“Do you miss him?”
“No. I see him a few times a week and he’s not the spring chicken I married. I think I got out when the getting was good. Besides, I kept the house.”
Darby winks at me, but I can’t be sure how much she’s serious about and what’s hot air.
“Now you tell me which boy you’re interested in, so I can throw cold water on your hopes and dreams. It’s sort of my thing.”
We share a smile then I fess up. “I know it’s stupid, but his name is Ford.”
Darby gives me a look that makes me feel tiny and stupid. Then she laughs. Even wanting to crawl in a corner and cry, I only drink my coffee.
“Did you have a lot of boyfriends back in Georgia?” she asks after her laughter dies out.
“Some, yeah.”
“Any of them worth mentioning?”
I shake my head. “My family has a reputation about us girls being easy, so only certain guys were interested in me. It only got worse when I started working at the club.”
“So were they boyfriends or dates that ended in fucking?”
“The second one.”
“Well, we’ve all been there. My sister got a bad rep early on. Truth be told she was a slutbag for a while. It’s like she got addicted to orgasms and couldn’t get enough. She’d do anyone anytime. Pretty gross. I think it was because she was too damn young when she first fucked. Later, she settled down and wanted a real boyfriend, but everyone wanted Good Time Madison. She ended up moving and starting over.”
“I never really enjoyed sex,” I admit. “I tried having fun, but the guys were all pushy and I never got anything out of it.”
“Nothing to get addicted over, huh?” she says, smirking. “You’ll have a good time with Ford. The fucking will be fun anyway. Don’t expect anything more from him. I doubt he’s capable of loving anyone besides his brother.”
“I’m not sure I could handle love anyway. I think a decent fuck would be a nice start,” I say, feeling Ford on my fingertips again.
“If you want to hook up with him, all you’ll have to do is ask. He’s a bigger slutbag than my sister was.”
I smile. “Maybe after I get settled in. I’m starting work tonight. That should be my focus.”
“Should be, but won’t be,” Darby says, finishing her coffee. “Men are like that. They get under your skin and crawl around in there until you find a cure. Time might kill the feelings. Getting your heart broken is the fastest cure, but who the hell wants to sign up for that?”
I watch Darby walk to the coffee maker and fill herself another cup. She’s comfortable in her skin like I’m not. I bet a lot of people talk shit about her behind her back. Maybe to her face too. She isn’t like anyone else and doesn’t care. Meanwhile, I hide under my trucker hat and hope no one gets too close.
I’m still feeling edgy when I start my new job. Wearing clothes I borrow from Darby, I fake the role of happy hotel clerk. After a few days at the Oregon, I’m not playing anymore.
For the first night, I’m trained by a girl who only wants to talk about her bodybuilder boyfriend. The second night on the job, I’m alone with Jeff who acts as security and errand boy. He ignores me and I spend a lot of time bored, but it’s better than being half naked on a stage with perverts throwing quarters at me.
Whether busy or bored, I have Ford on my mind. Darby figures as much and hints I ought to visit him at Suede. After three days of hinting, she hands me her keys and stares me right in the eyes.
“Get him out of your system,” she orders.
Who am I to disobey?
I consider wearing something nicer than flannel and a trucker cap. Make him see the prettier side of me. Except Ford is the kind of man to lay waste to my young infatuation. No, I decide to stick with enjoying him from under my protective cap.
Arriving at Suede, I worry I might get carded. The bartender doesn’t ask for an ID though. He hands me the beer, saying he’ll put it on my dad’s tab. Even frowning at the last part, I don’t ask questions.
I have no trouble finding Ford. He’s sitting with Pax in the corner. They claim the booth, owning it with their very presence. I try not to stare, but they’re both so damn handsome. Ford looks like a fallen angel, dark and inviting and ready to destroy me.
When I imagine him wanting me, I feel wonderful. Then I imagine him discarding me and nothing else matters. He hasn’t even shown me any real interest and I’m already a love struck fool.
Despite my flustered insides, I act casual when I head to their booth. They look at me like I’m Bambi coming to chat with the hunters who killed his mom.
“Can I sit here?” I ask, holding a beer I don’t really want to drink.
Ford pats the seat while Pax focuses his gaze on a girl laughing loudly near the bar. I don’t know if he’s annoyed or aroused, but he watches her long after I sit down. Ford though is only interested in me.
“You leave anyone important behind when you ditched Georgia?” Ford asks.