My drink is cold now, but I finish it as we walk to the entrance. Luke pays for both of us and we follow the stream of people in, all of us bundled up in thick coats against the night chill. The cider tastes like fall on my tongue. I feel like I belong tonight.
Walking into the park, I expect Christmas decorations. Instead the lights are sculpted into the shapes of animals. I gaze up at a blue-and-orange monkey with a swinging tail.
“Where to first?” Luke asks, indicating a sign with arrows pointing in three different directions.
“Big cats,” I answer immediately.
We head off in that direction, passing an exhibit with a sign that says BLACK BEAR. There’s no bear in sight, or else he’s hiding in a corner the overhead lights don’t reach. I’m surprised to see that the space looks like a little mountain canyon with rocks and a stream.
“It’s not what I expected,” I say as we come to a similar-looking exhibit marked BROWN BEAR.
“The lights?”
“No, the zoo. I thought they were all in little cages. With bars, you know?”
Luke turns to look at me. “Haven’t you ever been to a zoo?”
“No. This is my first time.”
“Jane, that’s crazy!”
I shrug. “Not a lot of zoos where I grew up.”
“Then this is a special occasion. We’re going to need to do everything. The carousel. Wax animal machine. Funnel cake.”
“Hey, I’ve had funnel cake before!”
“But not zoo funnel cake.”
“True.”
“Come on. You have to read all the signs.” He pulls me over to the brown bear description, but I still haven’t seen any sign of life. I humor Luke and read the facts about each animal. Bears, foxes, wolves. The wolf is the first animal I spot. It’s staring at me past the edges of a scraggly bush. I stare back until a paler wolf joins the first and they trot away together.
“That’s pretty cool,” I say.
“The big cats are just ahead.”
I immediately abandon the wolves and hurry toward an archway decorated with tigers and lions. More faux landscapes await, but these exhibits are behind thick glass that rises up until it meets stiff netting that keeps the cats from finding a way out into the night.
The Bengal tiger is awake and prowling. I freeze in wonder at the sight. He moves exactly like my cat. Muscles slide under fur as his eyes scan his surroundings. Sleek, elegant, powerful—he’s gorgeous and deadly.
His pupils turn briefly silver when they catch the light.
I’m shocked by the huge size of his paws and his massive head. He is a killer. Far more dangerous than I’ll ever be.
I watch him slide between two tree trunks, and then he leaps up to a rock ledge with no effort at all. My God.
His keepers love him, I’m sure. They care for him each day, feeding him and tending any ills. They speak to him and throw him treats. Still, I can see in his piercing gaze that he would happily kill any one of them, given the chance. No, not any one of them. All of them.
That kind of thing isn’t valued in a human, but we see the awesome beauty of it here, behind a cage, where it can’t hurt us.
I will never be as dangerous as this animal, but I can move freely among people and they’ll raise no alarm.
The tiger settles down and closes his eyes. We move on to a leopard, then a puma, then another tiger, slightly smaller than the first. All of them are gorgeous and fascinating.
I watch until I feel Luke getting restless beside me. He buys me cotton candy and leads me to the carousel. I’m dizzy with delight by the time we leave.
Luke fills up a little of the empty space inside me, and I see the world through his eyes, just as I did with Meg.
CHAPTER 32
Turns out that Steven was busy while I was out on my date. The little bastard is cheating on me.
Well, to be clear, he’s trying to cheat on me, but the woman on the other end of the phone isn’t interested in being his booty call. I click through to the earliest video from this evening to see who else he called.
He gets home from work and heads straight for his exercise room. He reappears forty-five minutes later to put a pot of water on the stove and then he disappears for what I assume is a quick shower, because he’s wearing a different T-shirt and sweatpants when he emerges to dump a box of macaroni into the steaming pot. No booty calls so far. My man is still faithful.
He turns on a football game and sits at the kitchen table to eat his meal, but before he’s done, he looks up, startled at something. He mutes the TV. I hear it then. The doorbell ringing.
Oh my gosh, it’s Mr. and Mrs. Hepsworth!
Before I even see them, I hear Steven exclaim, “Dad!” with great joy. Then I hear the clap of male back patting before Steven leads his dad into the living room. Rhonda follows behind. No back pats for her.
“What are you doing out here?” Steven asks.
“Oh, we had an early dinner with that new minister from Brooklyn Park Christian. We were about to pass your exit and I realized we hadn’t stopped by in months. Thought I’d drop in and see the new fence.”
Steven’s chest puffs out proudly at that, and he leads his father out to the patio. I hear a low murmur of conversation through the door. Rhonda stays inside, staring at her phone. I hope she has a hot online boyfriend to fill her days, but that’s probably a bit risky for a preacher’s wife.
Steven and his dad return and they discuss the new minister for a while. Rhonda faces away from them, straight into the camera, and I see her lip curl with contempt, though I’m not sure for what. Her husband? His son? This life she lives?
The pastor excuses himself to use the restroom, and as soon as he’s gone, Steven’s gaze goes to Rhonda. He glares at her back for a long moment before he finally approaches. “Stay the fuck away from Jane,” he says, and I gasp and bounce with gleeful surprise. What the hell is this?
Rhonda rolls her eyes before she turns to face him. “What are you talking about?”
“Every time I turn around, you two are huddled up together gossiping. I don’t want you influencing her.”
“Influencing her to do what? Use her brain? She’s even dumber than your last little piece.”
“Just leave her alone.”
“You think I give a shit who you date? She’s the one who’s trying to kiss my ass and get in good with Daddy. It’s pitiful.”
“I don’t see you discouraging her.”
“Yeah, because I couldn’t care less.”
“Don’t fuck with me,” he warns.
“My God, you’re insane, you know that?” She swings back around toward the camera and raises her phone to dismiss him. A door opens offscreen and Steven moves away. I watch Rhonda’s eyes slide to the side as if she’s still wary of Steven’s presence. When her husband returns, Rhonda heads straight for the front door.
“We’d better get going, darling,” she says. She doesn’t wait for him to agree before she leaves.
What in the world was that? I bounce again and clap my hands, then click back to the beginning so I can pay even closer attention.
Does Steven think she’s going to tell me something I shouldn’t know? Is it about him abusing Meg? It makes sense. Rhonda hates his guts; there’s no reason she wouldn’t want to sabotage a new relationship for him. I should see if I can get her alone for a cocktail. But this Jane isn’t a drinks-with-the-girls kind of woman. Maybe coffee instead. Or tea.
Once they’re gone, Steven is agitated, pacing back and forth across the kitchen, swiping his hand through his hair. He drinks two beers in quick succession. Then he gets out his phone.
He dials someone and gets no answer. I dig my phone from my purse and see that I missed a call from him at 8:30. He probably wanted to know if he could drop by for a quick curbside handy.
Setting down the phone, he turns the game back on, but a few minutes later he’s back on the phone sending a short text. It wasn’t to me. His phone buzzes. He texts again. He smiles a tight little smile and mutes the TV again to make a phone call.
“Hey,” he says. “Long time no see.”
He paces back to the bedroom and this is the video I saw a few minutes ago, phone already pressed to his ear and charming grin in place. “Come on, it wasn’t like that. I just got busy with work.”