I GOT WASTED THAT NIGHT and fell asleep on the same sofa I’d beaten Salinger. The morning light filtered through the living room, shedding an awareness of what had gone down the night before. Several people were strewn about, sleeping where they’d last fallen, so I stood, my head pounding, my stomach on the verge of retching. I stumbled across the room toward the door, throwing it open. I knew I didn’t have time to make it to a toilet. All the contents of my stomach spilled in the grass just off the porch then I gulped air at a violent rate.
The sun beat down on my head, in my eyes, and I groaned, fishing my keys from my pocket and trying to remember where I’d parked my car. I found it and fell into the driver’s seat. I pulled over twice on my way home to vomit into the street. I parked outside my dilapidated house, tried as best I could to avoid the creakiest boards on the porch, and headed for the door, but before I could open it, it swung open. Sterling stood tall and menacing on the other side.
One of his boots landed on the porch, his meaty hand landed heavily on the back of my neck as he dragged me into the house. I fought the urge to vomit once more.
“Time for you to learn a lesson, girl,” he gritted near my ear before pushing me toward the floor.
My head swam, but I managed to roll onto my back. His fingers found my top, so I let him use most of his energy to pick me up. This was calculated on my part. He was only good for a few swings, at most. He was an alcoholic and, although he was tall, he’d deteriorated into barely anything. I knew to ride it out.
I watched as he cocked his arm back and swung a fist into my left eye. It stung so bad, but I fought the urge to cry. Instead of reaching for my face, like I wanted to, I smiled at him. This only incensed him more, and he brought his arm back once more, this time a little slower, indicating how much he’d had to drink the night before, but it didn’t matter. The sharp bones of his knuckles met my cheekbone again. Ignoring the queasy feeling in my stomach, I fought to keep upright.
“What’s the matter, old man?” I quieted.
“Watch your fucking mouth, you piece of shit,” he spit in my face.
I gritted my teeth as my other hand found his chest and attempted to push him off me. He was drunk enough that I was able to throw him off-kilter, shoving him into the wall near the front door. The whole house shook, and I heard the girls scream in their room. He threw out an elbow, aiming for my temple, but I pulled back. He caught the corner of my mouth instead, though, and I felt my lip split. I could hear Callie and Eloise whimpering, and that sobered me. He pounced, shoving his forearm into my throat, and pinned me against the wall again.
The girls began crying and he let me go, his eyes seethed at me, promising a furious revenge, but I didn’t care as long as he didn’t scare the girls anymore that morning; that’s all I cared about.
“Let’s discuss this later,” I offered. “Away from the girls.”
He started to laugh. “Oh, we’ll discuss it later, all right, when I put a bullet in your head.”
“Promises, promises,” I countered like a fool.
“You don’t think I will?” he asked, a smile plastered on his face.
“You’ve promised to kill me thousands of times, yet you’ve never followed through.”
“One day,” he promised.
“And when that day comes, I won’t stop you,” I told him.
He laughed. “You’re so worthless, even you know it,” he told my back when I turned to head toward the girls’ room.
Ignoring him, I headed down the hall and opened their door. They were huddled together on Eloise’s bed, the blankets pulled over their heads. When they heard me, they pulled them down to see who it was.
I swallowed, hoping the blood wasn’t too obvious, but from the looks on their faces, it was noticeable.
“You guys okay?” I asked softly.
They nodded their heads.
“Go back to sleep, all right? I’ll keep you safe.”
Both of their shoulders relaxed and they burrowed under their threadbare covers. I closed their door and went into my room, right next to theirs. I stood still, listening for movement from Sterling. He rummaged around in the kitchen, opening and slamming cabinet doors.
“That woman is fucking worthless,” I heard him mumble.
I heard him stumble across the house to the front door, opening and closing it behind him. I listened for the engine of his car and heard it barrel past my window. I leaned against the jamb of my door and lightly brought a hand to my face. It came back bloody, so I ditched my clothes and took a shower, only to dress once more to try and get some sleep before he came back.
I never went to bed without being fully clothed, just in case I had to leave in a hurry, for obvious reasons, including shoes. I learned the hard way that running barefoot down our gravel road hurt like you wouldn’t believe. I sat down, my back to the wall, one foot on the floor and one on the bed. It was the best position to feel any vibration from any approaching person.
I brought my tray out and rolled a quick blunt, taking a few hits to calm myself down. I winced at the pain in my lip as I took a puff. When I was done, I put my tray under my bed and laid back.
I fell asleep quickly, escaping into a rather nice dream, where Sterling was dead and the girls and my mom and I were happy and healthy.
CHAPTER THREE
I FELT MOVEMENT IN my leg and shot up straight, still slightly groggy. It was my mom.
“Where’s Sterling?” I asked.
“He’s not here,” she said, sitting at the corner of my bed near my foot.
The back of my hand found my eyes, trying to rub the sleep away. “What time is it?”
“Two in the afternoon.”
I yawned, then looked at her. “Where are the girls?”
“Next door at sweet Alta Mae’s house.”
I took a deep breath. “Good. How was work?” I asked her.
She shrugged. “It was work.” She cleared her throat. “They’ve got a position open—”
I laughed at her. “No, thanks.”
“I need you to find a job, Lily.”
I leaned back against the wall. “Stop bugging me about it. I’ll do it when I’m ready.”
She shook her head. “You sound just like your father.”
I bolted upright again. “That man is not my father, and I am nothing like him.”
“He wouldn’t be so bad right now, if you were working,” she defended, ignoring me.
I laughed. “He could get a job, you know, if he was so stressed about cash.”
“Lily,” she said, sounding exasperated.
“How about this? I’ll get a job when he does.”
She didn’t answer me. Instead, her eyes narrowed. “Why is your eye black? Your lip split?”
I looked down at my lap. “We got into it.”
She sighed as she reached for my face, but I gently batted away her hands. “Don’t worry about it.”
“What did you do to him?” she asked.
I laughed bitterly. “Nothing.”
“You shouldn’t provoke him.”
“Whatever, Mom. I seem to provoke him just by existing.”
“That’s not true. He only gets worked up like that when you do something to him.”
I shook my head at her. “My God, you’re delusional.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re making excuses for him when you know deep down he’s wrong. You know he’s a violent drunk.”
She averted her eyes. “He’s just not himself right now.”
I laughed so loud she jumped a little. “He hasn’t been himself for as long as we’ve ever known him, Mom.” I swallowed. “When are you going to realize this is who he is?”
My phone went off. It was a text from Ansen, asking if I wanted to go into town with him and his girlfriend, Katie. I stood up and my mom left, closing the door behind her without saying another word. I changed, smoked a quick blunt, brushed my teeth, and curled my hair, trying to hide the bruises on my neck and face with foundation I didn’t normally wear, so it was a bit yellow. It didn’t work very well, but I was hoping people would see it and know I didn’t want to talk about it. I put on a deep red lipstick to cover up the split in my lip.
I traveled down the little country road we lived on, heading toward Ansen’s. I picked up him and Katie and hit Main to get a burger at Chuck’s.
“What’ve you been up to, Katie?” I asked.
“Nothing much. What’s new with you?”
“Same,” I said.
She leaned forward. “Doesn’t look like it,” she said, gesturing to my badly covered black eye.
“Yeah, Sterling and I got into it.”
“That sucks,” she said, leaning back in her seat.
That’s when I noticed a tall boy walking on the side of the road about 200 yards ahead.