I am not comfortable with him knowing about my family, but something makes me keep talking to him. "My mom says I escaped from my sister Edith when I was seven, and came back blabbering about a scary place called Wonderland," I say. "It's a crazy story. I think it was my childhood imagination after reading Alice in Wonderland. It's just silly."
"What's life but a big silly book?" he says. "You've answered the question I sent you. It means you must remember something."
"I don’t know how the answer came to me, but I assume it’s because it was written in Alice in Wonderland."
"No, it's not. The fact that four times seven is fourteen is only hinted at in the book. It's never mentioned. You remember more than you think you do, Alice. It's just the shock therapies and medicine that made you forget," the Pillar says. "Seriously, Alice. Aren't you curious about the things you don't remember?" He places his hose on the edge of the hookah and leans forward. It's the first time he gives me his full attention. "I can make you remember amazing things."
"Like what?"
"Like who the Red Queen really is. Why she chopped off heads. Who the Rabbit really was. Where the real rabbit hole exists. What a raven and a writing desk really have in common. Why Lewis Carroll wrote this book. And a lot of the other things," the Pillar says. "Basically, I can tell you who you really are. And you know what happens if you know who you really are?"
"No. I don't." I think I am better off not knowing who I really am. I don’t know why I think so.
"You get to know if you really killed your classmates. And if you did, you get to know why you did it." The Pillar stops for an effect. I am almost sure of what he will say next. "Don't you want to know why you killed the boy you loved?"
Chapter 14
The Pillar's last remark gets to me the most. I still can't shake my mourning over the boy I loved but can't remember. Adam and my Tiger Lily seem to be all I care about in this world.
"I am listening," I say. "Tell me what you want."
"I want him," he says without hesitation as he clicks his TV screen on. It shows news coverage of the Cheshire Cat murders.
"You're not going to tell me this is the real Cheshire Cat, are you?" I chortle.
"What do you care? Wonderland isn't real to you, is it?" he smirks. "I will guarantee that you leave this asylum twelve hours each day, see the world outside, do the little tasks I ask of you, and then come back and sleep in the asylum at night."
"That's not possible. The judge says I am insane. It’s official."
"I believe you noticed I have an effect on Dr. Truckle. Trust me. He will do as I say."
"I assume these tasks have something to do with catching the Cheshire Cat?" I raise an eyebrow. This conversation seems surreal to me. I am not sure if I am not just hallucinating it.
"If you do as I say, we'll catch him," the Pillar says. "Don't worry. I won’t ask you to shoot a gun or be in great danger. You'll just help me solve some puzzles about him, and then go to bed like any obedient mad girl."
"You realize this should be the police's work, right?"
"Trust me, they can't catch him. Besides, wouldn't you feel better if you helped in catching him and saving tens of other girls from getting killed?"
I like the idea, although saving people isn't something mad girls should be doing. "And what will I get in return, other than the chance of seeing real sunshine and snow for the first time in the last two years?"
"I am hoping that at some point you'll remember Wonderland again and I can prove your sanity. But I know you're not enthusiastic about this idea," he says. "Tell you what; I can make Dr. Truckle get you a cell like mine."
"I don't care about the cell," I say. "For my first mission out, I want my Tiger Lily back."
"The Tiger Lily again," he considers.
"And a bigger source of sunshine for it to grow in my cell."
"I like a girl who knows what she wants. We have a deal," he says.
I nod, not knowing what I am doing exactly. All I can think of is that I will get out of this place, even if it's for a few hours a day. I wonder if I can get to go watch a movie or go out and eat ice cream, like normal people do. "Deal," I say.
"Frabjous," the Pillar chirps. I find it silly that he uses this word, but I also find it amusing.
"How do we start?" I ask.
"Why don't we start with that silly straitjacket of yours? I heard you're a master of escaping it."
Part Two: We’re All Mad There
Chapter 15
VIP Ward, the Radcliffe Lunatic Asylum – Oxford
The next morning, they send me back to the VIP ward. I'm surprised no nurses or wardens are present. Instead, the hallway is filled with Mushroomers from another ward.
"Welcome to the pinnacle of insanity," the Pillar waves his cane in the air, like a circus ringmaster. He hasn't started smoking yet. I guess it's too early, or maybe he prefers to sober up while I am on this mission. The mad patients dressed in their tattered gowns, surround me with giggling eyes. I feel like I am in an insane zombie movie, the princess of all zombies. "Aren't you going to greet your fellow lunatics--or should I call them ‘colleagues?’" the Pillar says, throwing parental glances at them. They seem to adore him.