I squinted at him, studying his expression. As intoxicated as I was the night of my mother’s accident, I distinctly remembered wondering how they had gotten word of her condition.
“Your mother picked up and left with you after I begged her to stay. I pleaded with her to let me take care of the two of you. It was the least I could do for your father, but she wanted no part of me not that I blamed her.” He took a deep breath. “She was bitter and rightfully so fearing that you would follow in your father’s footsteps if she kept you in Brooklyn. If she kept you around me, there was a good chance she would have been right. When she moved with you to Pennsylvania, she made me promise not to contact you or her. She cried to me that I had already taken her husband away from her that she would never let me take her son.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I couldn’t dispute facts. I had been the reason she was a widow so I respected her wishes. I stayed away even though I knew that in my heart I was betraying your father. He would hate me knowing that I didn’t take you under my wing and be a father figure to you.”
“I don’t know why I chose to honor Maryann’s wishes and not Val’s maybe it was guilt. Maybe deep down inside I knew that she was right, I wasn’t good enough to be around you. I should’ve stayed away, but I had always kept a watchful eye on the two of you and when I found out about Maryann’s accident, I just couldn’t stay away. For Christ’s sake I’ve ruined my own children’s lives I had no business ruining yours too.”
My mind was reeling from Victor’s confession over the last ten years I have harbored so much resentment for this man thinking that he had given up on me. It had never crossed my mind that he was wracked with guilt over my father’s death or that my mother had asked him to stay away. I always assumed since he was still sending her the rent from our old house that they had been in touch.
I stared at Victor watching his eyes become glassy as he looked back at me. I probably shouldn’t have felt bad for him, but for some reason I pitied him. He wasn’t a bad guy I mean he did some pretty fucked up shit and he was a criminal, but deep down that man had a heart. He was a man who made many mistakes a man who lived with regrets a man too far gone to ever right his wrongs. He was a tortured soul.
“I never meant for any of this to touch you Michael.”
Jimmy sounded the horn on the Escalade impatiently causing Victor to sigh and hold up his hand to him.
“I have to get out of here before I compromise the two of you anymore than I already have.” He said and then he shocked me by wiping away a tear that had escaped him. Victor Pastore was crying actually crying. That did something to me making my own emotions surface. “It was never my intention for you to be anything but a legit businessman.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry son.”
I felt raw the wounds from my father’s passing were re-opened and my mother’s death was the salt on those wounds. Victor’s words sliced through me tearing at anything that was left of me.
“I’ll take care of Nikki.” I said hoarsely.
“I know you will.” He said, pausing for a moment before he pulled me by my shoulder towards him wrapping his arms tightly around me. I fought to hold back the tears that stung my eyes as he patted me on the back reassuringly. We stood like that for a few moments before he pulled away.
“I’ll be in touch.” He said turning around towards the car, pausing once he opened the passenger door. “I almost forgot.” He reached into his suit pocket and pulled out a worn envelope yellowed from its age handing it to me.
“What’s this?” I asked, clearing my throat and taking the envelope.
“It’s a letter your father wrote me years ago when we were just soldiers.” He said, climbing into the truck reaching for the door. He looked at me one more time before closing the door. He rolled the window down as Jimmy started the car.
“Don’t be a cowboy.” Victor said his parting words of advice.
I watched as Jimmy left tire marks along the muddy earth driving away from me.
I glanced down at the envelope folded it in half and shoved it in my pocket. I took a deep breath, my head was pounding, and I was dreading the drive down to Florida. I turned around and headed towards the cabin.
Nikki was in the shower when I walked back inside so I decided to get our shit together while I waited for her that way we could hit the road as soon as she was done. I knew we would have to stop for clothes and shit, but I was planning on driving straight through, no overnight stops. I wanted to get to Aunt Gina’s and lay low. My fucking nerves were beyond shot.