Live Wire (Ramsey Security #2)

"No, I don't."

Smiling, I caress the side of my glass. Saskia's gaze fixes on my fingers before turning to my face.

"I like you," I say. "A lot actually but I'm not taking your shit sitting down. If you want me to behave, you need to behave too."

Leaning forward, she narrows her defiantly dark eyes. "You have nothing to offer me in exchange for my good behavior."

"I have everything. You're the one coming to the table nearly empty-handed."

"How do you figure?"

I wave off her anger and smile at the waitress bringing our food. After we're alone again, I cut my steak while Saskia pouts. As much as I want to console her, I know she won't appreciate the gesture. Even so, I still wish I could wrap her in my arms and kiss away her unhappiness.

"What do you see in me?" she dares after I've eaten half of my meal.

Wiping my mouth, I adjust in my chair and hold her gaze. "I see beauty and strength. I see untapped warmth hiding inside you. I see a longing to have more than your mother had. Mostly, I see confusion at who you are now that you've stopped being Little Maven."

"I'll always be Little Maven."

"To your enemies, but not to me. Deep inside, you don't want to see yourself that way either. Except without that label, who are you now?"

Saskia's cold exterior shatters for a second, and I glimpse a lost woman. She really doesn't know what to do with herself. I understand how she feels.

"Why do I have to be anyone?" she finally asks.

"After I escaped the cult freaks, I gave up everything in my old life. We moved back to Houston, and I stopped talking to the friends I made in California. I didn't want to remember any of that life. I hid myself away, and I was happy. When my therapist pushed me to face my fears, I fought him. I didn't want my old life. I have no urge to travel or act. I like my house. I like writing songs rather than singing them. The new me isn’t particularly special and he won’t end up on the cover of a gossip magazine. He’s happy as hell being nobody though."

Saskia leans back in her chair and hides behind her cold eyes. I know she's truly listening though.

"You can be anyone now. Your mother is dead, and the past is the past. You can start over again like I did. Other people do it all the time. My mom was a housewife and office clerk before she went to California to manage me. She didn't know about contracts and publicity tours. People treated her like a fucking nobody and tried pushing her around. Mom pushed right back. She isn't nearly as tough as she pretends, but she can be what she needs to be when the time comes. You can too. Little Maven was who you were. It's not who you have to be now."

Saskia picks up her fork and digs into the salmon on her plate. "Nice speech, but the past is never gone. You know that every time you wash your back and chest."

"Those scars remind me that I survived. When faced with death, I didn't fall apart. When you have a plush fucking life, you never know how you'll react to such violence. I kept my head and escaped."

"Killed one of them too."

I think of Dennis and nod. "Killed one of them too."

Saskia focuses on her food and ignores my attempts to restart the conversation.

"I don't want dessert," she says once the waitress takes her plate. "I want to return to the hotel and get on all fours."

"Of course you do. I want a piece of cake first."

Saskia actually fists her napkin as if wanting to punch me.

"Sugar will help me keep up my stamina tonight," I mumble, trying not to laugh. "You should see your face."

"You're being an ass."

"Yes, but you were being a bitch earlier, so it evens out."

Saskia twists her lips in thought before shrugging. "That's true. Can I share the cake?"

I nearly dive across the table and kiss her but know we're still dancing. Saskia wants to be cold and in charge. Considering she's her worst enemy, I refuse to let her dictate what happens.

Rather than revealing how badly I want her, I only nod at her question. I plan to keep things simple for the rest of dinner and the ride home. Once I have her to myself at the hotel though, all bets are off.





19


Saskia

Lost in Lust

Brad's strong fingers dance along my back during the ride up the elevator. Even grinning, I shove his hands away. He only smiles at me before hiding his face in my hair.

His easy affections addict me. I've never known anyone so willing to embrace me and smile so honestly. In my life, people hide and lie. No one shows their true self when honesty can lead to death.

Brad should hide too. He's survived all these years by keeping to himself and remaining locked away. The man has no reason to trust me, yet he hides nothing when our gazes meet. His touch never hesitates either, taking greedily instead.