“I like it,” she replied. “There’s a coffee shop across the road. Can we go and talk?”
Once in the coffee shop, he slid into the booth opposite her. “So how are you?” he asked.
“I’m good.” She took a deep breath. This thing had festered in her mind for too long. It was time to get it out in the open. “Did my mother kill herself?”
Shock flared in his eyes. He swallowed, cleared his throat. “Why on earth would you think that?”
“I heard you fighting the night she died.”
He glanced away then back at her. “We were always fighting.”
“I know.” She forced herself to go on. “But that night she said that you didn’t love her, that you wouldn’t care if she was dead and then…”
“Then she went out and drove her car into a tree.” He was silent for a moment, his expression bleak. “No, she didn’t kill herself. You remember what she was like. She loved melodrama and she’d said the same thing so many times. She never meant it and she knew I loved her.” He reached across and took Kim’s hand where it lay on the table and squeezed. “Besides, she would never have purposefully left you.”
She slumped in her chair, pressed her free hand to her eyes as she processed his words. Accepted them.
“Kim? You have to believe that. She loved you. She loved us both.”
“I do believe it.” It was the truth, and deep inside her, she felt the poison drain away. Later when she was alone she’d remember the good times with her mother, something she’d never allowed herself to do.
He shook his head, concern etched on his face. “I can’t believe you thought that she committed suicide all this time. Why didn’t you talk to me?”
“I was scared of what you’d say. This way, most of the time I could pretend I didn’t believe it, just sometimes…”
When she was unhappy or worried, the idea would rise up and consume her. Those months with Michael, she’d thought about her mother a lot. About how much would it take to drive someone to suicide.
Her father sighed and scrubbed at his short hair. “We were never very good at talking, were we?”
“No,” she said. “We were good at arguing though.”
“We’ll try harder from now on.”
“I’d like that.”
She felt weak with relief. If only she’d had the guts to face this years ago. Her life would have been totally different. She might never have married Michael. But then she might never have met Jake either, and that didn’t bear thinking about. That reminded her there was something else she needed to clear up. Something that had been churning in her mind since she’d discovered Jake knew her father. “Did you employ Jake’s company to keep an eye on me five years ago?”
“Did he tell you that?”
“No.”
He was silent for a minute, and she held her breath. Finally, he spoke. “I didn’t trust your husband. And you were stubborn. You’ve always been stubborn. I wanted to make sure you were safe.”
She should have been mad—this was just another form of control—but all she could think was that he’d cared for her after all. An unpleasant thought occurred to her. “You’re not still paying him to look after me, are you?”
Amusement flashed in his face. “No. In fact, he refused payment after he met you. Said it was a conflict of interest. We argued a little. He wanted to pull you out of there straightaway. I said you had to make your own decision. He came around to my way of thinking, but he wasn’t happy. So how is he?”
“He’s asked me to marry him.”
“Does he know what he’s getting into?” Her father smiled. “Of course he does. What did you tell him?”
“I haven’t yet. I don’t know that I can be what he wants.”
He studied her for long minutes before he spoke again. “Sometimes we lose the people we love through no choice or fault of our own. And we have to go on, even though at the time it might seem impossible.”
“Like you lost my mother?”
He nodded. “You might find this hard to believe, but for all that we fought, I loved her. Desperately.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So am I. But my point is, right now you have a choice, and maybe you need to stop worrying about what either of you want and decide what you can’t live without.”
At his words, she had a moment of clarity. That’s why she’d been fighting her feelings—because she hadn’t been able to contemplate a life without Jake. And if she accepted the lesser deal of being his friend, then she wouldn’t screw everything up and lose him completely.
Loving Jake was a risk, but so was everything that was worthwhile. And if Jake was brave enough to take a chance on her—and she was the much worse bet—then how could she do any less?
A sense of lightness filled her as though a huge weight dropped from her shoulders. She grinned. “I’m going to marry Jake.”
“Good.”
She cast him a sharp glance. “Why? Because he can look after me?”
His eyes widened in surprise. “Are you always this confrontational?”
“Yes.”
“And do you need looking after?”