“Hey Dad,” I greet, stepping further into the house. He turns in his seat, his bald head shining with the burgundy lamp beside him.
“Well look who it is.” He bobs his head as his eyes pin me with distaste. Here we go. “Did you realize being a professional boxer was stupid yet?”
“Dad!” Journey steps out of the kitchen. She’s wearing an olive green dress, and her hair is braided with little flowers weaved in. God, she is a tree hugger. But a cute one.
“It’s alright Journey, not all of us can cope with giving up on our life’s dreams.” I fire back.
“Really, is that what you think I did smartass?” Dad tilts his head to the side, a smug look fitting his face.
“Looked like it to me.” I cross my arms, challenging him.
“If your mother…” he starts to mumble under his breath.
“If my mother what?”
“Please guys,” Journey pleads. “Can’t we just have dinner like a normal family for one night?”
Ignoring her, I stop right in front of the TV.
“Mom wanted me to be more of a girl, and Mom may have wanted me to pay more attention in school, but you know what I came to realize… Mom would have supported me in the end! She’d be at every fight, and cheering my name. She was always there before she got sick, and she would be today if she were still here!”
He stands, his face scrunched in anger.
“No, she wouldn’t. She had a girl for a daughter and that’s what she would have wanted, for you to act like a lady! Don’t you see, I chose boxing over her! If fighting was never a part of our lives maybe she’d still be here!“
It stings to think Dad blames himself for Mom being gone still after all these years. Grief and mourning never leaving this family even after all these years.
“She would still be gone!” Tears fill my eyes. His face goes stoic, his eyes that were once so vibrant now ghostly. “She would still have had cancer, and you being away for a week here and there wouldn’t have changed that!”
He sits, rubbing his chin. I’ve never seen him back down so easily. It’s scary.
“Dad, I know it hurts, but you have to let go. If you don’t—”
“I can’t!” His voice wavers, as he stands. “I fell in love with your mother when we were kids. We were supposed to grow old together.” His eyes water, and my heart breaks. “I didn’t do right by your mother when she was alive, I’m just—I’m trying to do right by her now. Raising two girls, it’s not so easy you know.” His voice cracks, as he rubs the back of his neck frantically. I glance at Journey, who is a mess. She is doing drugs and dating abusive men. I’m a college dropout that is a ball of anger, ready to explode at any moment.
We’re a mess.
Biting my bottom lip, I nod and fight back the tears trying to fall from my eyes.
“Dinner is done,” Journey squeaks from behind us.
“I’m not hungry,” Dad croaks, before heading to his room.
Journey wipes her eyes and heads back into the kitchen. As heart breaking as it was to watch my father break, I think it is the first time I have seen him cry about Mom.
“I need some air,” I mutter, wiping my cheeks of spilled tears.
Crossing my arms, I head out the back door. Walking until my feet hit the train tracks. I can’t help but let my eyes sweep to the tree. The makeshift box still there that Camden made to hide my sports magazines after my dad took them away. I wonder if it still contains my magazine collection in it. Wiping the snot from under my nose, I head toward it. Opening the lid the blue crate greets me. I can’t help but smile, and grab the one off the top.
“Everything okay?”
Grasping my chest, I quickly turn finding Camden standing on the tracks. He’s wearing jersey shorts and no shirt. A blue bandanna wrapped around his head.
His chest is defined and literally not fair to the woman race. He looks tough and sexy.
“Camden, you scared me,” I breathe heavily.
“You alright?” Lowering his head, his eyes look at me with concern. He must have heard everything.
Looking back down at the magazine stack I sigh.
“I forgot how thin the walls on these houses are.” Glancing back up, he crosses his arms awaiting my response if I’m fine or not. “Yeah. I’m fine.” Sitting on the grass, I open the old magazine. The pages stick to each other from old age.
Speaking of houses, I wonder where his parents are.
“I haven’t seen your mom or dad, do they still live in the house?”
“No. Dad had another affair and Mom divorced him and ran off with Aunt Jenny, leaving him the house and the debt. I bought the house before the bank could take it.”
My brows rise at the information. His dad always eyed the women on the block and he drank a lot. I’m not surprised he strayed again.
Camden makes his way to me and sits next to me. The smell of his cologne causing my body to come alive with need. We are sitting in the same spot I lost my virginity. My mind can’t help but drift to sex. I swallow hard and try to focus on the magazine in my hand.
He sits back on his hands, and looks around him before hitting me with a smug smile.