He sat up and studied her as though she was some interesting specimen. “You know, you like to believe that you’re over the past. But in fact, it dictates your every move.”
She felt the first stirring of her own anger. And she grabbed on to it because it was better than fear or despair or any of the other emotions churning around inside her. She’d told him she loved him. Didn’t he realize how enormous that was? Couldn’t he give her a bit of space to come to terms with it? “Maybe the past is controlling me. But now I need to know that I can look after myself. I’m going to find a new job, move out of my apartment, and then we—”
He sliced a hand in the air to shut her up, and she clamped her lips closed.
“You still don’t understand. You think being on your own means you’re strong, when it actually means you’re scared to love. Yeah, well, you know what? I’m scared as well—fucking terrified. But at least I’m willing to give it a try.”
“I’m not ready for this, Jake. I want to be what you need, but I’m not sure I can.” She hated the hint of desperation in her voice. “Why can’t we be friends? Not forever. Just for now and I’ll try to change. I—”
“Did you honestly imagine that we would have this weekend and then calmly go back to being ‘friends’? I don’t want a goddamn friend.” He said the word as though it were something dirty.
She realized that beneath his smooth facade, he was furious. She’d always known Jake had a temper, but he’d never taken it out on her before.
“Let me be perfectly clear,” he continued. “There’s no more ‘genial boss,’ no more ‘nice neighbor,’ no more ‘fucking best friend.’ I want a lover and I want a wife. And you have to decide if you can be that for me.”
She swallowed. “And if I can’t?”
He looked her straight in the eyes. “Then perhaps we both need to move on.”
She blinked, her breath hitching in her throat. He couldn’t mean it. “Is that an ultimatum?”
“Yes.” He sighed and pressed the back of his skull as though to ease the tension. “Christ, your father warned me you were a problem. I should have listened.”
“My father?” She remembered he’d mentioned her father before. “How do you know my father?”
He pursed his lips as if considering what to say to her. “I think you’d better ask him about that.” He started to say something else, then scowled and got to his feet.
“Come on, princess, it’s time to leave the castle. The fairy tale is over.”
…
Neither of them said a word until they landed back in London.
In a way, Jake was sorry he’d been so harsh. But maybe the truth was all he had left.
He hadn’t meant to tell her he loved her. He’d meant to be patient and show her. But the moment had been so perfect and the words had slipped out.
Poor Kimberly.
She’d looked so shocked. Then sad.
The shock he’d understood—she’d been in denial. The sadness he wasn’t so sure about. He didn’t want her sad. Hell, he wanted to dedicate his life to making her happy, but the sadness gave him hope that his words had sunk in.
And she’d said she loved him. If she’d just given him a little time to enjoy that, then he might not have lost it. Wouldn’t have given her that ultimatum.
She loved him.
But love wasn’t enough.
Hadn’t he shown her that he wouldn’t always take control, that he’d let her take the reins as much as he did? Hell, he’d let her tie him up. That would never happen with anyone else. Did she not realize that he could deny her just about nothing?
No. Obviously she didn’t.
His anger was mounting again.
He reckoned they both needed some time to cool down and consider what had been said. He couldn’t lose her now. He’d almost reached true happiness that weekend.
He landed the helicopter on the rooftop and switched off the engine. They both sat in silence as he waited for the blades to slow. Then he turned to her. “I love you. I’m not going to pretend anymore.”
“I don’t want to pretend either,” she said. “But I am scared.”
“I know. But sometimes, you need to close your eyes and jump and trust that someone will catch you.”
“Like out of an airplane without a parachute. Have you ever done that? Trusted someone to catch you?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I’ve been doing it all weekend.” And he was fucking bruised and battered from all the falls.
Her eyes widened as she digested that comment. But he was through pussyfooting around. It was out in the open now, and he intended that it should stay there.
“Go home, get some rest.” He watched while she fumbled with the harness but didn’t offer to help. “I’ll send someone over with your bags.” Though it occurred to him that she might have run back to her own apartment by the time he got home.
Maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. He planned to stay away from her for a while. If only for his own sanity.
Chapter Eighteen
Kim couldn’t believe he had given her an ultimatum.
Or perhaps she could. She’d pushed him too far.