“He felt a little odd and went to bed. Then Doug heard a thud like something fell, and it was Daddy.” Her voice broke.
“I’m sorry, Lib.” He felt like all kinds of fool not knowing what else to say. If only words could make it all right, but Chance knew they couldn’t. She wouldn’t rest until she saw him. He prayed the old man hung on.
“I didn’t even know he had a bad heart. Neither did Doug. But apparently when the paramedics got there, they checked his medicine chest and his nightstand and found heart medicine.” Sniffles crept into the conversation. “Why didn’t he tell us?”
“Maybe he didn’t want to worry you. Maybe he thought he had it under control.”
“I should have known. I should have seen the signs. I should have done something.”
Guilt was powerful. Sometimes it could be used for good, but most times it just beat people up. He knew. For years he thought if he’d just been a better kid, hadn’t been so noisy, cleaned his room, his mother would have stayed. That’s probably why he had worked so hard when he was with his foster family—so they wouldn’t throw him back. Then hard work just became a habit. At least something good came out of it.
“Libby, most people wouldn’t spot someone suffering from heart problems unless they were a doctor or a nurse. If your father wanted you to know, he’d have told you.” Chance shifted down to second as the slope got steeper, the curves sharper, and the pavement slicker.
“He did tell me—in his way. He wanted me to work for him, to take some of the pressure off. He kept saying he wasn’t as young as he used to be. I just thought…I thought he was just trying to get me to do what he wanted. But he needed me, and I wasn’t there for him.”
Chance felt himself sinking deeper into an emotional vortex he didn’t know anything about. Making people feel better wasn’t something he’d practiced all that often, mainly because he wasn’t close enough to most people for them to share what they were feeling. Hell.
“I doubt your father believed his health issues were this serious. Otherwise he would have told you outright. You can’t be beating yourself up like this. No matter if you were working at the dealership or not, this scenario wouldn’t have likely changed. Heart attacks have to do with genetics and a lifetime of issues building up, not just one day or incident. Your father doesn’t want you beating yourself up. He’ll tell you so himself when you see him.” If he made it through the operation.
“I just can’t help but think about him dealing with this alone. Not telling anyone. Doug didn’t know either.”
“And Doug is right there every day helping him with the business.”
“I know, but I should have been there.”
Now there were full-on sobs coming out.
“No one can know when life will take a strange turn. We can’t stand still waiting for bad things to happen.”
“I should have been there for him. That’s all. That’s what he wanted. And I couldn’t give it to him. I can’t seem to give people what they want, need, when they need it.”
“Libby…” Chance fumbled through his mind, trying to find something to say, but he was coming up empty.
“It’s true. With you, with Ben, with Daddy. I know I screwed up with you, Chance. I thought it was because I was a coward, afraid to stand up to my father. So I started asserting myself with Daddy. And I was trying to do the right thing with Ben. And all I’ve done is cause misery for everyone and myself.”
“I know at times like this it’s easy to turn on yourself, but Lib, I don’t think that’s what your father is looking for you to do.”
Guilt sure was a heavy load. Even when Libby left, he’d blamed himself. He wasn’t smart enough for her, he wasn’t rich enough for her, he wasn’t tame enough for her. If only he’d loved her more…
She was blowing her nose with a tissue and wiping her eyes with her hand. Chance was at a complete loss. He just wasn’t good around women and tears.
“Mandy Prescott, who runs Prescott Rodeo,” Libby began. “She knows Daddy. She said he’s a fine man. She likes him.” Libby shook her head. “I was proud of what Daddy had built but not of what built it. I was going to tell him next time I saw him how proud I was of him and of what Mandy said.” Louder sniffling.
“So you’ll tell him when we get to the hospital.” Chance just hoped Sam Brennan would be alive by the time they arrived. Doctors were operating, but no telling how it would go.
“And if he pulls through, I’m going to work my butt off for Brennan Motors.” She whispered it like a prayer. Chance heard it like a prison sentence.
Chapter 18
Chance hated hospitals. The bleached, stale smell, the glaring white lights, the scuffed ivory linoleum floors, the dusty green walls. Clinical and depressing. When he’d hurt his foot, he couldn’t wait to get out. He felt the same way now.