You aided Myjun because you care for her, just as you aided that other boy because he’s your friend. If you claim it was some skewed sense of morality then you’re either a liar – and a fool for thinking I’d believe you – or Sodar has poisoned you more than I thought.’ He whirled, stopping in place once again, and Annev had to throw himself against the wall to avoid running into him.
‘So which is it?’ Tosan said, glaring at him. ‘Are you a lying fool … or are you stupid?’
Rhetorical or not, Annev didn’t have an answer for that – he didn’t see how kindness could be stupid, and he wouldn’t apologise for it. He was about to say as much, when Tosan spoke again.
‘You insulted her, you know.’
Annev froze, his certainty at having done the right thing suddenly shattering. He recalled Myjun’s words to him in front of the Academy: she said she’d been happy when Annev had let her keep her badges – that it had been her plan all along – but what if she was just trying to spare his feelings, or her own? What if Tosan was right, and he had actually offended Myjun by attempting to aid her? The idea turned him cold.
‘I made her look weak. Like Titus.’
Tosan nodded, his face a mask. ‘Now tell me again that Sodar is not holding you back. That his principles have not kept you from earning your avatar title.’
Annev studied the weave of the grey-blue runner beneath their feet. He thought back on all the Tests of Judgement he had competed in, especially those times he had come close but still lost. He remembered when the students had first fought each other in an infamous scrum. Annev had tried to help Therin fight Fyn, only he had surprised the scrawny boy with his aid and they had become entangled. He’d helped Titus up an icy platform as Kellor bowled into them and knocked them both over the edge. Then there’d been the time the testing arena and its underground tunnels were filled with water and the acolytes were tasked with swimming through the tunnels to earn their title. Annev had done well where most hadn’t, yet instead of carrying on to claim the title, he had backtracked – twice – to tell others where to find air pockets. He’d lost precious minutes in doing so, and the second time Kenton had used the opportunity to swim ahead and win his own title.
‘I’ve been too busy helping people,’ Annev said slowly. ‘Like Titus and Therin.’
‘And Kenton,’ Tosan added. Annev looked up in surprise and the headmaster nodded. ‘I’ve seen little pacts like yours before. Tell me, though. Has aiding your friends ever helped you? Kenton used you to earn his title. Therin betrayed you today in the nave, and Titus does not even want to become an avatar.’ He paused, seeing his words had struck home. ‘But kindness towards your classmates is just one facet to the core problem.’
‘Sodar,’ Annev said, seeing where the ancient was leading.
‘Sodar. The priest’s influence cannot be understated. Like him, you have a history of challenging the traditions of the Academy – of resisting your teachers and the principles we are trying to instil in you. Just this morning you questioned if magic is inherently evil, yes?’
Annev nodded, still disturbed by how much Tosan knew about his daily life.
‘You say you want to be an avatar,’ Tosan continued, ‘and you possess the requisite skills to become one, but you fight against the nature of what it means to be an avatar.’ He laid a hand on Annev’s shoulder, making eye contact. ‘I used to wonder why you sabotaged yourself so often … but now I know.’