I walk ahead and see that the whole massacre is being broadcasted on TV in the coffee shops already. People are either appalled by it or laughing their heads off. One boy asks if they could watch he looks over my shoulder instead because he doesn't like this cartoon they're watching.
Suddenly, a car rushes by, splashing dirt on us. Before I shout at the driver, he reverses, splashing me once more. I can't see him through the framed windows, but I don't need to be a magician to know who he is. It's an old cranky sports car, all white, and has diamonds painted all over it, making it look like one big silly playing card.
"Alice!" Jack Diamonds jumps out. "You're not stalking me, are you?" His dimples lower my guard again. The radio inside the car is playing a song called It's Raining Cats, Hallelujah.
"Seriously?" I pout. "It's you again?"
"I was attending a Formula One race in France," he says. "Just around the corner."
"And let me guess. You won, right?" I snicker.
"Actually, no. But I finished fourth," he says. "There were only four contestants. So what's all the fuss about the sky raining cats?" He looks over my shoulder.
"Believe me, you don't want to know."
"If you say so. How are you, Constance?" Jack says.
"I'm fine!" She giggles.
"Alice sure loves you," he says, kneeling down. "What kind of trouble did you get yourself into this time?"
"I was kidnapped by an old woman who thinks she is the Cheshire Cat," Constance replies.
"Did she have claws?" Jack says, his face dimming.
"Yes," Constance said. "How do you know?"
"I think she is actually coming for you again." Jack looks over Constance's shoulder.
I turn and see the Cheshire running in our direction. Constance clings to me again.
"I don't know what you guys got yourself into, but get in my car," Jack says. "Fast."
Chapter 66
Jack drives like a madman through the streets of Ypres.
"Seriously, how is that old woman moving so fast?" Jack glances in the rearview mirror.
"We're safe now," I say, sitting next to him, Constance in the back seat. "Thank you."
"Yes, thank you Jack." Constance says.
"Does that mean you're going out on a date with me?" he says.
"Not again," I sigh. "Why do you want to go on a date with me? I don't know you."
"Let's see. We've saved a girl together, fought a bunch of red-hooded monsters, and now escaped an old woman who thinks she is a cat. I’ve kissed girls before saying hello. You're practically my wife now. We even have kids." He winks at Constance in the back. Constance giggles.
"Okay," I sigh. "If you drive us safely back to Oxford."
"I will take you anywhere you want to go. Just ask, buttercup. So where and when? Are you free tonight?"
Suddenly, I am aware that I can't meet him at night and tell him so. I don't tell him I am in an asylum though. I don't think he'll like it. No one wants to date a girl with a Certificate of Insanity.
"So you have plans every night? What are you, a party animal?"
I laugh, thinking about my nightly parties with Waltraud and Ogier. "Let's just meet in daylight."
"So how is this going to be? The English way?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean who's going to pay? English way, we split the check. American way, I pay the check. French way, probably you pay the check. Carrollian way, we eat mushrooms and drink tea in a house we break into."
"Wow, I didn't know you were this cheap."
"I am not cheap. I am broke. I stole the gas to drive this car to see you."
"So you admit you're stalking me."
"Well, yes. I am. I don't know what it is about you, but I can't stop thinking about you." He grips his wheel, still speeding up.
My phone buzzes. I look at it as if I have totally forgotten about it. I haven't had one until two days ago anyways.
"Stop the car," I demand. "I need to take this call." I don't want him to hear me talk to the Pillar in case I have to mention something about the asylum. If I am going on a date with Jack, I want it to be as if I am just a normal girl.
"If you say so, buttercup." Jack complies and parks next to a grocery store. I get out and walk a few steps away to pick up the Pillar's call.
"Where are you?" the Pillar says.
"On my way back to Oxford," I don't want him to know I am with Jack. He will keep telling me he is a distraction. "I have Constance. Are you alright?"
“I had to play woof woof with the activists for a while, but I am," he says. "I think from now on there will be no more Kattenstoet Festival. I spattered a lot of cat blood on the wall. The whole tower is pretty much jinxed. But the Cheshire escaped."
"Yes, I know. He was just after us but we..."
Before I finish my sentence, Jack's car gets hit by a big yellow school bus. The phone flies in the air and smashes into pieces. I turn to look for Jack. He is drowning in his blood. My eyes shift to the back seat. Constance isn't there. When I raise my head, I see the Cheshire driving the schools bus. He isn't wearing the mask, still in his woman form. He has Constance pulled by her hair next to him. When I look for my umbrella to shoot him again, I discover that I am bleeding, too dizzy from the hit. I fall to the asphalt, spiraling down into my own personal darkness.
Part Three: We're All Mad Everywhere
Chapter 67