Bogart suddenly got up and left the sofa. He resettled under the TV, his gaze directed at his partner, as if to say, I’ve done what I could. You’re on your own.
James watched Shay closely for signs of emotional overload. She had twisted her arms together under her bosom. Did she know how nakedly her emotions shone on her face when she looked at him? He ached to reach for her but that wasn’t going to happen until they finished this. Even so, he couldn’t resist sliding closer to her until they all but touched as they sat side by side. “When did you break up with Eric?”
“That night. It’s been a month.”
“And yet Eric’s still harassing you. You can go back to the police, have them look up the initial call you made about Eric.”
She hunched her shoulders, trying to shrink further into the sofa. “I don’t need the hassle.”
“Is that the only reason?”
Shay slumped back against the cushions, exhausted and a little sick. “Just leave it, James. I’ve told you enough.”
“I don’t think you have.” He reached over and placed his hand over hers where it lay on her thigh. “I get it. You’re scared. You’ve been the victim of abuse. Douche bags like Eric wouldn’t stand a chance if their true natures were obvious. Now that you know what he’s capable of you need to protect yourself.”
She gave her head a tight little shake. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
She made a little sound of misery. “You don’t understand. You don’t know anything about me. About my past. What I’ve done.”
There was a beat of silence. “Tell me.”
Shay twisted away from him, feeling something dark and ugly rip open inside her, something so horrible that she had not been able to face it at the time. “I’m not worth your effort. I’m broken. Screwed up.”
“Maybe you need to see—”
“A shrink?” She whipped back around to face him. Here it came, all the things she had hoped to spare herself, and him. She felt her world collapsing inward, the walls of years of effort crumbling beneath her feet as she free-fell into darkness.
“Shay?” Hands framed her face and lifted it. And then she was gazing up from that dreadful bottomless place into the blazing summer blue of James’s eyes.
“I stabbed a man.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Shay wondered how long a person could hold her breath and not pass out. James hadn’t reacted to her confession. It was as if he, too, were waiting. The only difference was he was breathing slow and even, just as before.
After several heartbeats he said, “Who was he?”
Shay gasped softly before speaking. “A friend of my mother’s.”
“How old were you?”
“Fourteen.”
She felt James shift to angle his body toward hers on the sofa.
“Tell me what happened.” His voice was little more than a breath.
“It was a mistake.” Even as she said the words Shay gave her head a little shake. She’d started all wrong. This wasn’t the way to tell it. But she really didn’t know how. She hadn’t actually said the words out loud to anyone in a long time. When her world blasted apart, she couldn’t. Ever since those years, she hadn’t wanted to.
“Does Eric know about this?”
“He guessed something. I have nightmares sometimes. Like the night you were here.”
James nodded. “I remember. Go on.”
Shay rocked her head in the negative against her palm. She really really didn’t want to say more. But James was getting close to her very fast. If he was going to bolt, he needed to do it before she started counting on him to always be there for her.
He shifted closer and raised a hand to cup her cheek. “Just say words, Shay. Whatever you’re thinking. Just say that.”
“I don’t remember it. No, I do. Some of it. But then it gets all weird and crazy.” She strung the last word out as if it caused her pain.
“Where were you?”
“We lived over a Chinese restaurant in Raleigh.” She swallowed. “I’ve hated Chinese food ever since. Dad had been in the army, a lifer, died in 2000. Nothing heroic. Service copter went down on practice maneuvers out in Arizona.”
James let out a rough sound. It caught and perfectly reflected her feelings.
“Mom was an LPN. She brought us back home to live but work wasn’t easy to find. She took double shifts at a nursing home. At first, she didn’t date much. Then she met Andrew. He was nice to us for a while. But after he moved in, to help with the rent, he would sometimes get drunk and break things. And he looked at me in a way that made me feel funny.”
“Yeah.”
“Mom said that I was just not used to having a man around the place. But she put a lock on my bedroom door when I asked her to. When she worked night shifts I would lock it and never get out of bed in the middle of the night. Only one night I woke up and had to pee really bad.”
Shay swallowed. Things were getting confusing. She could feel a pressure building like two hands clutching her heart. She was opening the door to a horror-movie basement that everyone knew never to go down into. Only, for her, the horror had been all too real.