‘And there is the proof that you can use magic.’
Annev shook his head. ‘We’ve had this conversation before. My arm is different.’ Sodar shook his head, but Annev changed the subject.
‘When I thought the limb was broken … I thought we’d have to leave Chaenbalu. That I’d never get to be an avatar. Never get to—’ He was going to say be with Myjun, but he stopped himself. ‘I thought my life was over,’ he said at last.
Sodar rose to his feet. ‘It’s not easy keeping secrets, even ones you’ve had your whole life. You’re never quite sure how others will react’ – he laid a hand on Annev’s shoulder and met his eyes – ‘or how much to tell them … when they find out.’
Annev nodded, studying the priest, then his stomach did a somersault.
‘You … you mean you knew! You knew I saw you in the woods, with Arnor.’
Sodar nodded. ‘You did well hiding your trail in the Brakewood, but your injury probably hindered you. Also, you forgot something.’ Annev shook his head, puzzled, and the priest waggled his fingers. ‘I have magic.’
Annev found himself getting angry again. ‘So why pretend? Why not just—’
‘Say I caught you spying?’ Annev nodded and Sodar raised his hands as if to show he had no answers. ‘I wasn’t sure how much you had heard, and I hoped to avoid the conversation. When it was clear you’d heard enough to be upset, I hoped you’d ask me about it. That was, perhaps, selfish.’
Annev didn’t trust himself to speak.
The priest walked over to the steps and sat down. ‘I expect you feel I’ve been dishonest with you.’
‘You’ve been lying to me, Sodar.’
The priest’s eyes were full of sympathy. ‘Those lies are meant to keep you safe. The truth can be … complicated. Painful. Burdensome. Your life is difficult enough with bullies, chores and your training at the Academy – not to mention lessons from a dodgy old priest.’
‘Very dodgy.’
Sodar bowed his head in mock acknowledgement, though when he looked up he was serious. ‘My point is that you keep secrets already – about your arm, your magic—’
‘I don’t have magic,’ Annev objected, ignoring the priest’s upraised hand.
‘You have enough to worry about already. Enough dangerous secrets. You don’t need to carry mine.’
Annev shook his head, stepping closer. ‘That’s not fair. You know everything about me and I know next to nothing about you.’
‘Well, I doubt that I know all your secrets …’ Annev suddenly thought of the shadepools, the glove that Myjun had given him, and the ring he hoped to give her after he passed the Test of Judgement. ‘… but,’ Sodar said, ‘I see your point. In my efforts to be cautious, I may have been too secretive. So let me remedy that a little. What do you want to know?’
Annev thought about it. ‘Why are you so fast – so strong? It can’t just be practice.’
Sodar smiled. ‘You still think it’s magic.’ Annev nodded. ‘Well, you’re close enough to the truth. Once, a very long time ago, I received a special blessing that invigorated my mind and body – I don’t get tired the way most people do, and my body responds faster to the demands I place on it. That blessing has stayed with me.’
‘Is that why Arnor called you an ageless one?’
‘You heard that, did you?’ Annev nodded and Sodar sighed. ‘It’s connected, but also more complicated. There’s a bit of Terran magic thrown in there, plus a lot of things I still don’t understand myself. Anyhow, what Arnor and I do … it’s something I can’t share now.’
Sodar’s words pricked at Annev, and he remembered how he’d felt when he’d overheard Sodar in the woods. ‘It’s connected to me, isn’t it? You told Arnor you had to take care of me – that you couldn’t help his Order because of me. Because you had to take care of me.’
‘Yes, and I can’t explain why – not yet. As I said, it’s my burden to bear.’
‘But that’s not how it works, Sodar! You want me to trust you – like a friend or a father – but a friend would treat me like an equal, and a father …’ Annev choked, his voice dropping low, almost to a whisper. ‘A father wouldn’t view me as a burden.’
Sodar suddenly hugged him. ‘If I have ever treated you like a burden,’ he said, holding the boy to his chest, ‘then it is because I’m a very poor replacement for your father. I‘ve done my best to fill that void in your life, and not out of duty or obligation. I do it because I believe in you, Annev – more than you believe in yourself – and every action I take, every day of my life, reaffirms that belief.’
Annev was still for a long while, silently resisting the old man’s affection. Yet he could not deny the old man’s love – fierce and protective as it was – and he finally leaned into it.
‘Does that mean you’ll tell me more about your past?’ Annev asked, his emotions still raw. ‘About your mission … about me?’
The priest hugged him tighter. ‘I’ve told you all you need to know for now. To say more …’ Sodar sighed, his breath deep and ragged. ‘Just be a boy, Annev. Enjoy what remains of your childhood, because tomorrow will rob us of the things we take for granted today.’
‘But you’ll explain all of it,’ Annev pressed, listening to the beat of his mentor’s heart. ‘One day?’
‘One day soon. Not just about my past, either, but about a war beyond this village.’
Annev hesitated, still anxious that Sodar kept secrets, but reassured that the priest would tell him the truth in due course.
‘All right.’
‘Good.’ The priest squeezed him once more. ‘Now let’s clean up and eat.’
Annev nodded and went to retrieve his hand-axe and shortsword. When he reached down with his left hand, though, he found his attention returning to the magic prosthetic.
‘You know,’ Annev said, taking the weapons back to the rack, ‘I still don’t understand much about magic – not even about the artifacts we’re told to reclaim. Aside from how to identify them and bring them back to the Academy, the ancients say nothing about how and why they were made, let alone how they’re meant to work.’
‘I suspect they’ve forgotten what little there is to know,’ Sodar said, carrying the wallowpike to the back of the room. ‘Their teachings are based in fear and superstition. But there is a science to magic, which is as precise and delicate as art and beauty – both of which are smaller facets of a greater and more abstract “truth”. All good things. All worth seeking out and understanding.’ Sodar slid the heavy pike into the rack, then stood straight. ‘What do you want to know?’